words in movies
Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Chandler: Hi.
Chandler: Oh, DAMN IT!
(Dr. Connelly glares at Chandler)
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Chandler: (entering) Hey guys!
Chandler: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.
Chandler: But you come first!
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.
Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Chandler: (stopping Joey) ah-ha!
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Chandler: (to Mon) So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is "spermtastic"!
Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Chandler: Ok!
Chandler: (bringing the beer to Zack) Zack!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartement. Chandler and the guest are in the living room, Monica in the kitchen]
Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. (Chandler points him the bathroom) Thanks!
Chandler: So what do you think? I want that guys genes for my kid! Those eyes, those cheeckbones!
Chandler: You don't like him.
Chandler: Alright! Just follow my lead!
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Chandler: (very seriously) That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.
Monica: We're just making conversation. (Chandler makes an agreeing-sound)
Chandler: You know what's not funny? Male Pattern Baldness (Monica stretches her neck to look behind Zack's head and then gives Chandler an "ok" sign)
Monica & Chandler: Sure! Alright...
Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Chandler: (Proceeding with his dinner) We're teeth people Zack!
Chandler: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Chandler: Ok.
Chandler: I think we've found our sperm!
Chandler: Yeah, you think so, well? Should I ask him?
Chandler: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!
Chandler: Yeah, he's better!
Chandler: Really? Are you sure?
Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Chandler: So you know this leaves us with...
Chandler: How do you feel about that?
Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Chandler: (smiling) Yeah.
Chandler: We are gonna be great parents.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: Hey, Zack!
Zack: (hardly enthusiastic) Hey Chandler.
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: My wife and I have some boundary issues, you know, sometimes we ask inappropriate questions. We're working on it.
Chandler: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?
Chandler: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
Chandler: Okay uh, heres the electric bill. (Hands it to him.)
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
CHANDLER: I think they get it.
JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?
RACH: Chandler told me.
Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
(He licks his fingers, liking it. He offers Chandler a taste.)
[Chandler enters with his hair full of mousse and a cheesy moustache]
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! (They settle down) What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and Ill bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.]
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
[Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is wiping down the peninsula counter as Joey enters dressed like a cowboy.]
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.
CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?
CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?
Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: You know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
Chandler: Hey.
CHANDLER: OK.
Chandler: (slides the juice across the counter which Joey catches) What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.
CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas right?
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
CHANDLER: And twenty-five it is.
CHANDLER: [grabs for seat belt] Where's my seat belt?
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]
CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey!
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for.
Chandler: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?
CHANDLER: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Alright.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
CHANDLER: Yeah, didn't he tell ya?
Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'?
CHANDLER: Alright, we're gettin' closer.
CHANDLER: Well, so why not go knock?
CHANDLER: Oh, that's OK, we'll figure something out.
CHANDLER: OK, Phoebs, your turn.
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
CHANDLER: And, a lemon lime.
CHANDLER: You hear that? We're the guys.
[Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.]
Chandler: So, shouldnt we go give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
CHANDLER: And last but not least.
Chandler: Tyrannosaurus!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica switches off the VCR. Joey and Chandler are behind the couch.]
Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again?
Chandler: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr. Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
MNCA: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing stage names.]
[Russ enters, walking in behind Chandler.]