words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch. Monica and Joey enter.]
Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . (She jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.)
Chandler: Oh, okay, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
Ross: Oh! (She kisses him) Ah. (They kiss more, and move down onto the couch. Ross's hand moves under some garbage) Aw! (His hand is covered with something brown and gooey.)
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Chandler: Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, wed really appreciate it. (Joey nods in agreement)
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the entire gang is there, eating breakfast. Phoebe is on the couch, fidgeting.]
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Janice are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? (Danny nods, "Yes.") Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!
CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end."
Ross: That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Joey: Estelle said I didn't get it. (Sits down next to Rachel on the couch.)
[Scene: Elizabeth Hornswoggle's apartment; Ross is there on his date with her. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Ross is obviously hot.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.]
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is sitting on the couch with Katie.]
The Salesman: You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.
The Salesman: You picked a great couch.
(Chandler and Ross head for opposite ends of the couch.)
Rachel: Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.
Rachel: Any chance you think the couch looks good there?
(They set the couch down.)
(Rachel pushes on the couch and pushes Ross out the door.)
[The camera cuts to show the couch, which has been cut in half.]
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Chandler: (looking at the sketch) Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
[Scene: The couch store, Ross is talking to a saleswoman.]
The Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? (Ross nods yes.) It's cut in half!
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!
Ross: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.
Rachel: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?
Ross: Okay, go left. Left! Left! (The bottom of the couch is hitting the railing.)
Ross: Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's this? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!
Ross: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. (Showing them) Okay Rach, (points to the sketch) that's you. That's the couch. (Points again.)
[Cut to Chandler and Monica on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on couch and Rachel is getting some coffee. Phoebe keeps turning her head from to keep from looking at Rachel.]
Monica: (noticing Rachel crawling behind the couch) Rach? What are you doing?
(Chandler has moved forward and is now underneath the couch as it heads up the first set of stairs.)
Rachel: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. (Puts 'em on.)
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
Ross: Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there. (Goes and sits on the couch dejectedly.)
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I wantI need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Monica: Sit down. (They sit down on the couch.)
(Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are carrying a couch through the door)
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay. (They move to the couch.)
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
Danny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Monica: Well, the end table is wrong, The couch looks bizarre and don't even get me started on the refrigerator magnets.
(He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
[Gunther slips and falls just before reaching the back of the couch. Monica and Phoebe come into Central Perk.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is working on her holiday song, Chandler is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, and Ross is sleeping on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch staring off into space as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Chandler: OK well here, we'll just move the coffee table closer to the couch.
[Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
Hillary: Would you like to move over to the couch?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is trying to repair the thing she broke earlier, but gets interrupted by hearing Ross at the door. She panics and throws the thing into the kitchen. And runs to the couch as Ross enters.]
[Jack and Judy come out of Monicas room and sit down on the couch.]
(Phoebe looks under the couch)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
[Scene, Phoebe and Rachels, theyre sitting together on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: (happily) Im off the list. (Sits on the couch.)
Monica: Thats the couch.
Rachel: (on the couch) Oh hi! Yknow, I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, the next morning, Rachel is passed out on the couch.]
Chandler: Theres no back to this couch!
[Scene: The lobby of Ross's building, he's sitting on the couch at the bottom of the stairs, and he's practicing enticing women to join him on the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
Rachel: Okay. (She climbs back onto the couch.)
The Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?
Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]
Rachel: IOhh! (Moves over and lets Eldad sit on the couch.)
Chandler: (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
(They fall to the couch and start to make out, but Ross stops suddenly.)
Katie: Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the couch.)
Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)