words in movies
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Director: Lose the robe.
Director: That would work.
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Director: No, that was clenching.
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Joey: Oh, you know, the writing was good, and the director is good, and... and my co-star's good but they're not as good as me!
Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
Casting Director No. 2: Name?
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
DIRECTOR: Cut.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
The Director: Joe. Hows it going?
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Director: Lovely, just lovely.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Director: Have fun.
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Director: All right, let's do it!
Director: No, no, no. What was that?
Director: Well, people!
The Director: Yes?
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, were gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
The Director: (returning) Okay, Im afraid to say this, but lets pick it up where we left off.
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
The Director: All right, its time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.)
Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, hes good looking.
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
The Director: You ready to go?
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
Stage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
Stage Director: This will be your phone.
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
Stage Director: We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
The Casting Director: Sure. What?
The Casting Director: Okay, anytime.
The Casting Director: All right, let's try one.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
The Casting Director: Okay! Thank you! That was great!
The Casting Director: I think we've seen enough!
The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Casting Director #3: You mean dying man?
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
Rachel: Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me!
Casting Director #2: No.
Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
Casting Director #1: Whenever youre ready.
Casting Director #1: Oh my God!!
The Director: All right, from the top.
The Director: And Action!
Stage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.
The Director: Uh sure.
The Director: Action!
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
The Director: All right! Lets try this again! You ready Joe?
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
Casting Director #1: Hold it. Im sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less intense?
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Director: Okay, everybody hold!
The Casting Director: Okayyyy! Anddd, go!
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Director: (To Joey) Okay, youre dancing with that girl over there.
(The director shakes his head.)
Director: OK, everyone gather up.
Director: Really, ythink so? I dont..
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
Director: Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that!
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Director: Whats going on over here?
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
Director: Cut!
Director: Alright were back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! (He continues to count as we hear Joey think)
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Director: Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out.