words in movies
Monica: Joe... Emus are birds. You raise them for meat.
Rachel: Uh, he took the SAT's for me.
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Joey: Well, you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you?
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
Phoebe: Yeah... Oh Bitsy, hi. Uhm... listen I just wanted to thank you again for having me here tonight.
Chandler: Then you're gonna have to watch it for me.
Chandler: Just for a few seconds, so I can know what it is... Please?
Joey: Yeah, see... you were all worried for nothing.
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Monica: Isn't that sad? I mean, can you see how pathetic that is? You shouldn't be jealous. You should feel bad for him.
Monica: I-It's just so insulting! Big spring for a new blank tape, Doctor!
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
Mike: Mom, dad, thanks for dinner.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Emma is in her bed and Ross and Rachel are rapping and dancing for her.]
Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Chandler: For three years?
Monica: I'm gonna leave some cards here. Please think of us for you next event.
Monica: Oh, great! Just what you want for a new house with infants. Bird feces.
Phoebe: Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, Im gonna do that for you.
Kathy: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book.
Kathy: Um, thank you for the gift.
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, Im ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
CHANDLER: [stares in disbeliefe] Yeah o-, OK, alright. [oven timer goes off] Doesn't matter, time for Baywatch.
Phoebe Sr: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.
Phoebe: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you (Points to Chandler) about, cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me.
Joey: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something?
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Phoebe: Im so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see youre play. I swear youre play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. Youre play is the next play is the next play Im gonna see.
Chandler: Wow! Really?! We get all this rusty crap for free?!
Phoebe: (to Monica) Anyway, Im going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translators date? So that when we, its time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, hes really, hes kinda cute.
Rachel: All right! Ross, do you think its easy for me to see you with somebody else?
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, Im sorry, you havent said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
CASTING GUY: Ok, listen, thanks for coming in.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, number 30.
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
Tim: She-she wasnt ready for a serious commitment.
Monica: I was probably waiting for it to open.
Ross: Hes coming here for Thanksgiving!
Amanda: I appreciate this soo much, I've been trying to go out with this guy for like a month.
Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm terrific.
Rachel: Fancy soap? I thought we were savin that for the Pope!
Ross: Like em, like em? Or, Id like to get store credit for that amount like em?
Joey: Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Kathy: I'm sorry, you're right, I apologize, but I should tell you that I'm waiting for a date. (Joey enters) Oh, and there he is now.
Chandler: Oh yknow what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
Ross: I dont know what to say, Im sorry. Though, youre not supposed to take these. (Points to the bone) Its like a million years old, we, we actually, we had people looking for that.
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the Does it? part in the letter.)
Joey: And-and you wont blame us for any damage? (Gives Phoebe a thumbs up.)
Phoebe: Yeah, its for our catering business!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?
Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and youre captured, youre in for a big surprise.
Phoebe: All right, Im gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, quick question for ya.
Phoebe: For what? I cant believe this! I gotta get out of here. (leaves)
Phoebe: (goes and gets some cookies) Well, so, umm, anyway umm, Ive been, Ive been looking for my Father, and umm, have you heard from him, or seen him?
Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.
Monica: It was a project for one of the Home Ec classes.
Kathy: You must really like... Joey... to go to all that trouble for him.
(She goes for his magazine and he grabs it away before she reaches it. But she was only using the magazine as a decoy because she grabs his cookie and coffee, takes a bite out of the cookie and drinks some of the coffee.)
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
Chandler: Thanks, its ah, Gaelic, for Thy turkeys done. So ah, Im gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Joey: Well, I know what Im giving you for Christmas.
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care.
Ross: So listen ah, I picked Monica for secret Santa, but Im already getting her something for Chanukah, I was wondering if you wanna switch.
Chandler: (he glares at him for a while) Yes.
Monica: Nah, he doesnt do anything for me.
Mike: Oh wow! Im free for her!
Chandler: (to Rachel) Have I got the 50 guys for you!
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
Rachel: You told this guy that I was looking for a fling?! You dont tell the guy that!
[Scene: A lobby, Ross is waiting for Rachel, after her interview.]
Rachel: Hey Mon, little question for ya! How do you think this suit will look on an assistant buyer?
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have youre work cut out for you. Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that shes into some other guy. So
Joey: Oh, ah, tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Drew: Ahh, I just got out of a big relationship, Im not looking for any thing serious.
Ross: Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.
Ross: Just go for it Chandler.
Phoebe Sr: Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Yknow
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Joey: Uhh, do you mind sitting there. Im-Im saving this for my friend Ross.
Chandler: If they cant find a home for her, they kill her! And Im not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Joey: Okay. I will. Ohh! Check out what they got me to wear for the ceremony! (Runs to his apartment and returns wearing a rather silly hat.) Huh? I wear it like this when I marry you guys, and then this (He tilts it to the side of his head) is for party time.
Phoebe: Ooh, yknow what, I think its time for puppy to go out again. Come on, lets go to the balcony.
Ross: Okay, good-good for you.
Rachel: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are things to think about.
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Phoebe Sr: Well, yeah! I mean yeah, but only for three days.
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Phoebe: Thats a good idea for a business!
Mrs. Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?
Monica: Oh, I was thinking about having people over for the game.
Rachel: Hi, Im Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
Joey: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over.... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"
(Rachel laughs hysterically for no reason.)
Monica: No, wait, please dont go! Ive got porn for you too!
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Ross: (to Isabella) Hi! Hi, Im Ross, you dont know me, but Im a big, big fan of yours. I mean, Blue Velvet, woo-oo hoo! Um, I was wondering if I could um, maybe buy you a cup of coffee? (Gunther hands her change) Or maybe reimburse you for that one?
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Joey: (entering) Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you!
Joey: Well, that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt.
Joshua: All right, thank you so much for all your help.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Joey: Okay, for next time, what do you say?