words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in.
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once hes lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that hes thinking correctly...)
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
Nina: (Taking her hand away) What?
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)
Fran: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.
Jamie: It looks like her.
Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn.
Jamie: Definitely her.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Rachel: Are you seein her again tonight?
Joey: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyre not there.)
Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
Richard: (standing behind her, without his moustache) I can help with that.
Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Im asking you first, right?!. I mean Im playing by the rules.
Phoebe: Yeah, I should probably take it back. Ooh, but you know what? While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists because my friend Fritzy has been like number 11 forever, so this could be her year! (She crosses her fingers in hope.)
Chandler: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! (Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the right letters.
Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you .
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)
Rachel: (running in from her bedroom, wearing only a towel) Okay. Hey. Umm. Does everybody hate these shoes?
Pete: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. (Monica enters) Hi.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a fruit drink in the blender, Rachel has just finished her shower and is coming out of the bathroom.]
Rachel: Petty... (goes into her room)
Ross: Oh yeah, shes-shes amazing. And-and shes so much fun. And! Yknow what? When Im with her, Im fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) Shes leaving in two days, I dont have to do it.
Chandler: You still can't stand her can you?
Ross: Its just I miss her so much.
Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So thats dumb what I said, dont tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here.
Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating em! (chases after her.)
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, Oh, Im so talented. and Oh, Im so pretty, and Ooh, I smell so good.
Ross: Well, Rachel moving to another country? Not being able to see her every day. How can I be okay with this?
Joey: Oh, yeah?! Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff huh?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Monica: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?
Monica: Wow, youre really crazy about her, huh?
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Joey: I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but
Joey: (looks at her, shocked) What?!
(Sergei goes up to her at her door and says something.)
Ross: Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend shaking up. Oh, thats great. Thats great. (Kisses and hugs her.)
[Scene: Rachels office, Joannas telling Rachel, her side of the story.]
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Ross: (stops her) Wait uh, listen. I-I, I have to tell you something. Umm, Ive been thinking, Im just gonna come out and say it. Okay? I-I-I ah, I-I think I love you.
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Joey: Maybe he could slip her the tongue.
Rachel: Ohh, gee. I wonder why she thinks youre going to call her?
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Rachel: Well then youre going to have to take her out again.
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Rachel: (whispering) Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey stares at a picture of a bay on the wall. Janine comes out of her room.]
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay, here you go. (rolls her back to Rachel)
Pete: Well... (he holds up a gift he brought her)
(Monica hugs her goes and hugs her)
(Monica is looking on with a hurt expression on her face.)
Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Phoebe: Absolutely, oh I promise. Tell her what?
Pete: Listen, can you promise me that you wont tell her though?
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Chandler: Ill take her back tomorrow.
(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)
[Scene: Rachels Bedroom, Ross is finishing up her make-up.]
Frank: Its so cool man, its so, its just cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
Rachel: Okay, I need a date! (runs to her bedroom)
Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
Monica: (covers her neck) Oh God! (runs to the bathroom)
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
Kate: And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this raw, animal....
Phoebe: Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon? (She places her hand over his "fire" and mimics a bursting water balloon, thus putting the fire out).
Mr. Waltham: I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from Londonwell Shropshire really but yknowwell shes about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if youd like to keep her company this evening?
Monica: All right then. (He leans in to kiss her goodnight, but she quickly kisses him on the cheek and pats his shoulder.) Bye.
Joey: (surprised its Lauren) (hugs her) (whispering) Wheres Kate?
Phoebe: Okay, (starts to pack up her stuff) fine. Come dinosaur, were not welcome in the house of no imagination.
Phoebe: Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are helping Monica learn how to roller skate by rolling her between themselves.]
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking with her second date, Jason.]
Joey: Shes mad because I know todays her laundry day and that means shes wearing her old lady underpants.
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dads cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her bedroom.]
Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didnt you?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.]
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, shes in her car driving back from the city)
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Jason: (going up to her) Hey. I was
Joey: (opening the door wearing nothing but a sock, and holding a dart board over the `Little General.') Hey! (Chandler turns down the TV) Now, we're not actually gonna be sleeping in her, but do you mind?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Sandy: Her name is Deliah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is trying to find out what Phoebe wont tell her.]
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Rachel: Okay, you are going to tell her and youre going to tell her now. (She grabs his nipple and starts to twist it.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
Pete: Monica! (runs over and kisses her) Hi honey.
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
(They all applaud her.)
Ross: She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
MONICA: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there.
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
(Rachel is shocked, and holds her arms out in disbelief.)
Joeys Grandmother: Of course! Its her favorite.
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.)
Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.
Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers her, her hand to comfort her.)