words in movies
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Chandler: (Answering the phone at work) Hello, Chandler Bing.
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Chandler: The British are coming?
Chandler: Ohh.
Monica: You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular. (Chandler laughs.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
(Rachel goes into her room and closes the door. Which allows Monica to let Chandler out of her room.)
(Chandler runs out the door and closes it behind him. After a short pause the door opens and Chandler comes rushing back through, grabs Monica, kisses her good-bye, and heads back out.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Chandler: Why?
(Chandler makes it into the bowl.)
Chandler: Yes! Chandler Bing, 7! Chandler Bing, 0.
Chandler: Okay, I'll stop.
(Chandler slides the bowl to the far end of the counter. He tries again, but he hits the spoon to hard and the ball goes flying away.)
Chandler: You wanna play?
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Chandler: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home.
Chandler: I'm intrigued.
Chandler: Okay, but be careful okay, because I wanna get our security deposit back.
Chandler: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.]
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Ross: (To Chandler) And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. (To Joey) Now come on!
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
Joey: (To Chandler) I didn't finish my five pages.
Chandler: Well, why can't you do them tomorrow?
Chandler: (To Ross) Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Chandler: Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk?
Chandler: I paid for those tickets!
Chandler: Oh yeah! (Makes an unintelligible taunting sound.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Chandler: When did that happen to you?!
Chandler: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.
Chandler: Okay, bye! (To the gang.) Oh my God!!
Chandler: I don't believe they're brother and sister.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
Chandler: All right. (Takes a copy.)
(Ross and Chandler start to read Joey's script aloud.)
Chandler: What is up?
Chandler: No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted.
Chandler: Could I be more sorry. (Looks at Joey.)
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Chandler: (To Ross) I'm sorry too.
Ross: (reading from the script.) I am sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: I am sorry, Ross.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Chandler: This took you all day?!
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Chandler: Well this is great! Ill give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: No way!
Chandler: Oh my God! Whos gonna watch that?!
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
Chandler: Could be Casey.
Chandler: Yeah. (they start to leave)
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
(Chandler opens the door, finally.)
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Chandler: You!
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monicas apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
Chandler: I think youll find if I come to work here, I dont micro-manage. I dont shy away from delegating.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Okay, so I guess thats about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
Monica: Oh!! (hits Chandler and Joey in the head) You guys knew about this and you didnt tell us?!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: She?
Chandler: You dont think I get up when you get up?
Chandler: Excuse me?
Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And you dont think taking care of our chick is work?
Chandler: Ill take her back tomorrow.
Rachel: Chandler, thats not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And youve just gotten her one great present? I mean thats just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Chandler: Well, my apartment isnt there anymore, because I drank it.
Chandler: I can check that for ya.
Chandler: (rushing in) Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!
Monica: Okay, so it doesnt involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Chandler: Hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is returning from his disastrous weekend. He throws his bag down and sits down on one of the leather chairs, but he sits on something and picks it up and throws it away.]
Chandler: Thanks, Im glad you see it that way.
Monica: I justI cant believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.
CHANDLER: What if I never find someone? Or worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it "supposably"?
(Joey wants to know, but Chandler doesnt want to discuss it by the chick, so he and Joey move over to the windows and away from the chick.)
CHANDLER: Not exactly. . . I'm wearin panties.
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman Ive ever known in real life.
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
Chandler: Okay! Now you stay out here, and you think about what you did!!
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
Chandler: Having a swim.
Chandler: (coming out of his apartment and seeing Ross) What did you do?
Chandler: See, I told you they dont swim. (He goes to take it out)
Chandler: Noo! (takes him out) Oh, its okay, its okay, baby, baby, baby.
Chandler: I dont know. Should we try it?
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Chandler: All right. Look, Im gonna go in here, and you dont buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)
Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: If they cant find a home for her, they kill her! And Im not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Chandler: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) Its a racecar.
Chandler: (seeing Joey) There he is!
Chandler: So thats the girl you like.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you dont like the guy Rachels dating? Well, thats odd.
Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Chandler: Could I borrow it?
(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)
Chandler: Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Chandler: Yeah, and I dont have any cologne.
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) Im telling ya, Joannas got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, This was fun. Lets do it again sometime. Ill give you a call.
Chandler: (to Ross) Stop that now!
Chandler: Diet soda.
Chandler: Yes!
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Chandler: 7:15. (Monica looks at him) Watch doesnt work.
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Chandler: Ross, dont. Ross!
Chandler: Orange juice.
Chandler: Ohh, thats a good one.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
(We see Tommy go into Joey and Chandlers apartment)
Chandler: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Chandler: Step away from the duck.
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Chandler and Joey: Whoa!!!
Chandler: No!!
Chandler: Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?
Chandler: All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! (Joey smirks.) What?
Chandler: Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! (sees it) Huh.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: I got it! Scotch tape. (Theyre right.)
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Chandler: You're right, I know.
Ross: Chandlers gone again!
Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
Chandler: Well, we used theres up last night making scary faces.