words in movies
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cats eyes) Oh my God.
Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
Ross: Are you sure shes in the cat, or have you been taking your grandmas glycoma medicine again?
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Phoebe: Well, Im not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that theres y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think shes worried that y'know, shes gonna, shes gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, thats not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebes mom remind anyone of a cat?
Ross: Come on, you-you cant tell me you actually believe that-that theres a woman inside that cat!
Rachel: You guys, theres a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!
Ross: (holds up a hand) Little girl misses her cat. (hold up the other hand) Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.
Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didnt tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?
Ross: Hi! Listen uhh, this cat belongs to a little girl. There are flyers all over the place.
Ross: No! No! LookHey, enough is enough! Look, I am sorry that you feel guilty or whatever about spending time with your new mom, but this is not your old mom. This is a cat! Okay, Julio the cat! Not mom! Cat!
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friends mother.
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Rachel: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.)
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross] Look at it!
[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.
Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!
Ross: Cat!
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".
PHOEBE: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's "smelly cat, smel-ly cat".
STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.
JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
ROSS: I didn't get a cat.
ROSS: Cat. [leaves]
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
ALL: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.
ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
MNCA: Cat hair.
ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
PHOEBE: Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat the video.
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, its not your fault.
Ross: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.
Woman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.
STEPHANIE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat...
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Ross: The one with the cat. I gotta go, Ive got another date.
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
Rachel: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Phoebe: Listen. Listen. (She starts to play and sing.) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Monica: Still, I was quick as a cat.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)
Joey: Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.
Dream Joey: Cat.
Rachel: It's a, it's a cat!
Ross: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Joey: It's not a cat!
Joey: It's not a cat!
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Monica: (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!
Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
Rachel: Well, it's my cat.
Joey: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!
Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel is trying to sell the cat.]
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Rachel: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! (A woman approaches.)
Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]
Woman No. 2: Wow! What an unusual cat!
Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Dont change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
Monica: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly Cat.]
PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Chandler: Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cats name?
Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we wont be partners. So whats it gonna be?
Monica: I love you. (They kiss.) Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right.
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Chandler: I think its the dying cat parade.
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.