words in movies
Part I Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Part II Written by: Greg Malins & Scott Silveri Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Rachel: No! No! It's just that all the people in the entire world that I want to talk to are right here.
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, uh can you do me a favor? I forgot the pin number to my ATM card can, can you get it for me?
Joey: Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person.
Joey: Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on?
Chandler: No-no-no-no, I've supported you one hundred percent and I want to prove that to you in person!
Joey: I got that! I forgive ya! Don't come out here!
Monica: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Monica: The strange part was, he was really nice, umm and he looks great, but I didn't feel anything at all!
Monica: Because it would totally freak him out and tomorrow's our anniversary. I just don't want anything to spoil that.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you guys lasted a whole year!
Monica: I know.
Phoebe: Wow! I owe Rachel 20 bucks!
Chandler: I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler.
Monica: I got you a present!
Monica: I know, but you have to open it today! (Hands it too him.)
Chandler: Yeah, I think we should see other people.
Rachel: Well, I guess I could take a couple days off work.
Rachel: Oh no, wait a minute, wait, I've got a presentation tomorrow. I can't miss that.
Chandler: I said art lover.
Chandler: I don't know, I'm very tired.
Ross: So Rach, maybe you and I could fly out together Saturday.
Rachel: No! So I can be by myself. Y'know? Have a little alone time.
Rachel: No! Phoebe just because I'm alone doesnt mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.
Phoebe: Okay, what about after I give you these candies? (Hands them each one from her purse.)
Chandler: Yeah, I guess it's a little better now.
Monica: Aww! I love you!
Chandler: Can I give you a present now?
Chandler: Okay! (He grabs his carryon and starts rummaging through it.) Oh man! Dont tell me I did this!
Monica: I love the "I forgot the present" fake out!
Chandler: How do you feel about the, "I really did forgot the present, please forgive me" not fake out?
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Ross: (in his head) Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. (Looks back at his book.) Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokesUnless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I?
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
Ross: May I come in?
Ross: So do I. (Slowly walks in.) Okay Rach, before anything happens (He takes off his coat) I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. (Turns back to face her.) This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." (Rachel's confused) Okay? I just want this to be (Kicks off his left shoe) about what it is! (Kicks off the other one.)
Rachel: Noo!! No! You thought, you actually thought I wanted to have sex with you?!
Rachel: Ohh wow! Im sorry, but Ross you kicked off your shoes!
Ross: All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack. (Starts to leave)
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Joey: What-what are you guys doing here? I thought I told you not to come.
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Monica: I knew you were not okay with that.
Monica: You're right. I'm sorry. I should've told you.
Phoebe: I love Vegas!
Monica: I promise you, next time I will absolutely tell you.
Monica: I can not see him? I mean, you can't tell me what to do!
Chandler: That's so funny, because I think I just did!
Monica: Oh y'know what? If you're gonna be acting like this all night, I really, I don't even want to be around you.
Joey: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! (Walks away.)
Rachel: No, not really. I mean you've seen me naked hundreds of times.
Rachel: Okay. All right, that's true! But y'know I just don't embarrass that easily.
Rachel: No, I don't! Ross, I think I'm just a more secure person than you are.
Ross: (loudly so that everyone can hear) Hey lady! I don't care how much you want it! Okay?! I am not gonna to have sex with you in the bathroom! (Rachel sinks lower on her chair trying to hide.)
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Joey: Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again!
Joey: Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through!
Chandler: I see.
Monica: I can't believe this! This is like the worst night ever!
Phoebe: Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. (Monica turns and stares at her.) I am so sorry.
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
Rachel: Ross! What are you I'm sorry sir. I just, I think he just really likes you.
The Flight Attendant: Miss? May I help you?
Joey: (to the dealer) Can I change a hundred? (He hands him his chip.)
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Joey: Dont you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Joey: Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands!
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?
Chandler: No! No! I support you 100%! I just didn't, I didn't get it right away. Y'know now I'm caught up! Identical hand twins! It's a million-dollar idea!
Joey: I found my identical hand twin!
Phoebe: I wonder where she is. That is so weird.
Phoebe: Good. (After he leaves, she puts on Joey's gladiator helmet and checks herself out in the mirror) I should really start wearing hats!
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Chandler is looking for Monica while Tom Jones's signature song is playing in the background (Getting the theme yet? Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, casinos They're in Vegas people! Catch up!) It's Not Unusual, y'know, "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual to have fun with anyone! But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry! I wanna die." Well, while that's playing he spots Monica playing craps and in victory hug the guy next to her. Chandler turns and walks out.]
Rachel: Yes, I did. Thank you very much, it was excellent. (Disembarks)
Ross: I think the check in is that way. (Points)
Rachel: What are you talking about Pheebs? (Takes out her compact) I don't (She gasps when she looks in the mirror and sees her face.) (To Ross) Oh my God, you drew on me?!
Rachel: Ross, I have been walking around like this since the plane! I canyou have so crossed a line. (Heads for the bathroom)
Phoebe: That's like the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing.
Rachel: No, actually I took it off then I drew it back on.
Ross: Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie.
Joey: No, don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin!
Monica: All right baby, come on! (Rolls the dice) Yes! Yes! I am on fire!
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Chandler: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.
The Woman Dealer: I don't know about the hands, but the guy that was here before me just went to the bathroom.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Rachel: Ross, no! There is no way I am leaving this room looking like this!
Rachel: Ross, I am a human doodle!!
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
Rachel: Okay, I need a, I need a drink! (Makes a beeline for the mini-bar.)
Monica: Yeah, I couldn't be mad at him for too long.
Phoebe: I know. Use it.
Joey's Hand Twin: Do I know you?
Joey: Look, you and I have been given a gift. Okay? We have to do something with it. Like-like, hand modeling! Huh? Or-or magic! And you know NASA's gonna wanna talk to us!
Joey's Hand Twin: (tries to leave) I have to get back to
Joey: (stopping him) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! (Singing, to the tune of This Land is Your Land) This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!
Rachel: I bet 20.
Monica: That's right baby! Okay, what do I want now?
Monica: Okay, good! Okay, what do I want now?
Chandler: (sees the roll) Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!
Monica: Oh, that's because I had lunch with RichMe neither! Okay, what do I want now?
Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.
Chandler: Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Monica: I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Monica: I think so too.
(Cue up the music as they move in and kiss. This time I think it's Perry Como, but I'm not sure. It's Everybody loves somebody, sometime! Everybody falls in love somehow! Something in your kiss, just told me, my sometime, is now!)
The Lurker: I don't want to see you lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair!
Phoebe: Yeah, from now on everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk first! You move on to someone else, I'm gonna be one step ahead of you, every single time! And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day 'til Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave?
Rachel: Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. (Gets up but stumbles a little bit.) Whup, okay. (She makes it to the phone and picks it up, without dialing.) Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial!
Ross: Ohh, it's Joey! I love Joey! (Hugs him.)
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Joey: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!
Ross: I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I I really miss downstairs.
Phoebe: I won! I won! I finally won!
The Lurker: I won! That was my quarter!
Phoebe: No! No, you can't arrest me! No!! I won't go back! I won't go back to that hell hole!!
Monica: Okay, come on, I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
Monica: You're so efficient. I love you!
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
Chandler: I don't think so.
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Joey: No-no, I don't really have any money. Not yet, anyway (Shakes his hands.)
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
Phoebe: Oh my God! May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands! They're identical! Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
Joey: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?
Joey's Hand Twin: (To Joey) If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it too you!
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Didn't I just throw you out of here?
Monica: Okay, okay... Okay, I feel a little better.
Phoebe: Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.
Phoebe: I know! (points at herself) Evil! And... and... and... I like Mike so much, you know. It's just going really well. Oh my God!
Rachel: I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know ONE thing about me.
Rachel: I know!
Rachel: Shh.. Go back to sleep. I have to go home.
Chandler: Next time, can I say breathe?
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
Erica: I don't know. Maybe church-camp?
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica thats as good as garbage?
Phoebe: I did not see that coming.
Joey: Uh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.
Ross: I know, it's pretty great.
Ross: Oh, I.. I don't know. We didn't really get to talk.
Ross: Wow, I hadn't thought of that. I hope not.
Joey: I bet you did!
Ross: I know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
Monica: I dont believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Chandler: I know. He has your eyes.
Chandler: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.
Rachel: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...
Monica: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Chandler: Interesting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
Amy: um... listen, I couldn't help but overhear... 'cause I was trying to... Listen, let me do this alright? I really wanna help you guys out, and plus Rachel's been so wonderful to me... (looks at hem pleadingly)
Monica: Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
Rachel: Hi! So I just dropped Emma off at my mom's.
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Chandler: We don’t. Not until it's a hundred percent. I mean, why upset everybody over nothing.
Gunther: I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.
Gunther: I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you.
Monica: Oh, well, I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a rap song.
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
Joey: Im sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Joey: Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, sometimes...
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!
Phoebe: (Looks around) It's alright. Look kiddo, I gotta go. Good luck with the career. You're gonna be huge.
Chandler: Well, I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.
Mike: (To Phoebe) I want one.
Ross: Neither will I.
Monica: I love you.
Chandler: I love you.
Rachel: I just want you to know.. Last night.. I'll never forget it.
Rachel: I will. Ross, come here.
Ross: I don't! I wanna be with her.
Phoebe: I - I don't take passengers.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Nina: I dont know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.
Man: Alright, I gotta report you. What's your medallion number?
Ross: Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
Monica: Oh God! What did I just step on?
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe.
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, hes sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
Chandler: I know! It's.. It's the foosball table.
Rachel: Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it?
Rachel: (as Ross enters with a present) But, but, Mona, I live here.
Rachel: Oh, shoot. I had it. Oh, I can't believe this.
Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
Ross: Hey, I need a ticket.
Phoebe: I'm so lucky I married you.
Ross: Fine, two tickets, I need two tickets.
Rachel: Hah! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Charlie: (to Joey) I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
Ross: Okay, flight 421 to Paris. I don't see it, do you see it?
Ross: Yes, that's what I have. It's not on the board.
Chandler: I understand.
Joey: I need to say goodbye to the table first.
Chandler: Well, I can't do it either.
Ross: I am not doing this over the phone.
Joey: Okay, here we go. I can't do it.
Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left Philange.
Rachel: Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
Passenger #1: Well, I can't take this plane now.
Rachel: This is ridiculous! I...
Rachel: Could I get some peanuts?
Rachel: But I already told Zelner that I would come back...
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
Joey: Probably not. Nah. I don't know how much I'm gonna wanna play after you go.
Joey: I could get a goose!
Ross: No, no, I just have to talk to someone.
Phoebe: I don't see her.
Chandler: I think there may be another reason. So, awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake?
Ross: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.
Mr Zelner: Uh... What can I do for you?
Sandy: Well, I guess we know who's gonna be the Grumpus... (Ross goes to the kitchen)
Ross: I know, I know. I shouldn't have waited 'till now to say it, but I'm.. That was stupid, okay? I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane.
Ross: I really thought she'd stay.
Rachel: Yes, I do.
Rachel: They're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Ross: Hey, hey. I know you love me. I know you do.
Rachel: I - I have to get on the plane.
Phoebe: Yeah, I can see where Id be your best shot but, no. Im sorry, but I think its twisted.
Monica: I know.