words in movies
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Rachel: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.)
Ross: No! No! LookHey, enough is enough! Look, I am sorry that you feel guilty or whatever about spending time with your new mom, but this is not your old mom. This is a cat! Okay, Julio the cat! Not mom! Cat!
[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross] Look at it!
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Ross: Cat!
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!
Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friends mother.
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.
PHOEBE: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's "smelly cat, smel-ly cat".
STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.
JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
ROSS: I didn't get a cat.
ROSS: Cat. [leaves]
ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
MNCA: Cat hair.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
ALL: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.
PHOEBE: Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat the video.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, its not your fault.
STEPHANIE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat...
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
Ross: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Woman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.
Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
Rachel: You guys, theres a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!
Ross: Come on, you-you cant tell me you actually believe that-that theres a woman inside that cat!
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Phoebe: Well, Im not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that theres y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think shes worried that y'know, shes gonna, shes gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, thats not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
Ross: Are you sure shes in the cat, or have you been taking your grandmas glycoma medicine again?
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cats eyes) Oh my God.
Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didnt tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?
Rachel: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebes mom remind anyone of a cat?
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Ross: The one with the cat. I gotta go, Ive got another date.
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
Monica: Still, I was quick as a cat.
Phoebe: Listen. Listen. (She starts to play and sing.) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Dream Joey: Cat.
(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
Joey: Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.
Ross: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!
Rachel: It's a, it's a cat!
Joey: It's not a cat!
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Monica: (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!
Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
Joey: It's not a cat!
Rachel: Well, it's my cat.
Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
Joey: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!
[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel is trying to sell the cat.]
Rachel: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! (A woman approaches.)
Woman No. 2: Wow! What an unusual cat!
Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]
Monica: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!
PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Dont change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly Cat.]
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.