words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
CHANDLER: Thanks.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Chandler: Wh-what?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Chandler: Were not gonna lose to girls.
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally(opens envelope)not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
Chandler: Well, you dont you have Captain Hook explain it to her.
[Scene: Monicas, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Chandler: (reading the comics) Eh..., I dont, I dont know.
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Chandler: (thinks about it) Yeah?
Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching?
Rachel: (to Chandler) Eh, do you believe that?
Ross: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand.
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]
Chandler and Phoebe: ...in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they dont match tones, and they just look at each other)
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
(Phoebe turns and looks at Monica, while Joey frantically motions to Chandler to help him out.)
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
[We see Chandler lighting up a cigarette.]
Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!
Monica: Chandler!!
(Chandler mouths Okay.)
Phoebe: Chandler what are you doing?!
Chandler: (jumps back and points at the cigarette) Oh my God!
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean were gonna have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his shoulders.)
(Chandler and Joey both laugh)
Ross: ....and 12, 22, 18, four... (Chandler starts laughing) What?
Chandler: I spelled out boobies.
Chandler: Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, Im, Im smoking still.
Chandler: Oh my God, how did you do that?
Chandler: So, how many have you sold so far?
Chandler: Me! On my computer.
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)
Chandler: Look, Im telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
Chandler: Something else I might have said?
Rachel: Hey-hey-hey thats funny! Your funny Chandler! Your a funny guy! You wanna know what else is really funny?!
Chandler: You-you-you dont wanna give into the fear.
Chandler: Run, Joey! Run for your life! (runs out)
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]
Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue...
Chandler: You dont, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything?
Chandler: Thats a good idea, Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday. I would like to get her something serious.
Chandler: (reading the paper) Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night. (to Ross) Where exactly were around ten-ish?
[Cut to later, all except Chandler are staring out the window at Ugly Naked Guy.]
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
Chandler: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross are there.]
Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Chandler: Its like Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.
Chandler: Y'know what Rach, maybe you should just, y'know stay here at the coffee house.
Chandler: (to Ross) Should I tell her I ordered tea?
(Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball between his foot and finger.)
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
Chandler: Mazel tov!
Chandler: Oh thats great, with my luck, thats gonna be him.
Chandler: I just saw Janice.
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joeys shirt and rips it off of his back.)
Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.
Ross: Hey Chandler, theres a party tomorrow, youll feel better then.
Chandler: Oh, y'know what, Im gonna be okay, you dont have to throw a party for me.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandlers.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt!
Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kids pretzel at them.
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
Joey: Chandler!
Chandler: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make.
Ross: Wait a minute, one box! Come on, Im trying to send a little girl to Spacecamp, Im putting you down for five boxes. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Hi Joeys sisters!
Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
(Cut to Chandler)
Sister 1: (to Chandler) What cha doing?
Chandler: Okay! You dont think I thought of that?
Chandler: Hey! Well, Ive been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you thats mean!
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Dont tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
Chandler: I cant remember which sister.
Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)
Joey: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. (Chandler pours some juice in a glass.) You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.
Chandler: Why cant we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.
Chandler: Yep, Im in a tree.
Chandler: Its gotta be the first one.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)
Chandler: Well, thats the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually Ill be in Cuba.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
Chandler: Wheres Mary-Angela?
Joeys Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
Rachel: Chandler! Youre smoking? What are you doing?!
Chandler: Im here to see Mary-Angela.
Chandler: Hey, shut up!! Youre not my real Mom!!