words in movies
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
MONICA: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna do then?
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
ROSS: I don't know. What's in this pie?
MONICA: Uh, I don't know, butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi--
ROSS: Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought it was a key lime pie.
MONICA: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.
ROSS: I don't think tho.
JOEY: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?
CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
PHOEBE: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.
TERRY: Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see ya for a minute?
TERRY: F.Y.I.. I've decided to pay a professional musician to play in here on Sunday afternoons. Her name is Stephanie... something. She's supposed to be very good.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this to her.
RACHEL: Oh, no no no no. Oh no no no no. I have to do this to her?
CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
CAROLINE: I assume we're talking about the baby now.
CAROLINE: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CAROLINE: I think it's great you guys are doing this.
PHOEBE: But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.
RACHEL: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why don't you just let her go on after Stephanie whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you anything.
TERRY: I, I don't know.
RACHEL: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it.
PHOEBE: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna get?
RACHEL: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman beause she's a professional.
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
DOCTOR: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction.
MONICA: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please? My brother has a slight phobia about needles.
ROSS: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! Hey! I got my s's back! Which we can celebrate later. Celebrate.
CHANDLER: (on pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be a very stupid charact er.
PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
RACHEL: Here. I thought you might be cold.
PHOEBE: Eight dollars and 27 cents. But not really, 'cause I put in the first two, just to, you know, get the ball rolling, and to make myself feel better.
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
RACHEL: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.
KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.
KID: Thanks a lot. Hey Christine, I got it!
ROSS: I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your hand.
MONICA: That's ok. I'm sorry I poisoned you.
ROSS: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?
MONICA: Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the Silvian's pumpkin?
ROSS: Oh, man. Oh, remember when I stuck that broom in your bike spokes, and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb?
MONICA: No. But I remember people telling me about it.
ROSS: I hope Ben has a little sister.
MONICA: Yeah. I hope she can kick his ass.
ROSS: I'm gonna get a new band-aid. Hey, how 'bout the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?
ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Ross: Well, we-we said wed just do it that one time but, but now I think she may wanna start things up again.
Phoebe: Im, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdales and use the copy machine.
ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
Ross: Oh y'know what, girls don't like it when I start talking about science.
DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great.
David: Please, clean my beakers. I dont get out of the lab much.
Phoebe: How can you compare yourself to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way. You have a relationship with her, you slept together last night.
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean thats-thats when I really found my sound.
Ross: Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
Joey: All right, who got Chandler? Cause I uh, need to trade.
Monica: What are you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day.
Ross: Hey, I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college!
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
ROSS: Good morning. Hey pal, look who I brought. It's your old friend Harry Elefante. [Marcel grabs the elephant doll and throws it to the ground]
Chandler: I do limericks... uhm... There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside.
Joey: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, Im an actor, Joey Tribbiani, Im doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.
Phoebe: Umm, Im sorry. Wont-wont Jacks father be joining us?
Joey: Oh sureAnd hey, dont get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys. I just I miss hanging out just-just us, yknow?
Monica: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. (pause) Give me your phone.
Chandler: Inever borrowed your Walkman.
Rachel: Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs.
Rachel: Look, yknow I know my lifes going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people whove accomplished so many other goals by the time theyre thirty.
Phoebe: (hearing the signal) Im coming! Im coming! (She takes off towards the signal and almost knocks another woman over.)
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.
Cecilia: I probably shouldve just left years ago when the offers were pouring in, but yknow I just got so comfy here! And Ohh, I turned down some amazing work!
Rachel: Oh my God .Whats he gonna do now? I cant watch! (Drags Joey closer to her and cowers into his chest.) Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Arent you scared?
Monica: "Take me to the mansion in the sky-y". I am sorry, the song is over. Did you see me out there?
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I shouldve hid at the gym!
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Phoebe: (looks at the paper) Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!
Joey: Man, Im starving! What the hell was I thinking at dinner?! "Do you want soup or salad?" Both! Always order both!
Monica: Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.
Joey: Hey!! I need to relax! Okay? I was working all day!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! So I-I mean so in a few months Im going to have three full grown babies just walkin around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And its gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!
Ross: Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Ross: I know what you mean, Ive always wondered how different my life would be if-if Id never gotten divorced.
Charlton Heston: I dont know one actor worth his salt that didnt say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.)
Monica: No, wait, please dont go! Ive got porn for you too!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes really great though. He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am.
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Ross: Oh great now you're seeking me out to make jokes? I mean I can see for all hanging out but to come to my home!
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Ross: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
Phoebe: Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. (Singing)
Cassie: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
Monica: Honey, that's okay. I actually know this woman, Nancy, who's a restaurant biz head-hunter. Maybe she'll know of something.
Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah, I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker.
Joey: The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels. (Opens the curtains to reveal a snow storm outside)
Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?
Phoebe: Yeah, I should go to, `cause I'm playing in one hour. Hey, (clears her voice and in her normal voice) you guys should come hear me, ooh hear me. Ooh, (tries to sing) My sticky shoes--eww! Eww! I lost my sexy phlegm!
Phoebe: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
Chandler: No, honey youre not sick! Look, I dont love you because youre organized, I love you in spite of that.
Joey: I can fix it. Hold on. (He goes and gets a screwdriver from his apartment) Look out. Look out. (Pries at the door a little bit.)
Monica: It's weird, but you know what I don't wanna throw this away. I mean this is like all I have left of him, gross, drain hair. Ooh! (drops it in Ross's cereal)
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know, isn't that a little desperate?
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Passenger #1: I have to get off this plane, okay? Her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left Philange.
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Rachel: Yknow Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want.
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Joey: Uh yeah-ye-ye-ye-ye-yel-l-l-l-l-look the-the-the only reason that I, that I came up to you before was because well, Im really nervous about-about being you. Yknow if you can help me capture the essence of the character. Yknow? Help me keep Jessica alive. Please?
Rachel: Yeah, I don't know who I was kidding. I can barely use chopsticks.
Joey: Man! When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured it was something about maternity leave.
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Will: Sure! Monica, I cant get over how great you look! You look stunning!
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
Chandler: OH MY GOD! When you came in I switched the channel, I was just watching regular porn
Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, cmere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.
The Museum Official: (on machine) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller.
Phoebe: I cant follow Ross! Itd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Janice: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Ross: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. Okay.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail. (He storms out.)
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Ross: No! And Im not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.
Monica: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. (Ross starts to leave) Ross! Ross! Im kidding!
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
Joey: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brothers triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn!
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Monica: Hey! Umm, I think Brenda needs a raise.
Ross: Ooh, well. Ah, I kinda have got a lot on my plate right now, not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country with a strange man. (Mr. Oberblau giggles)
Chandler: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life. (He gets up and starts for the door.)
Lady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.
Phoebe: Thats not why youre going! Youre going because you hope hes gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy."