words in movies
Ross: (he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct "
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Joey: Ooh, its probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, Im kinda .
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Phoebe: I was preparing you for mydidnt you think I was dead? Did that not come off?
Monica: No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Rachel: Well, were a little early, the lecture doesnt end for 15 minutes.
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Ross: (in accent) Right, will you excuse us for one moment? (Takes Monica aside.) (In his normal voice.) What are you doing?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Joey: Hi. Im Joey Tribbiani; Im here to audition for (Groans) man.
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.
Chandler: Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something?
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...
Rachel: Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when theyre done with them they just send em back.
Charlie: Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... (pause) There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.
Joey: Well we have to make room for the fresh ones.
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.
Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!
Monica: Oh, well dont take it to the same place you took the stereo, cause theyve had that thing for over a week.
Ross: Ill tell you what Mon, Ill give you the first box for free.
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean were gonna have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his shoulders.)
Ross: Well hey, who did these resumes for ya?
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Ross: No, please, please, um, its for a poor little girl who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in the world.
Chandler: Run, Joey! Run for your life! (runs out)
Joey: And now for the great news.
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: (to himself) Good for a scrud.
Monica: (she reaches out for it and stops) Oh God! I gotta go! (runs out)
Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here (gives her the flowers he bought.)
Chandler: Oh, y'know what, Im gonna be okay, you dont have to throw a party for me.
Mr. Kaplan: Well, dont think I havent noticed your potential. Well, Ive got a project for you thats a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]
Ross: Exactly, itll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Monica: I know, hes too charming, but if you two start going out, then its just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.
CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
Joey: No, only for sex.
Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
MONICA: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know, and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard happier.
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Im asking you first, right?!. I mean Im playing by the rules.
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, Ive worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. (points to the counter.)
Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?
Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.
Rachel: Yeah, and you dont mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
RACHEL: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didnt think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monicas shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Monica: Do you wanna come in for some lemonade?
CHANDLER: Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.
Monica: Please, I'm not going for anything.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Mark: (turning around) And wait, I've got something for you. (kisses her)
Joey: Itll be great for next weekend.
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Ross: So, for the whole weekend?
Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. Its three.
Ross: Well, Im just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.
Ross: And what are you going to do for him?
Rachel: For every night that youre asleep before I get home from work...
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
Ross: Yknow, okay. Youre right. It is huge. So why dont we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?
[Scene: Central Perk, Robert is picking up Phoebe for a date.]
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. (Holds out her arms for a hug.)
Jeannine: (to Monica) All right, I just got changed in thirty seconds so you can be alone with him. You'd better go for it.
Robert: (to Phoebe) So are ready for the gym? Theyve got this new rock climbing wall, we can spot each other.
MNCA: There's an ad for a naked chef?
Chandler: Well, thats pretty much all Im looking for from these people.
Phoebe: Oh no, one of those look for the hidden meaning songs.
Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldnt wait. I left the lid up for ya though.
Rachel: Nooo, hes leaving for a better job.
Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
Monica: No Chandler no! No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
Phoebe: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler if he can wait for like five minutes.
Monica: Wait a minute, why dont you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, youve got to make stuff happen.
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Richard: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows her out)
CHAN: [squirming] All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while youre making out...
Kim: Oh don't be sorry, that's part of your job here to give your opinions and then I take credit for them--I'm kidding.
Joey: Itll be great for next weekend. I mean, (in an Irish accent) itll be grrreat.
Rachel: (angrily) None for me.
Ross: For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?
Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...
PHOEBE: You know, what I think is so great that you are totally into this person and yet for all you know she could be like 90 years old, or have two heads, or. It could be a guy.
Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Yknow? The only problem is, Carls acting is (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
Mark: Its for me.
Mischa: (to Phoebe) Sergei, would like to apologise for my behaviour tonight.
Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! (Throws them out and closes the door.) (To Cecilia) I-I am so sorry. I
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
Chloe: Thats so great for you guys!
JOEY: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything?
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Monica: Cause if you do that means youd be cancelling it for me, and were just friends.