words in movies
Chandler: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.
Chandler: Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour. (Phoebe stares at him wide-eyed. Chandler sees her reaction.) That didn't happen, I made that up!
(Ross suddenly gets up and heads for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Storage Room in the basement of Monica and Rachel's building, Monica and Rachel are looking for something.]
Monica: Oh he's nice. He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog!
Phoebe: He says, that he would cremate my fur coat for free if I umm, y'know, bring in the next person I know who dies.
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
Rachel: So from that you think you've got me all figured out? Well, you don't! Y'know I-I could have toys for underprivileged kids in here!
Danny: Okay. (Heads for his apartment.)
Rachel: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Rachel, are getting ready for dinner.]
Joey: Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!!
(Rachel waves her hands in disgust and starts to head for her room.)
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
JOEY: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?
Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?
Rachel: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesnt need to be; shell still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.)
PHOEBE: Thank you for coming everybody. There're cookies in the back.
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
JOEY: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.
RACHEL: OK, I'm doin' it for ya.
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
[a voice in the background calls for makeup]
CHANDLER: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
ROSS: Ok, Pheebs! How 'bout we'll each just pay for what we had. It's no big deal.
ROSS: Thanks for letting me tag along tonight you guys.
CHANDLER: I'm going to the bathroom now. [leaves for the bathroom]
SUSIE: Meet me in the bathroom. [she leaves for the bathroom]
SUSIE: This is for the fourth grade.
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
MONICA: Well, what made you make the exception for me?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.
MONICA: Well, bye for me too. [kisses him]
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
[Scene: A kitchen somewhere. Monica is interviewing for a job]
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
Carol: Listen, we both know youre gonna do it cause youre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...
MRS. GELLER: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.
JOEY: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
JOEY: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
Joey: Wow, Ive admired your work for years. You-youve done some really amazing stuff.
Ross: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I don't really even feel him in here anymore.
RACHEL: Yeah well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Ross: Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, Id be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups.
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
MONICA: Ross, come sign this birthday card for dad. Rich is gonna be here any minute.
MRS. GELLER: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?
Ross: (gasps) You know what? This calls for a bottle of Israels finest.
MRS. GELLER: Almost time for cake.
JOEY: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
Rachel: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
Rachel: Uh, he took the SAT's for me.
CHANDLER: That's right my friend. It's time for...
Joey: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.
Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what?
Phoebe: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And its against my oath as a masseuse.
JOEY: Well I uh, got what I came for. [puts on moose hat] I'll uh, I'll see you guys.
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!
Ross: (To Monica) Okay, I know Im not supposed to know, but I do. And Im so excited for you!
Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book.
ROSS: And that wasn't fun for you?
[Cut to London, we sit Ross sitting outside Emilys apartment. We hear Emilys phone ring with amazing clarity. Apparently, sound travels quite easily through the walls of British buildings. Anyhoo, Ross looks around for the ringing phone and in the meantime Emilys answering machine picks up and once again with amazing clarity we hear Emily say ]
Joey: You got pregnant for funny?! Dina if hes funny laugh! All right, Ill be back in a little while! You stay here!
EDDIE: I tell ya, I-, I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.
Eric: I am so stupid. Of course she was lying! Shes not a teacher. Theres not such a thing as the top secret elementary school for the children of spies.
Phoebe: Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
RICHARD: Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart, now you, that's two.
MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
Ross: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just, I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
RACHEL: Ok, I, I will do your laundry for one month.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, I will, I will, I, hey, I will clean the apartment for two months.
Waiter: I'm sorry sir, these are for the pharmaceutical convention (walks away)
MONICA: All right. We're gonna go. It's not for another six hours. We're gonna go then.
Phoebe: I dont accept this rule. When me make plans, I expect you to show up. Okay, I cant just be a way to kill time til you meet someone better! Yknow boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this (Motions that their friendship) is for life!
Phoebe: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu.
David: Well, just for a couple of days, uhm... I'm here to explain to the people who gave us our grant, why it's a positive thing that we spent all their money and uhm... accomplished uhm... nothing.
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh.
ROSS: Naa. A while ago I got a sah out of him, which I thought, ya know, might turn into sah-condary caregiver but... Hey, would you uh, would you hold him for a sec, 'cause I, I gotta take this off.
CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.
Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)