words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
Chandler: Ho! Ho! Ho!
Chandler: Your pants!
Chandler: Santa pants. (Phoebe still doesnt get it.) Santa Clauss pants.
Chandler: Uhh, a T-shirt that says, "I dont belong here."
Chandler: Yeah we do!
Chandler: Are you serious?
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, Im not giving up my bachelor pad for some basketball seats!
Chandler: No. But uh, Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning time.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]
Chandler: (ignoring him) Yes, Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please?
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, Im not giving up the apartment.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: You do know that Wham broke up?
Chandler: Where is Emily?
Chandler: Man, didnt she like just get here?
Chandler: Easy tiger.
Chandler: So what are you going to do?
Chandler: Are you serious?
Chandler: Because youve only known her for six weeks! Okay, Ive got a carton of milk in my fridge Ive had a longer relationship with!
Chandler: And I love the milk! But, Im not gonna some British girl to move in with me! (Realizes that made no sense.) Joey, you say things now.
Chandler: Okay, no problem, just remember to wake us up before you go-go.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.]
Chandler: No thank you.
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, lets trade! The timings perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we cant leave in the small apartment after weve lived here! Didnt you ever read Flowers for Algernon?
Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.
Chandler: Screw the Knicks!
Chandler: I didnt mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more.
Chandler: And the Knicks rule all.
Chandler: No. No. Were not gonna do that, yknow why? Because its not an even trade.
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Op, op, Im convinced!
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
Chandler: Okay!
(They both rejoice; Chandler is totally confused.)
(He looks to Chandler, who doesnt have a clue.)
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didnt come up with the answer.)
Chandler: Fine, lets do it.
Chandler: Okay, you guys uh, you guys pick first
Chandler: Thats a low one!
(Both Joey and Chandler and Monica and Rachel jump up and down for joy.)
Chandler: Why are you screaming and hugging?
Chandler: Yeah baby!
Chandler: Tickets please! (Rachel hands over the tickets) Thats courtside baby!
Joey: Seriously, good game though. Good game. (He tries to congratulate them, but they pull away.) (To Chandler) What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!
Chandler: No they didnt!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.]
Chandler: Those were like the best seats ever.
Chandler: Oh yeah, thats very nice. Plus, yknow they were free and theyre too small.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Chandler: Oh. Oh, God! (He starts running around like a chicken with his head cut off.)
Chandler: I KNOW!!!
Chandler: Open up! Open up! Open up!
Chandler: What the hell is going on?!
(She goes to close the door, but Chandler puts his foot it in.)
Chandler: We are switching back, right now!
Chandler: Well, youre gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, were switching it back! Theres nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: I dont care, this is our apartment! And they stoleyou stole itour apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. Im getting back right now!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You cant offer anything to us!
Chandler: Totally worth it!
Chandler: Good night.
(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)
Phoebe: Okay, scarfs done. (Its not really a scarf, its just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Oh, well, thats great!
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
Chandler: And youre our age. Youre our age.
Chandler: Thats not a state Joe.
Chandler: Youre our age!
Chandler: Unless Snoopy says it to Charlie Brown, I think we're okay.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Ross are returning from working out.]
Chandler: Ross! You gotta stop! Okay?! You cant just stare through the peep hole for three hours! Youre gonna get peep eye!
Chandler: Is there any chance you didnt see that?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: You didnt just break up.
Chandler: No!! You cant!!
Chandler: Stop what?!
Chandler: Look man!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I know. (He rubs Rosss head)
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joeys sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thats not the worst part.
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Chandler: Listen to me!! (Chandler turns him around and closes and holds the door shut with his feet.)
Chandler: Im talking about you. You big, big freak.
Chandler: Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water.
Chandler: Cause its-its not his last name.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Chandler: Okay, lets play my game now.
Chandler: So, ahh, what kind of powers would Gold Man have?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what its like to be you?
Chandler: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
[Chandler crumples up his cigarette pack and throws it on the ground.]
Chandler: Thats the stuff! (quickly grabs it)
Chandler: Hey.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
Chandler: Yes, I realise that.
Chandler: Oh, thats-thats okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didnt have to walk me all the way back up here.
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Kathy: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! Thank you! (Runs back to Chandler)
Rachel: Bye, Chandler.
Chandler: Hello.
Rachel: Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
Rachel: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, shes gonna love me.
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day?
Chandler: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. Ill do it.
Chandler: (entering) Hey, my Fathers house does that!
Joanna: Chandler is fantastic!!
Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called wait until the last moment before I burst and die.
Chandler: (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes?
CHANDLER: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?
Chandler: Thats what you say at the end of a date.
Chandler: Multiple, so many paper cuts.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, well give me the phone then.
Chandler: Nooo!! Shes really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
Rachel: Why hasnt he called Rachel? Why? Why? I dont understand. Why? He said hell call. Why? Why? Chandler Im telling you she has flipped out, shes gone crazy!
Chandler: Thats just a lot of big talk, y'know.
Chandler: Oh, I can uh, check that for ya.
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Rachel: Oh, I dont know. Well maybe its just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I dont know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
Chandler: The food there was, was great.
Chandler: Noo!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with the chick and the duck.]
Chandler: Its not a big deal. Its, just its right here, (points to his eye) and its all the time.
Chandler: So take care.
Rachel: Chandler!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Chandler: Look, Im sorry. Okay? Im weak, and pathetic, and sorry.
Rachel: (whispering) Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!
Chandler: AhhhhIm not going to call you.
Chandler: Well, this was great. Ill give you a call. We should do it again sometime. (Rachel is disappointed)
Chandler: Yeah, o-okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Chandler: Well this is great! Ill give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: No way!
Chandler: Oh my God! Whos gonna watch that?!
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
Chandler: Could be Casey.
Chandler: Yeah. (they start to leave)
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
(Chandler opens the door, finally.)
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Chandler: You!
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monicas apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
Chandler: I think youll find if I come to work here, I dont micro-manage. I dont shy away from delegating.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Okay, so I guess thats about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
Monica: Oh!! (hits Chandler and Joey in the head) You guys knew about this and you didnt tell us?!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: She?
Chandler: You dont think I get up when you get up?
Chandler: Excuse me?
Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And you dont think taking care of our chick is work?