words in movies
Phoebe: Another lie. You have a sickness!
Joey: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche! {Transcribers note: Oh come on! Who would leave the keys to their Porsche behind? If I had a Porsche, Id have the keys surgically attached to my hand!} Hey Gunther, these yours?
Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Rosss, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.
Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I dont have a roommate.
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Chandler: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Chandler: You dont even have a car!
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Judge: Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly dont qualify for an annulment. If you two dont want to be together youll have to file for divorce.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Joey: Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didnt have the car! Right?
Monica: Joey, you know you dont actually have one.
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Monica: Youre right, youre right I shouldnt freak out. Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!
Rachel: Okay Ross, werewait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Phoebe: And you know, I have a massage client soon.
Joey: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.
Chandler: It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Rachel: I've never given her a cookie. Have you?
Rachel: You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her first cookie.
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Charlie: So, you know... I have a little time. If you... if you want to...
Amy: (yelling from outside) Rachel!! Open up!! It's your sister!! (she knocks on the door again) I have to talk to you!!
Amy: Well, I have huge news.
Monica: Well, you guys have been friends forever. Remember the first time that you kissed Ross? How weird that was? You couldn't stop laughing? You got through that.
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Monica: Look at that! Look at that! Theyre going into the first class lounge! Do you know what they have in there?
Ross: (entering) Hey is Rachel here? We have a doctors appointment.
Ross: (surprised) Oh... (he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers.
Amy: Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn't have been surprise, now would it?
Rachel: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes! (lays down cards) I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know what? (collects chips) I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. (holds up a chip) I think that one was Ross's, and I thinkohthat one was Ross's. Yes! (Starts singing): Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it...
Ross: Did she (points at Amy) do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her!
Amy: Hey you know what, this kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool fun aunt!
Nina: I dont know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.
Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
Phoebe: Thank you! (to Rachel) Oh, and I have something for you!
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
Joey: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine?
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet youre about to ruin the happiest day of his life. Im afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
Rachel: Well, it was, and you would have seen it if you didn't showed up at (looks at his watch) ... 9:30?? God! Oh, this party was lame ...
Phoebe: Hey, you know what, I've never had a one-year anniversary before, so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy pants, and... I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry and we're gonna have sex in a public rest room.
Ross: Wha...? Wait, wait, wait, just a minute. None of my questions have anything to do with Paleontology.
Mrs. Bing: Dont you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Chandler: Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt. I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something...
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Phoebe: Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it. Or maybe there is some place for her in your bedroom?
Ross: I have to break up with Charlie?
MNCA: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.
Benjamin: I never should have broken up with you. I think about you all the time. I mean, do you ever still think about me?
Ross: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
Chandler: (enters singing) Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plane, STOP IT! Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? 7 o clock maybe I'll hit the gym (sits down) who am I kidding pay-per-view porn.
Phoebe: It’s for our wedding day! Right, now, is this guy gay or straight, because one of us gonna have to start flirting.
Mike: She could have been talking about either one of us.
Rachel: (breaking up) Were just really very excited about this charity event that we have to go to.
Ross: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.
Laura: Oh! Well, actually, before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here...
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Monica: Now we just have to wait for a call and... and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh...
Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?
Julie: Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think were gonna have some fun.
Rachel: Okay, that's gonna take them a minute. Do you have anything else you wanna get off your chest?
Mischa: (to Monica) I have just resigned my post. Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I have diplomatic coupons.
Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I dont have too! It tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Rachel: Phoebe, you have to calm down.
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
[Scene: The corridor. Ross and Joey have just arrived.]
Joey: Wait a second, wait a second, where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before...
Ross: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, and you, you ah, dont have to sell those cookies anymore.
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
Rachel: (gasps) Oh, I just remembered. We do have something to eat. Monica put something in our oven this morning.
Monica: Oh! Enough! A monkey could have made 'em!
Monica: Oh, well. Now that I'm here I might as well help you with the cleaning and organizing! Just happen to have my label maker!
Joey: Yeah! You three have a nice Thanksgiving.
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!
Phoebe: I know. Have you considered pageanting?
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!
Ross: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool!
Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the � manipulative shrew.
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Erica: We’re great, I think I may have asked all my questions.
Erica: Actually, I don’t think we have to.
Monica: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Monica: (sniffing) Maybe she will. Uh! Why couldn't I have been a Reverend?
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
Joey: Oh, all right, I'll just have what she's having instead.
Monica: Come on! Tests make us all better learners! Oh yeah! (Running out) We should have essay questions!!
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! Youre at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Phoebe: (running up carrying a tree) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, you dont want that one. No, you can have this cool brown one. (points to the almost dead tree she has)
Chandler: Okay! (They kiss) So, what do you girls have planned for tonight?
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Phoebe: Why do you have a realtor?
Ross: Yeah, I mean, if you moved there, you have to leave here. I mean, how can you leave this place?
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head inside a turkey's ass!
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
Rachel: Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision.