words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in.
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once hes lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that hes thinking correctly...)
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
Nina: (Taking her hand away) What?
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)
Fran: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.
Jamie: It looks like her.
Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn.
Jamie: Definitely her.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Rachel: Are you seein her again tonight?
Joey: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyre not there.)
Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Phoebe: Okay, what about after I give you these candies? (Hands them each one from her purse.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is playing with Emma on the couch after just changing her diaper.]
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
Ross: Ive got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part.
Monica: I wont care, because I know you will be feeling it all in here. (Points to her heart.)
Chandler: Thats right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind.
Chandler: Im gonna do it tomorrow yknow, and-and surprise her, but now youve ruined it!
Phoebe: Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that youre scared of commitment! Convince her that youre a little coward!
Elizabeth: (sticking her head out her window) Ross! Wait!
Paul: Diet Coke. (Hands her the glass.)
Monica: On three, 1 2 3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
ROSS: Would you look at that guy, I mean how long has he been talking to her. It's like, back off buddy she's a waitress not a geisha.
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait abut-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Joey: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!
Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. (The woman calls her bluff.) (Screaming at no one in particular) Backup! Backup!!
Phoebe: Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at the restaurant (she dons a top hat) uh, huh wait! (she raises a pair of spectacles to her eyes) Right? I mean, this might even class up the ballad of the uncircumcised man.
(She turns her head away and when shes not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, Im not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.)
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, Ill grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
Rachel: Fine! Im sorry for your loss! (Hands it back to her.)
Richard: Its okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh.
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman Ive ever known in real life.
Chandler: Nothing happened? Nothing? So you didnt tell my girlfriend that you love her?
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Chandler: And what does she have to think about? I love her!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-IHey! I did not go out with your wife! (The same woman from before enters.) Okay? I went out with her! (Points at her.)
Monica: Well, her father pays you for baby-sitting right?
Chandler: Well why didnt you stop her?! Why didnt you just tell her it was a plan?!
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Rachel: Ross, you guys went out once. You took your kids to Chucky Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.
Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
Phoebe: Oh no, let her stay out there. Its sweet.
Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) Im engaged!!!!!! Im engaged!!!!
Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, yknow what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had bonus night!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the living room and Phoebe is in her room.]
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And thats every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again
Monica: No-no, I-I really dont want to talk about it! I dont! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.)
Rachel: (gasps) Oh, he brought her back to his apartment.
Ross: Okay. Sure. (Sits down on her bed.)
Monica: I cant believe her, yknow its justits so typical.
Monica: I know, what about Rachel? I mean how are we even gonna ask her?
Chandler: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I dont care!
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
Phoebe: No-no, thats not, thats not me Phoebe, thats her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. (she looks around) It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.
[Time lapse, inside the store, Monica is frantically looking for her dress.]
Chandler: (pushing her away from another hug) Next time?
Monica: (entering from her room) Oww!
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
Joey: Yeah, shes been out there for twenty minutes, Im surprised you didnt hear her on the way over.
(She walks into her bedroom.)
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Dont crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, its perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) Im sorry, this ones taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.]
(Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
Mrs. Geller: You tell her Jack, I cant do it.
PHOEBE: Yeah? Are you sure, really. [She picks up a mirror and sees the white splotches all over her face.]
(They both kiss, and Richard picks her up and goes over to the bed and starts to lie down.)
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.)
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
(Rachel walks away, pleased with her self.)
Rachel: (entering) Hey! (Sees Monica, gasps, and runs over to her.) Oh my God youre here, let me see your hand!!
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
[Scene: The playground. Ross, Rachel and Emma are still there. Rachel comes walking to Ross and Emma with something between her hands.]
Monica: What was her name?
Rachel: What? Did her ass explode?!
Joey: I'll treat you real nice. (Pulls out a chair for her.)
Monica: NOW!!!!!!!! (Rachel runs off and Monica gets up to follow her.)
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Ross: And; people thinking its huge has led Monica to believe that we are stealing her thunder. (To Monica) Which we are not!
(Joey walks out, while Rachel is pensive. Once he's out of her room, he suddenly realizes who she was talking about and goes back in. He looks at her in disbelief and she looks like she was caught red-handed)
Ross: (To Chandler) You told her!
(Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.)
Ross: (To Chandler) How could you tell her?!
Tag: Right. So I guess I shouldnt put good at noticing stuff on my resume. (Sets the plant down on her desk.)
Phoebe: (entering from her room) Hey, did she buy it?
Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?
Rachel: Tag? (He turns and looks at her.) Hi, who was that?
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Ross: Great! Im across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Phoebe: I dont know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other
Monica: No! You are not gonna run out and leave her here!
Emily: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
Ross: Its right there! (Points to her hand.)
Monica: (running in from her bedroom) Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! (opens the door) Hi, Tim.
Phoebe: Well look-look, okay Ross, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her.
Phoebe: Youre still gonna go out with her?!
Phoebe: You see? Nothing is good enough for her!
Tag: (To her, in the Joey voice) How you doin?
Chandler: Whend you meet her?
Ross: Yes-yes-yes! But, I-I do not love her.
Rachel: Hi! (He hands her, her mail) Thanks, hey so uh whatd you do last night?
Joey: Ah, Im-Im walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) Im about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now Im at the front with Ross. Its Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...Id better go.