words in movies
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50.
Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.
Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old.
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]
Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping.
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?
Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.
(Chandler leaves.)
(Chandler enters, running.)
Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.
Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?
Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?
Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
Chandler: Shall I carve?
Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?
Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Chandler: Here, here!
Chandler: You know, it haunts me? Up til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Chandler: Hey Rach!
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom.
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Chandler: She answered.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
Chandler: They do me?
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Ross: Oh, oh Chandler...
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: What?!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Chandler: You look great. I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.
Chandler: Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
Chandler: Im sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why dont you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Chandler: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!
Chandler: Okay.
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey...
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.
Chandler: Will power? I�ve watch home movies of you eating ding-dongs (?) without taking the tin foil off.
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph.
Chandler: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin?
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya.
Chandler: So what does this mean?
RACHEL: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.
Chandler: Umm, you know how we always said that it would be fun to move to Paris for a year? You know, you could study French cooking and I could write and we could take a picnic along the Seine and go wine tasting in Bordeaux?
Chandler: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?
Chandler: Dont worry about it. Im taking care of it tonight. (Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.
Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
(Ross and Chandler laughs)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch reading.]
Chandler: Work people? Nobody told me.
Chandler: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: You think I should?
Chandler: Then, I don't get it.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.)
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
Chandler: They do?
Chandler: But I just wa...
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend.
(Chandler struts out from his apartment)
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Chandler: Okay, hating this.
Chandler: Here we go, here we go.
Chandler: Yeah, like in a cab...
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.