words in movies
Chandler: Relax! We'll just get her some antacids.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Chandler: Next time, can I say breathe?
Chandler: Where are you going?
Chandler: You can't leave me alone with her.
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
Chandler: It's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.
Chandler: Okay.
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)
Chandler: So, ah... Any plans for the summer?
Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Chandler: Well, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know, because no one can experience both.
Chandler: One of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things? Like this.
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Joey: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
[Scene: The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
Chandler: Is it really that bad?
(Monica gives Chandler a look.)
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
(Chandler is standing by Erica's head.)
Chandler: I'm okay.
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Chandler: Wow!
Chandler: (emotional) It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Chandler: Well, that's spongy.
Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
Chandler: I know. He has your eyes.
Chandler: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: How do you feel?
(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly.)
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Chandler: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
Chandler: Interesting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
Chandler: What do we do?
Chandler: (panicking) Twins! Twins!!
Monica: Chandler, you're panicking!
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
Chandler: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
Chandler: Monica, we are not ready to have two babies!
Chandler: (smiles) Okay. Shhh...
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Okay!
(Monica and Chandler run back to Erica's bed.)
Chandler: (shocked) She? It's a girl?
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
Chandler: Bye!
Chandler: Have fun at church-camp!
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: We could trade later.
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
Chandler: Hey.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
Chandler: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Chandler: I love you.
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
Chandler: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes.]
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
Chandler: Oh, don't worry, we'll find them.
Chandler: Alright.
Chandler: It's okay, it's just an egg roll.
Chandler: Okay, let's find these birds.
Chandler: Well, that can't be good!
Chandler: How?
Chandler: Oh, tons, I'm quite the woodsman.
Chandler: Joey, wait! The ball!
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe we can open this up somehow.
Chandler: No... It's all glued together.
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe.
Chandler: I know! It's.. It's the foosball table.
Chandler: Did that movie ever get made?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are still trying to get the birds out of the foosball-table.]
Chandler: And we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.
Chandler: What's the matter?
Chandler: I understand.
Chandler: I don't know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
Chandler: Well, I can't do it either.
Chandler: We have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Chandler: That was... Impressive.
Chandler: Sorry about the table, man.
Chandler: You gonna buy a new one?
Chandler: Well, at least we got these little guys out.
Chandler: Aww, we were worried about you! Hm. I guess I better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh?
Chandler: Hey, you know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
Chandler: You know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.
Chandler: I think there may be another reason. So, awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Chandler: Wow, this is weird.
Chandler: Where's Ross?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
Chandler: (to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
Chandler: Oh, okay.
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
Chandler: Oh, it's gonna be okay.
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)
Chandler: Sure. Where?
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Chandler: Whats up?
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Chandler: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Chandler: But youre still my friend?
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Chandler: During this time are you, are you still my best man?
Chandler: So are we friends again?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Chandler: mmm That's enough about you!
Chandler: I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.
Chandler: Well you dont have to sound so surprised.
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay. Ill be right there.
Chandler: Yeah. Yknow I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and Ill go all Chandler. But nothing has.
Chandler: Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?
Monica: Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.
(Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.)
Chandler: Were the Bings.
(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.)
Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.
Chandler: Hi.
Mrs. Bing: Chandler!
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Chandler: Hi dad.
Chandler: Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.)
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
Ross: Hey, wheres Chandler?
Monica: Do you guys know what happened to Chandlers barca lounger?
Ross: I think Chandlers gone. (He hands her the note.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Chandler just left though!
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
Ross: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said theres still no word from Chandler.
Monica: Ohh, Im so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean its really, its made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse!
Rachel: Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesnt show up!
Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I shouldve hid at the gym!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that Im related to Monica. How is she?
Chandler: No! No! No! I cant do that!
Chandler: No.
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
Chandler: (Chandler looks around the place and his eye gets caught by Richard's video collection) Look at these videos. You know, I mean, who does he think he is? Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke... Oh my God!
Chandler: Well yeah, but then
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we.
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?
[Scene: Chandlers Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
Chandler: Yeah. Youre right. Hey I-I can do that.
Chandler: Oh fresh air!
Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like youve done everything else!
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.
(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and hes so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)
[Scene: Monicas Hotel Room, Chandler and Monicas parents and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?
Monica: I know! Hey, hows Chandler doin?
Ross: Great. Hes doing great. Dont you worry about Chandler.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Monicas pregnant.
Chandler: (standing up) Thats right! Im not!
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin! (honks the beds little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, Ill leave. My beds so boring.
Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.)
[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]
Chandler: I know about Monica.
Chandler: You dont know?
Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
Chandler: Get there faster! (Joey gasps and finally understands...)
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
Chandler: Are you Joey?
The Rabbi: Are you Chandler?
Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) Im so glad you here. (He kisses his mom.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this?
Rachel: Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)