words in movies
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: (to the front desk clerk) Hi! Were checking out of the bridal suite.
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
Chandler: We got the honeymoon.
Chandler: The wedding pictures?
Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.
Chandler: Ill tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home.
Chandler: What? What did you take a picture of?
Chandler: Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet?
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
[Scene: Rosss Hotel Room, he is letting Chandler in.]
Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?
Chandler: Yeah but you dont need(Picks up something)What is this?
Chandler: Score! Where are the disposable cameras?
Chandler: The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them?
Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Chandler: So you dont have the cameras?!
Chandler: So? What? What? Theyre gone! Monicas gonna freak!
Chandler: Great.
(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Monica: Good. Okay, Im just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them.
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Chandler is under one of the tables as Ross enters.]
Ross: Chandler?
Chandler: Hey! Did you find the cameras?
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Chandler: Well this is great. Yknow, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, shes really depressed.
Chandler: All my energy is going into not asking that question. I cant believe I screwed this up!
Chandler: Are you suggesting we dance our troubles away?
Chandler: Are you serious?
Chandler: Marriage advice? Really?!
Chandler: I dont know, Monica picked out the flowers.
Chandler: She picked those out too.
Chandler: That was her.
Chandler: I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop?
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Chandler: (to another couple) Uh, excuse me? Could you take a picture of us?
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
Chandler: Uhh Yeah sure. (Holds the camera up to his face.) Click!
Chandler: Oh yeah. Ill take, Ill take your picture. (He takes the picture with his finger over the lens.)
Chandler: Who are you? Ansel Adams?! Get outta here!
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross is taking a picture of a plant, Chandler a fork. The band stops.]
Chandler: Why dont you go up on stage. Ill get a picture of you doing the speech.
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Chandler: Okay, you ready for the last picture?
Chandler: Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.) Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and they both run out.)
Monica: I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going to trust me with anything ever again!
(Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.)
Chandler: Were back!
Chandler: Its picture time.
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
Chandler: Eh?
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Chandler: Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Chandler: Call it even?!
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Chandler: It's a kitchen slash bathroom.
[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom wont let me cross the street.
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
JOEY: Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind Chandler] Was that the oven timer?
Chandler: Ah, uh, I owe you a long overdue apology. I never should have broken up with you because you were overweight.
Chandler: Look, you cant call somebody after this long just to say, In case you didnt notice, I dont like you!
Chandler: Youre right, and Im sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I wont say another word tonight.
Chandler: Great. It was great. Shes ah, shes great, great looking, great personality, shes greatness.
Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)
Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Chandler: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away).
Chandler: (jumping up) Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!
Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Chandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.
[Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.]
Chandler: Okay, cause thats not gonna get annoying.
Chandler: You had a dream about a girl that I am seeing?! Oh, that is so cool! (To Monica) I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt about a girl that he was seeing. (Seeing Monica's stare.) (To Joey) Anyway we're talking about your dream. (To Monica) I love you. (To Joey) Your dream? (Leans in to listen closely.)
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
(She frowns.� Chandler picks up the hand set.)
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?
Chandler: (banging a spoon against his beer bottle) Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement. Ive decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther!
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price.
David: Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a couch up a staira very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably I-I think it was the hardest Ive-Ive laughed in my life period.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Susie are making out on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
CHANDLER: Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it.
[Flashback to The One With The Jellyfish, Chandler and Monica are lying on the beach.]
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
Chandler: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. (Kisses her.)
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him under the table] They do have the shrimp.
Monica: Fair? Please dont even talk to me about fair! Fair wouldve been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair wouldve been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
[Scene: At the Beach, its raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachels hat.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!
Chandler: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at bigger rocks. (He starts to leave and stops an entering Rachel.) Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?
Chandler: What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?!
Chandler: Oh, that's ok.I'll just try and reschedule. (on the phone) "Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there and I need to change it (pause) Oh, what do you mean it's not refundable? Can I just come some other time? (pause) Oh, can't you make an exception?"
[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Chandler: (In a parent-like tone) Ill talk to them!
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is wiping the coffee table and Chandler is trying to look at her bra and leans over on the coffee table to get a good look.]
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
(Chandler gives Joey her business card, which he eagerly grabs and he leaves.)
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Chandler: (from his bedroom) All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?!
Rachel: and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean Im really worried the babys not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?
Chandler: Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier?
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
Chandler: Yes, but the batteries...
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is buying a muffin as Chandler runs in.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
Chandler: Well, if were gonna do that we should come up with some kind of order. Yknow alphabetically or by genre?
Chandler: Oh. Yknow, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasnt because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me cause, youre really hot! Is that okay?
Chandler: I tried, but apparantly singing "I will survive" in a helium voice - not helping.
(She gets up and storms out. The people at the other tables are staring at Chandler.)
Chandler: I can see it now, "Look dad, its the Sphinx!" (Does that party noise again.)
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you werent all drippy here. (Points to his nose.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
Chandler: There's not gonna be a next time! You can not ever see him again!
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Chandler: Okay! (He grabs his carryon and starts rummaging through it.) Oh man! Dont tell me I did this!
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
(Chandler gives him a round of mock applause.)
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
Chandler: (sees her foot is in a slush puddle) Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle.
Chandler: Oh come on you big faker!
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Chandler: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!
Chandler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why dont you put down your copy of The Rules huh mantrap?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Chandler: Okay, lets play! The big game, Italy vs. China, apparently.
(Chandler walks by and Joey lets out an evil "muhahaho".)
CHANDLER: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?