words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)
Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful.]
(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, that he stops eating.)
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
(The man gives up, shaking his head.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)
Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she fends him off.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various angles, then...)
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
Ross: Look, I (He has trouble sitting in his chair.) Look, Im having a great time with you and I just dont want us to move to fast or put to much pressure on us. So, Im sorry I just dont think we should go away together yet. Its-its too soon.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
CHANDLER: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]
Tag: (handing his to her) This ones from me.
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
(Ross keeps giggling and Rachel decides upon revenge. She gets up and kisses the rather large man in the seat in front of Ross on the back of his head. The guy turns around angrily.)
Joey: (crying) Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! (He buries his head in Rosss shoulder.)
(She serves to Doug who returns it to Chandler. As it bounces over his head Chandler swings and misses.)
Phoebe: Ohh, he left his cell phone.
Rachel: (showing Phoebe her phone) His new girlfriend!
Rachel: (looking at the speed dial) Oh, I win! Hes got Barneys on his speed dial.
(Ross smiles and holds up his hand for a high-five, but he has forgotten about his burnt hands. He gasps in pain as Joey grabs his hand.)
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (He puts his hands on her face and they kiss.)
Rachel: Awww, just like his daddy.
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
(Joey nods his approval.)
Monica: No! We only mess around at his place!
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
Rachel: (looking at his mark) Yes.
Joey: (sticking his head out the door) What are you guys woofing about?
Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)
[Scene: Earls Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! (Holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his ordination.)
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And thats Chandler.
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed...
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is helping Joey with his tie.]
Chandler: Oh totally! (Holds up his finger.) Pull my finger.
Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What?
Joey: (opening his door) If I cant have it you cant have it! (Rachel walks away angrily.)
(He goes into his room and closes the door. Rachel goes to pick it up and )
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?
Ross: Okay lets put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Mike: So...? What do you think? (looks at his parents, which look in disgust)
Chandler: (with his mouthful) Oh-oi-ho, yeah!
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
(He goes into his room to try them on and closes the door.)
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down, Rachel pretends shes knocking a bug off his leg.)
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Joey: (checks his watch) Damn! (runs out to work)
Chandler: (watching in her) (in his head) Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! Whats wrong with me? Ooh, dont open that door.
(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.)
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
{Transcribers Note: She puts the key into the ignition, which is on the left side of the steering wheel. Does anyone know why that is? Its a tradition left over from Porsches racing history. The worlds greatest endurance race is the 24 Hours of LeMans. Which is in France and runs for 24 hours straight from noon on Saturday through the dark of night and finishes at noon on Sunday. In the 60s LeMans had a unique start where the drivers would actually start the race outside of the car and across the track. At the start of the race, the drivers would run across the track, get in the car, buckle up, start the car, and drive off. Porsche wanted to reduce the amount of time that took. Since all cars to that point had the ignition switches on the right side of the steering wheel, that required the drivers to use their right hand to grab the seat-belts, put the car in gear and start it. The drivers left hand did nothing. Porsche in order to save a few seconds in a 24-hour race; moved the ignition switches to the left side of the steering wheel so that the driver could start the car with his left hand while grabbing the seat-belts with his right hand. Thats why every Porsche car built since then has the ignition on the left side of the steering wheel.}
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
[Cut to later in that episode. Ross is showing his boss his new place and notices something in the window.]
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Phoebe: And! Yknow what Jake says? That womens underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Ross: (yelling, thinking Emily can hear him through the answering machine all the way to New York.) I love you too! Im, Im gonna call you right now from the phone booth! (Realises) You cant hear me. (Goes to make his call.)
Rachel: Oh come on Ross!! (She tries to switch places with him and goes under his leg.)
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
Julie: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
BEST MAN: (standing up) Yo! Can I have your attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Thank you. (clears throat, and starts reading his toast) I remember when Barry got home from his first date with Rachel...
Joey: Yeah! Me too. (He pats his pocket.)
Joey: (wiping his face) What?!
(Joey wipes his eye.)
Monica: But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe I'll join them some time. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the moustache off his face.
Mr. Geller: of course you can kick his ass son.
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
Ross: No, hey-hey, come on, (He grabs Ben and sits him on his lap) Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're his favorite little guy!
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
Joey: (climbing down from his chair) Do you uh, do youready for a refill?
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
(Ross walks down the aisle with Phoebe and Rachel on his arms.)
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)
Ross: Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
Joey: (Pause) Sorry. (Raises his hand in shame.)
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch writing when Chandler enters to make his brief cameo.]
Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.)
Ross: No-no! Ill-Ill (He takes too much and some falls out of his mouth, which starts him laughing.)
(Matt grabs his plate and takes some of whats on Rosss plate.)
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Chandler: All right, rock on. (Does the Hang 10 sign, then hides his face in shame.)
(She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.)
Rachel: Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a (Does the same gibberish word from before.)
Rachel: Well then you have his baby.
Phoebe: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...
Joey: No-no, I don't really have any money. Not yet, anyway (Shakes his hands.)
Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sisters teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts his pants on backwards.) This isnt right.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
Ross: (shows Tag his sweater tag) Umm, I dont some Italian guy. Come on, read your own label. See you later.