words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Chandler: Easy for you to say; youll be wearing a veil.
Chandler: You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest?
Chandler: Sorry, I just dont like the idea of when I say, "I do," hes thinking, "Yeah, Id do her too!"
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Chandler: No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together.
Chandler: Joe
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow, we havent found anybody else.
Chandler: Yeah you can do it.
Chandler: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Our minister
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: (To Monica) Should we call the spitter?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Chandler: Yeah. O-okay.
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Chandler: See Joe, we want you to tell stories but yknow, romantic stories. Nice stories.
Chandler: Joe?
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.
Chandler: But then later that night
[Cut to London, Chandlers hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, theres a knock on the door.]
Chandler: (answering the door) Hey!
Chandler: Well I was I was exactly expecting company after (He looks at his watch.) 9:15.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Chandler: But we dont do that.
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Chandler: (thinks) Thats the perfect amount!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Chandler: Yep!
Chandler: Count of three?
Chandler: Two!
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Chandler: Eh!
Chandler: Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey! (Monica hides under the covers as Joey enters. Remember?)
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Chandler: No! No! No!
Chandler: Theyre in my bag over there. (Points.)
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
Chandler: Uh, could you leave me one?
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: No I-I-Im fine.
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Who did you originally want to hook up with?
Joey: Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby!
Chandler: (To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
Chandler: Hey. Do you want this scone? (Holds up his plate) It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you!
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Chandler: Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Chandler: Thats what you should say.
Chandler: When youre marrying us; thats what you should say.
Chandler: Id love it if you would do it.
Chandler: But those are the words! Those exact words!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: No!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's]
Chandler: So are you gonna...talk to her?
Chandler: Why did I get married?!
Chandler: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life!
Chandler: You know when "That's fine" sounds true when someone yells it and spits!
Chandler: No no no. Good. So you're moving on? Do you have any idea where you're moving?
Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Chandler: Is this really your long term plan, for me to run interference? Because I could get a job any day now.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Joey: Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the moving on going?
Chandler: What are doing? You know I can only dish it out!
Chandler: Did she go out with him?
Chandler: Ah! The high road...
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
Chandler: I thought I had to make the jokes!
Chandler: Are you trying to get everybody divorced?
Chandler: We still got it!
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Chandler: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killed
Chandler: Well...
Chandler: I am sorry, moment to make fun of that, please!
Chandler: Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, "Who's the best of that?" They'd have to go to you.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess you don�t need my help Victor Victoria!
Chandler: Ok. First of all, this is green!
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Chandler: Thanks. You wanna see what it looks like?
Chandler: And done!
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: No problem.
Chandler: I gotta stop this.
Chandler: You, touching yourself, out!
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Are those my wife�s nipples?
Chandler: Really? In front of all this people?
Chandler: I dont know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back.
Chandler: Beam me up Jesus.
[Cut back to Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Wow.
Chandler (reading the newspaper): Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.
Chandler: I'll try to stop. Wait, did you say until the sixth?
Chandler: Today is the sixth.
Chandler: I don't do that.
Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma is there in her playpen, while Chandler is behind the couch.]
Chandler: Yes, it's also 2003.
Chandler: Tough crib.
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
Chandler: I am not working. There's not much to do around here!
Chandler: Sorry.
Chandler: I - I don't think I can.
Chandler: Because of Emma.
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
Chandler: Well, she's aware when we leave the room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
Chandler: Ooh, she's asleep, that means we can...
Chandler: Emma was doing it!
Monica: She's asleep. Chandler?
Chandler (laughs): Okay, I'll try. And you can't make any noise.
Chandler: I think we may have really done it this time.
Chandler: Okay. (Runs out.)
Chandler: You may wanna get some more of those too.
Chandler: Where's Emma?
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Chandler: What? Why?
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Chandler: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.
Chandler: Maybe I should quit and get a job that pays.
Chandler: Did you see our bank statement? Can this be right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: That's right! I do! And I'm your man. And I'm going to get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.
Monica: But Chandler lent you money!
Joey: (to Chandler) And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
Monica: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.
Joey: I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it myself. Chandler is my best friend, it would be wrong. Good...(He winks)...But wrong.
Chandler: Yeah.... she's not so cute.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Mike enters.]
Monica, Chandler, Ross: Congratulations!/Good for you!/Great!
Chandler: By drowning or...?!
Chandler: Yes dear.
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
Chandler: What? What do you mean you know?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler sits on the couch. Joey sits at the round table]