words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in.
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once hes lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that hes thinking correctly...)
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
Nina: (Taking her hand away) What?
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)
Fran: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.
Jamie: It looks like her.
Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn.
Jamie: Definitely her.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Rachel: Are you seein her again tonight?
Joey: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyre not there.)
Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross youre not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean youd think the damn jalepeno wouldve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! Thats not enough (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
(Phoebe gives her a meaningful look)
Phoebe: No (tucks it in her pants)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee.]
[Scene: Rachels Room, she is taking the ring out of Rosss jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Yeah! And she's comforted by him because she loves her uncle Joey so much.
Manny: I've heard the speech: (in a mocking voice) "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... "
Ross: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.
Rachel: Joey relax! My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there!
Mike: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...
Monica: Fine. (Brenda comes in to use the bathroom and adjusts her pink bra strap on the way.) Shes wearing my bra!
Rachel: I'm hoping that if she hears it enough it will be her first word.
Rachel: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)
Monica: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her?
Ross: (trying to stop her) Hey, hey!!
Rachel: Oh, if she jumps, I get her tickets.
Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
Monica: Money! (they all look at her) Friends...
Ross: oh no yeah, no Phoebe is great, but umm I'm an idiot look right before you guys went out I accidentally got her all upset.
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
Monica: (she draws out a ticket from a pocket of her pants) 131! (they kiss)
Rachel: Hi mum, put her back on!
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
(Rachel comes out of her room and starts staring at him unseen)
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!
Mr. Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this? (Pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve.)
Rachel: Hey Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?
Phoebe: He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." (They stare at her, dumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?
Joey/Drake: Tell me to stop, just...tell me to stop. (he's about to kiss her)
(Monica covers her face with her hands)
<Amy starts spitting on Rachel's hand and Rachel is saying ew and pushes her away>
Rachel: Oh screw her, that part is mine!
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
(Kathys co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandlers mouth is on the floor.)
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
[Scene: Phoebe is in central-perk with Joey telling him what Ross said t her at the beginning.]
Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
Joey: (looks at her for a moment) What the hell are you talking about??
Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, Im not fine, Im not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if were friends who dont see other people?
Chandler: If they cant find a home for her, they kill her! And Im not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Mike: Oh, thank God. (he laughs nervously, and Phoebe gets her keychain from her bag.)
Charlie: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment)
Phoebe: Okay. Wait, do you know how youre going to stall her?
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)
Rachel: Sure! (Monica takes her apart) Oh...
Rachel: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better! (she closes her robe)
[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]
Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?
Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and (apes Janice's voice) "Oh My God"!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a magazine.]
Ross: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her.
Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)
Joey: No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Ross: What? Oh yeah. (He moves next to her head.) Im sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I (Wanders towards Rachels feet) reallyI should have been thinking about you Rach
(Janice does her "Janice Laugh")
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Rachel: You know I... (lifts her head and tries to look in Phoebe's direction)
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Throws some in her bag and she walks away as Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl walks up and eyes Monica who eyes her back.)
[She goes into her apartment and slams the door.]
Rachel: (now lifts her head) Phoebe!!
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! (They all leave and close the door on Monica.) Ohhh! (Throws her notepad down in disgust.)
Charlie: (while Joey's giving her a massage) Oh! That feels sooo good!
(Her cell phone rings.)
Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I cant decide between the two of them. Yknow the one from Poughkeepsie, even though shes a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Yknow shes, well shes-shes just as pretty, I guess shes smart, shes not fun.
Phoebe: (sticks her head out) I didn't say anything yet!
Stranger: Just be honest with her.
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
Monica: Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Chandler: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in)
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica and Chandler are returning and Monica finds her basket is empty.]
(Everyone looks at her)
Monica: (pinching her) Let's get you out of here!! (they go outside)
David: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Chandler: Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?
Rachel: Im fine! Im fine! Im just losing a tooth, its no big deal. I have a dentist! Yknow. Im gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me. (She goes over to the ice and Joey and Monica follow her.) What do I do now? What do I do now?
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
(they just look at her for a moment; then they go back to checking the tickets)
Joey: You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it? (tickles her a little)
Rachel: Joey! (she walks away; Joey goes after her teasing and tickling her)
David: I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.
(Monica rolls her eyes)