words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Chandler: No, no, no. No-no-no.
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Chandler: Oh, okay, time's up!
Chandler: Oh that's not bad, Pheebs?
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? (Joey strikes one from his list) There you go.
Chandler: Oooh that may be a New World's record (Looks at his watch and picks up Ross' pad)
Chandler: Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states. (Smiles and hands Ross back his pad)
Chandler: I am only one man! (Monica heads out) Okay Ross, time is up!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Chandler: Okay, but if you can't no dinner!
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something.
Chandler: Which smells delicious!
Chandler: What?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Chandler: Tell her, I'm allergic, and I will sue!
[Time lapse, Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Chandler: What is it doing here?
Monica: Oooh, I wish she could stay here, but Chandler is allergic!
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Chandler: (gasping) Really?
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Chandler: Well, it still has to go, right?
Chandler: Okay, it's um
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.
Chandler: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.
Chandler: (scared) Is there a puppy here?
Chandler: (to Tag) Okay, you are new!
Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin ice cream.
Chandler: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
Phoebe: I've had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Phoebe: Where's Chandler?
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Here I am.
Chandler: How did you know? (Heads back into the bathroom)
Phoebe: (interrupts him) No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: Well, I, I should go in there.
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: This is ridiculous. (He heads for Phoebe's bedroom)
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Chandler: Monica's all upset, because I sent Clunkers away.
Chandler: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me?
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Chandler: And that doesn't scare you? (He walks out)
Phoebe: (opens her bedroom door and peeks out) Hey, is Chandler here?
Chandler: No, no he went for a walk.
[The door opens and Chandler comes in. Rachel covers the door with a blanket]
Chandler: Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Chandler: Clunkers?! Oh my god!
Chandler: (to Clunkers) It is so good to see you!
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
Chandler: It's up to you.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
Chandler: All right.
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Chandler: Yeah. (Throws the pad on the table and heads for the bedroom)
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
Rachel: Well yknow what they say, the 23rd times the charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).
Chandler: Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw" in front of the B-A-B-Y.
Chandler: There just don't happen to be any women in our games.
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we cant leave in the small apartment after weve lived here! Didnt you ever read Flowers for Algernon?
Chandler: (resigning himself to his fate) Chandler. (He quickly sits down.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Chandler: Arent you just a tinsy bit curious?
Chandler: The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
[Scene: Gary's cop car, Ross is in the front seat with Gary of course. Chandler is in the back seat.]
Chandler: so then the farmer says, "Thats not a cow and youre not milking it." (Everyone laughs.)
Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldnt. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Chandler: See ya. (Ross exits, and Chandler moves over next to Joey, laughing.) Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party.
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, lets trade! The timings perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Chandler: So--You got in voluntarily?!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
Chandler: Why? Okay? Why? Wh-wh-why did that have to happen?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Chandler: (to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are discussing what to do about the now naked hooker in the guestroom.]
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Chandler: Youre not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
Chandler: Score! Where are the disposable cameras?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you?
Chandler: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Chandler: Because hes crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious.
Chandler: One of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things? Like this.
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Woman: Excuse me, I-I couldnt help overhearing, youre marrying Chandler Bing?
Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
Monica: (To Chandler) We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we?
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do?
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once didn't get a whole lot else done.
Chandler: Thats a mailman! Thats our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is reading a 'Busty Ladies' magazine when Chandler enters.]
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means were unhappy forever. Sound good?
Chandler: Uh then there was that dialect coach who helped you with that play where you needed a southern accent. Which after twenty hours of lessons still came out Jamaican.
Chandler: No! I just happened t�do a lot trivias about smoking in different states. For example, in Hawaii cigarettes are called Leyhallalookoos.
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering, dragging Chandler, to mediate the argument between Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.
Chandler: What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'?
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Joey: Sure, its hard to forget! But that doesnt mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.
Chandler: God! She is not stealing from us! Okay, will you let this go?
Chandler: Its a hand. Its a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
Chandler: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Chandler: Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.
Chandler: All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.
Chandler: You're right, by saying "nice" I'm virtually licking her.
CHANDLER: I like this girl, okay, I seriously like this girl, you now how sometimes I tend get a little defended and quipy...
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
[Scene: house next to the one the Bings are moving into. Chandler and Monica knock, a lady opens the door.]