words in movies
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
The Casting Director: Okay.
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
(The casting director shakes her head.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
The Director: Yeah.
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
DIRECTOR: Cut.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
Director: All right, let's do it!
Director: Lovely, just lovely.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Director: Have fun.
Director: No, no, no. What was that?
Director: Well, people!
The Director: Joe. Hows it going?
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, hes good looking.
The Director: Yes?
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
The Director: You ready to go?
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, were gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
The Director: (returning) Okay, Im afraid to say this, but lets pick it up where we left off.
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
The Director: All right, its time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.)
Stage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
Stage Director: This will be your phone.
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
Stage Director: We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
The Casting Director: Sure. What?
The Casting Director: Okay, anytime.
The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
The Casting Director: Okay! Thank you! That was great!
The Casting Director: I think we've seen enough!
The Casting Director: All right, let's try one.
The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.
Casting Director #1: Whenever youre ready.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
Casting Director #2: No.
Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
Rachel: Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me!
Casting Director #3: You mean dying man?
Casting Director #1: Oh my God!!
The Director: All right! Lets try this again! You ready Joe?
The Director: Uh sure.
The Director: Action!
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
The Director: All right, from the top.
The Director: And Action!
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
Casting Director #1: Hold it. Im sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less intense?
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Stage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
The Casting Director: Okayyyy! Anddd, go!
Director: Okay, everybody hold!
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Director: Really, ythink so? I dont..
Director: OK, everyone gather up.
Director: (To Joey) Okay, youre dancing with that girl over there.
(The director shakes his head.)
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Director: Whats going on over here?
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
Director: Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that!
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
Director: Cut!
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
Director: Alright were back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! (He continues to count as we hear Joey think)
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
The Casting Director: Umm, do you sell these bags?
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
Casting Director #2: Thats where you pick up the bag.
Director: Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out.
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
The Director: Cut!
The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you!
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
The Director: And cut!
The Assistant Director: (approaching) Hey Joey! Were ready.
The Director: But youre not bald.
The Director: Action!
The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Heres your call sheet for tomorrow.