words in movies
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
Joey: You were supposed to duck!!! Why didnt you duck?
(The guys all duck under the table.)
Joey: No you cant do that, where would the chick and the duck live?
Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)
Joey: H-h-h-hows the duck?
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
(He hear a duck start quacking, and see it waddle into the living room from the bathroom. Joey wants to know whats with the duck.)
Chandler: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Chandler: Well the duck can swim.
Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Mr. Treeger:: Hey Duck, is Chick here?
Chandler: Step away from the duck.
(The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)
Kathy: (laughs) What about the duck?
(He moves to kiss her, but stops when he hears the duck.)
Rachel: Throw in the duck too!
(The chick and the duck walk into the living room.)
(As they approach the door, Chandler comes out carrying his duck.)
Chandler: (opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
Joey: Yeah, but what if he doesnt? Hes such a good duck.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Joey: Yeah. Ill let you play with my duck.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
Rachel: Do you remember where the duck food is?
Joey: All right, Im gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.
(The duck starts quacking.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]
Chandler: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" Im happy all the time!
(The duck quacks.)
(The duck flaps its wings frantically.)
(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty treat.)
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs
Joey: Sorry! Sorry, Im late; sorry, Im late! My duck and my chick and a fight, it-it was ugly.
Chandler: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
[Scene: Guru Sajs office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica thats as good as garbage?
Chandler: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Rachel are there, and Phoebe enters with the Chick and the Duck.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
Joey: Well, the duck
Ross: (to Chandler) Thats a duck.
[Cut to Joey and Rachels, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open the door to find the duck.]
Rachel: What?! The duck?! What the hell did the damn duck do now?!
Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!
Rachel: Now Joey, what did the duck do?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Joey: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. Im the chick and Chandler is the duck.
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Joey: I couldnt help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesnt and Joey punches Ross. Gunther is amused.)
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Chandler: (to the duck) Okay, now when you come back I hope you remember that, that chick is not a toy! (He goes back into the apartment)
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
[The next one is from Episode 512: The One With Chandlers Work Laugh, Joey and Phoebe are betting on who will reach the treat the fastest, the chick or the duck.]
Ross: Okay, I�ll have the fixed salad and the duck.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later. Rachel is waitressing, Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz).]
Phoebe: It's a baby chick and duck!
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, let's see. (she takes her mobile phone) Ok, duck down. (they both get down to hide themselves. Phoebe calls Chandler)
[Scene: The Animal Hospital, the guys have taken the duck in to remove the ring. Joey is pacing around like an expectant father.]
Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
2nd Customer: It was. The duck in particular was superb.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters. Joey is holding a baby duck.]
Joey: Uh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
Joey: Sure, yeah. Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?
Joey: Ah... Chick Jr.? Duck Jr.? Don't hide from mama!
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Joey: Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the wall. (The duck complies.) Hardly move. (The duck complies.) Be white. (The duck complies.)
Joey: What do you have against the duck?! He doesnt make any noise!
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Monica: Well, Ive tried everything. I give up. I guess Im not gonna be the mom who makes the worlds best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right.
Tommy: (noticing the chick) Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. (picks up the chick) Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? (starts to pet him) Aww. (The chick poops on his hand.) Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, Im so cute, Im a little chick whos disgusting! God, youre so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! (the duck wattles behind him and quacks) (to the duck) Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with the chick and the duck.]
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Monica: You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. (being sat down) Ooh, uh, thanks. Wow, little tight, isn�t it? How d�you get a bigger table? You-you had a big table, but they made you move. Huh-huh, shut up Monica. Whoo, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck.
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then its Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then its Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and its concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping its wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..