words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
CHANDLER: Thanks.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: (peeping) They're out there!
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler are thrown back in the seat]
(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.]
CHANDLER: Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.
CHANDLER: That's right my friend. It's time for...
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting between Rachel and Ross.]
CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we dare?
CHANDLER: But...
RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.
Chandler: Wait a minute, its perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and were in a building thats full of beds!
CHANDLER: So uhh, how's the palace?
CHANDLER: Oh, uhh, actually I uh, have some news.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]
CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
Chandler: I think I know what you mean though...the lamp is the hotel's, but the bulbs (goes to take the bulb)...oh, you already got that.
CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.
CHANDLER: Morning.
CHANDLER: See ya. [Eddie leaves]
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Oh it's uh, over there on the table.
CHANDLER: Oh, ooh.
CHANDLER: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
CHANDLER: Oh, I couldn't be happier.
CHANDLER: Well I do, but uh, Eddie makes them this way and, well they're pretty darn good.
CHANDLER: Well I like both eggs equally.
CHANDLER: Alright, so what's it about?
CHANDLER: There's another carton right over there.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book.
Joey: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.
CHANDLER: Hey Eddie, you uh, wanna play some foosball?
CHANDLER: You don't like that show?
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
PHOEBE: Chandler.
CHANDLER: God that is good TV.
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
CHANDLER: How long you been waitin' to say that?
CHANDLER: Ah he's a, he's not a big fan of foosball.
Chandler: And was the curse lifted?
CHANDLER: That was so lame.
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.
CHANDLER: Well it's not Sean Penn.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still very sick and is entering the living room from the bathroom wearing a robe. Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty.
CHANDLER: Oh.
CHANDLER: Hi.
CHANDLER: Oh, oh, c'mon in.
CHANDLER: Bit country? C'mon in here you roomie.
CHANDLER: Bye.
CHANDLER: Yes. Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little...
CHANDLER: So, we gettin' a fish?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are lamenting about how they kicked Ross out.]
CHANDLER: No he's, he's alright, just uh, he spends most of his time in his room.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing Richard at foosball.]
Chandler: (looking around at the others)I'll ask. (To Ross) Boohaki?
CHANDLER: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
CHANDLER: There was no fish when she dropped it off.
CHANDLER: Buddy?
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.]
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
CHANDLER: Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Blepe?
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
CHANDLER: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's.
Monica: Chandler! (Joey and his grandmother shush them and wave them away, which they do.) Okay, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to flirt, but not for me.
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV]
CHANDLER: Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish.
CHANDLER: Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, by the way.