words in movies
(Joey walks away and Mr. and Mrs. Geller walk up. Mr. Geller is wearing this ancient velvet tuxedo.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Chandler) Youve done a wonderful job with this party Chandler. Everything looks so lovely.
Chandler: Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I cant believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! (To Mr. Geller) And you! I cant believe that you would have a tux thats thirty years old! (Puts his hand on Mr. Gellers shoulder.)
Mr. Geller: Its older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo.
Mr. Geller: Crap.
Chandler: See? (Does his laugh.) Here we go. (Starts walking her to their room, and has to pass in front of Mr. Geller whos sitting at the table and Mrs. Geller whos standing next to him.)
Mr. Geller: Happy birthday, sweetie! Give us a hug! (Starts to get up.)
Mrs. Geller: (stopping him) Dont get up Jack! The safety pins are about to blow.
Mrs. Geller: Speech! Come on Monica!
Mr. Geller: (filming this) Hey Chandler, you cant keep your hands off her for one second!
Mrs. Geller: Oh-ho, I think its nice.
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.
Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when theres no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?
Mrs. Geller: Jack?
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Hi
Mr. Geller: Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this.
Mrs. Geller: Thanks for going along with this.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you werent sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Mrs. Geller: Youre not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary
Mrs. Geller: Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasnt it interesting, Jack?
Mrs. Geller: Ross, why dont you give us your toast now?
Mr. Geller: I just wish Nana were alive to hear Rosss toast.
Mrs. Geller: (crying) Oh Ross
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
[Scene: The Gym, Chandler and Mr. Geller are heading for the whirlpool room.]
Joey: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why dont you tell us a little something about you Ross?
Cashier: Do you uh, want these things delivered Mr. and Mrs. Geller?
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross comes out and hugs Mrs. Geller.]
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Am I interrupting?
Mrs. Geller: Just hear me out!
Mrs. Geller: Oh hi dear!
Mrs. Geller: This is your grandmothers engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
Mrs. Geller: I actually needed to talk to you before the birth.
Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
(Mrs. Geller leaves as Ross re-enters the room.)
Monica: Hi! Umm, Im Monica Geller, Im the chef at Alessandros.
Mrs. Geller: Just think about it. If you dont, Ill talk more about humping.
Mr. Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this? (Pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve.)
Mr. Geller: Wheres my granddaughter? Ive been practicing my magic tricks.
Monica: (entering with everyone else including Mr. Geller) Hi! Hey look whos here!
Mr. Geller: Come on!
Ross: (noticing something) Actually umm (He turns Mr. Gellers head to look at Emma.)
Mr. Geller: Oh, I dont think that. Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.
Mr. Geller: I think there are people in there having sex.
Mr. Geller: What?
Mr. Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa! I dont think so! Arent you ovulating?
Mr. Geller: Of course. Ill always be your dad.
Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! (Points to the closet) Ill guard the door!
Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, (To Chandler) and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor?
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was
[Scene: Rachels Room, Joey moves Rosss coat to get the tissues Rachel wants and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.]
[Scene: Ms. Geller, Rachel and Ross storm into the apartment.]
Ross: Oh Ross Geller
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
Rachel: (from bedroom) Oh, damn you Geller!
Chandler: This is okay. Were all adults here; theres nothing to be ashamed of. Now, lets put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.)
Ross: "... Sarah. I dig you", Uh? "Doctor Ross Geller".
Professor Spafford: Professor Geller?
Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. Im paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily gets up.) Im going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
Ross: Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller.
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
Woman: Doctor Geller, I'm such a huge fan!
Paleontologist: (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
Monica: Ok. Hold on. (her mobile phone rings) Geller here! No! I said it has to be there by 4 o'clock. Goodbye. (she hangs up) Oh, how hard it is to make an ice sculpture?
Joey: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.
Mr. Geller: (shaking her hand) So are you his mother or his father?
Rachel: You're fly is open, Geller!
Mrs. Geller: (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think hes stoned again.
Charlie: Ooh... Dr. Geller!
Charlie: Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller!
MR. GELLER: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. I'm just saying, it's right there.
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Benjamin: Certainly. Very well. And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday?
Benjamin: Dr. Geller...? Charlie... What are you... what are you doing here?
Mr. Geller: Are you kidding me, I could stay and look at her forever.
Mr. Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild.
Dr. Green: What are you doing here, Geller?
Ross: (recovers his composure and starts typing) Respectfully, professor R. Geller. (hits <return>, closes the laptop and joins Charlie on the sofa) Hey!
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Ross: And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.
Mrs. Geller: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, youve never been able to laugh at yourself.
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! Youve been Rosss best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now youve taken on Monica as well. Well, I dont know what to say. Youre a wonderful human being.
Ross: Okay. Okay. (To the nurse behind the desk.) Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. Im Ross Geller. We-we called from the car.
MR. GELLER: C'mon Rich, it's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Mr. Geller: Your make-up kit? Id feel better.
Mr. Geller: Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.
Mrs. Geller: (holding two pies) Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.
Rachel: (looking out the window) What's with the rain, Geller? I mean, when I signed up for Dino Week, nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
Charlie: I'm sorry... (introduces them to each other) Ross Geller... Benjamin Hobart.
Monica: (On phone) Hi, Nancy. Hi, it's Monica Geller. I'm good. Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa. Well yeah, my husband has been relocated...Because I love him! No, I don't want a job in New York. Javo (sp?) is looking? Oh my God! He asked for me personally? Oh my God! Oh, wow, this is really flattering, but I'm moving to Tulsa. Yeah, so if you would tell Javo (sp?) 'I'll take it!'
Mrs. Geller: (rubbing her temples) Thats alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you werent supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, Im sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. (Phoebe makes a sad face.) Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
Sherman Whitfield: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like theyre weirdos.]
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
Guy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Ross: (in his head) Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. (Looks back at his book.) Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokesUnless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I?
MR. GELLER: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Mr. Geller: Noted.
Mr. Geller: Wanna peek?
Mr. Geller: I understand completely, theres nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws. As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy I was unemployed, and her father asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a lawyer.
MRS. GELLER: Well, I was thinking, why doesn't he give Monica a call?
Mrs. Geller: I brought something that I want to give you, assuming of course that you want it. (She holds up an engagement ring.)
MR. GELLER: I know. He's like a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.
Mr. Geller: I dont know. They-they must be your mothers, but please, please dont ask her. Ill throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.