words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Chandler: Easy for you to say; youll be wearing a veil.
Chandler: You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest?
Chandler: Sorry, I just dont like the idea of when I say, "I do," hes thinking, "Yeah, Id do her too!"
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Chandler: No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together.
Chandler: Joe
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow, we havent found anybody else.
Chandler: Yeah you can do it.
Chandler: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Our minister
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: (To Monica) Should we call the spitter?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Chandler: Yeah. O-okay.
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Chandler: See Joe, we want you to tell stories but yknow, romantic stories. Nice stories.
Chandler: Joe?
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.
Chandler: But then later that night
[Cut to London, Chandlers hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, theres a knock on the door.]
Chandler: (answering the door) Hey!
Chandler: Well I was I was exactly expecting company after (He looks at his watch.) 9:15.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Chandler: But we dont do that.
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Chandler: (thinks) Thats the perfect amount!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Chandler: Yep!
Chandler: Count of three?
Chandler: Two!
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Chandler: Eh!
Chandler: Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey! (Monica hides under the covers as Joey enters. Remember?)
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Chandler: No! No! No!
Chandler: Theyre in my bag over there. (Points.)
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
Chandler: Uh, could you leave me one?
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: No I-I-Im fine.
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Who did you originally want to hook up with?
Joey: Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby!
Chandler: (To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
Chandler: Hey. Do you want this scone? (Holds up his plate) It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you!
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Chandler: Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Chandler: Thats what you should say.
Chandler: When youre marrying us; thats what you should say.
Chandler: Id love it if you would do it.
Chandler: But those are the words! Those exact words!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Chandler: Well this is great! Ill give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: No way!
Chandler: Oh my God! Whos gonna watch that?!
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
Chandler: Could be Casey.
Chandler: Yeah. (they start to leave)
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
(Chandler opens the door, finally.)
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Chandler: You!
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monicas apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
Chandler: I think youll find if I come to work here, I dont micro-manage. I dont shy away from delegating.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Okay, so I guess thats about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
Monica: Oh!! (hits Chandler and Joey in the head) You guys knew about this and you didnt tell us?!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: She?
Chandler: You dont think I get up when you get up?
Chandler: Excuse me?
Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And you dont think taking care of our chick is work?
Chandler: Ill take her back tomorrow.
Rachel: Chandler, thats not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And youve just gotten her one great present? I mean thats just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Chandler: Well, my apartment isnt there anymore, because I drank it.
Chandler: I can check that for ya.
Chandler: (rushing in) Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!
Monica: Okay, so it doesnt involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Chandler: Hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is returning from his disastrous weekend. He throws his bag down and sits down on one of the leather chairs, but he sits on something and picks it up and throws it away.]
Chandler: Thanks, Im glad you see it that way.
Monica: I justI cant believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.
CHANDLER: What if I never find someone? Or worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it "supposably"?
(Joey wants to know, but Chandler doesnt want to discuss it by the chick, so he and Joey move over to the windows and away from the chick.)
CHANDLER: Not exactly. . . I'm wearin panties.
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman Ive ever known in real life.
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
Chandler: Okay! Now you stay out here, and you think about what you did!!
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
Chandler: Having a swim.
Chandler: (coming out of his apartment and seeing Ross) What did you do?
Chandler: See, I told you they dont swim. (He goes to take it out)
Chandler: Noo! (takes him out) Oh, its okay, its okay, baby, baby, baby.
Chandler: I dont know. Should we try it?
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Chandler: All right. Look, Im gonna go in here, and you dont buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)
Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: If they cant find a home for her, they kill her! And Im not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Chandler: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) Its a racecar.
Chandler: (seeing Joey) There he is!
Chandler: So thats the girl you like.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you dont like the guy Rachels dating? Well, thats odd.
Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Chandler: Could I borrow it?
(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)
Chandler: Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Chandler: Yeah, and I dont have any cologne.
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) Im telling ya, Joannas got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, This was fun. Lets do it again sometime. Ill give you a call.
Chandler: (to Ross) Stop that now!
Chandler: Diet soda.
Chandler: Yes!
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Chandler: 7:15. (Monica looks at him) Watch doesnt work.
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Chandler: Ross, dont. Ross!
Chandler: Orange juice.
Chandler: Ohh, thats a good one.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
(We see Tommy go into Joey and Chandlers apartment)
Chandler: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Chandler: Step away from the duck.
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Chandler and Joey: Whoa!!!
Chandler: No!!
Chandler: Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?
Chandler: All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! (Joey smirks.) What?
Chandler: Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! (sees it) Huh.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: I got it! Scotch tape. (Theyre right.)
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Chandler: You're right, I know.
Ross: Chandlers gone again!
Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
Chandler: Well, we used theres up last night making scary faces.