words in movies
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
Ross: (to Joey) So? What do you think? (Shows himself - Joey observes him with a strange look on his face.)
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
JOEY: No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.
[Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.]
Joey: Okay. (He grabs a jelly donut, takes a bite, and guess what he spills all over himself. He tries to clean it up and smears it all over the shirt.)
Phoebe: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.
[Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.]
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) Im an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and Id be out and shed, shed see some beautiful woman, and, and shed be Ross y'know look at her, and Id think, God, my wife is cool!
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Ross: (to himself) Not nice enough.
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
[Scene: Rosss Bedroom, Ross is waking up. He straightens himself out on the bed and puts the covers over his head.]
(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)
(Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror)
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)
Ross: (to himself) Good for a scrud.
Joey: (to himself) And I ate the food, I had the fish, it was good, yeah. It was good, yeah...
[Scene: A strip club, the girls are there with Chandler, who isnt enjoying himself.]
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back for himself.]
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
Chandler: Ahhhhh! (walks out, imitating shooting himself in the head)
[Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.]
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Ross: (barely containing himself at this point) Well, you have fun tonight.
Mr. Zelner: Here let me (He goes to wipe it off himself.)
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
Ross: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? (Imitating himself) Help! Help!
(Joey gets all happy with himself, while the rest of the gang is less than enthused.)
Phoebe: Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
Ross: You'll see. Okay. (Readies himself.) Oh, what's-what's her name?
Joey: All right, look Im sorry you guys, but its just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And theyre really expensive, yknow? Im down to like three! Well, actually two cause one of em I kinda blackened in some teethWhy did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
[Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.]
Chandler: Okay. (He walks away disgusted with himself.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
[Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.]
Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, were making out. You know.
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Paul: Chicken? (Pointing to himself.) Chicken boy!
Joey: Ahh, yes. (Pushes Rachel in front of himself so that she could do the talking.)
Chandler: Get in here! (They head for the door and Chandler sees Smokes-A-Lot Lady standing next to the door and smoking, to her) Hey, and you can not smoke in here! (Takes the cigarette and takes a drag for himself.) (Exhaling in ecstasy) Merry Christmas.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
Joey: A couple? Like two people? Like (points to himself) one (points to Phoebe), two people?
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: (raises his hand) Some guy!! (Points to himself.)
Joey: Well I can promise you, at least one person will be crying. (Points to himself) Im an actor, and any actor worth himself can cry on cue. (snaps fingers)
Joey: (raises his hand and points to himself again) Ken Adams!!
Phoebe: Yes you can! Sting says so himself!
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Ross: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!
Phoebe: Although he does play with himself in his sleep.
Phoebe: I am shocked! Shocked!! (She storms off leaving Ross to defend himself from the angry looks from onlookers.)
Joey: (walks up) Uh, shes with me. (Introduces himself) Dr. Drake Remoray.
[as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat from behind and puts it on himself]
Joey: Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)
Chandler: everything's great, just watching some regular television there, what a pleasant surprise. (She hugs him, and she knows what he was doing so she looks at the TV and sees sharks swimming around thinking Chandler was giving himself a treat to sharks.)
Joey: (to himself) That's the fastest I have ever thought!
Joey: (To himself) I am on fire!
Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!!
Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people?
Joey: 18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his "How You Doin'" line) Ross: Joey, NO!
Joey: (pointing at himself) Celebrity.
Laura: Is he alright out there by himself?
Joey: (looking at himself) Man, I've got food all over me.
Joey: (More to himself than anyone else) So stupid, ordering cheesecake, trying to be healthy. (pushes it aside)
Ross: (looks disappointed in himself) Man... I... I'm sorry.
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
Joey: (sounding very proud of himself) Some of the words are a little too sophisticated for ya?
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
Chandler: (smiling to himself too) That's what I was doing too.
Joey: Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" or er.. "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!" Huh!
Joey: (pointing at himself) Growth!
Chandler: He said...he said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself! Without any outside help whatsoever.
Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)
Chandler: (getting in) Okay, something to cover the smell � Oven cleaner! (sprays himself, reads label) Unscented!
Chandler: She's right! If I were a guy and... (stops himself mid-sentence...everyone stares at him) Did I just say if I were a guy..?
Ross: (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the audition.)
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
Ross: (smiling to himself) Good. I'm just getting some coffee. So I'm alert for the wedding.
Ross: Shh! (Laughs then composes himself) Of course, why dont we go inside?
Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room! Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!
(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
Chandler: (resigning himself to his fate) Chandler. (He quickly sits down.)
Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it in the lake.