words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)
Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever.
Chandler: (surprised) It is?
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Carol: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Joey: I can do that, yeah. How is Friday?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Yeah. And yknow who shouldve shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Monica: (calling from the bathroom) Is someone there?
Monica: Isn't that sad? I mean, can you see how pathetic that is? You shouldn't be jealous. You should feel bad for him.
Julie: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.
Phoebe: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
[Scene: Rachels Doctors Office, she is waiting for her doctor as a nurse enters.]
Monica: It is not over because she is going to call you and tell you she loves you. And the reason why she couldnt, is because her feelings were so strong, it scared her. Now you go home and wait for her call, she could be calling you from the plane! Come on now go! Go! (Tries to push Ross out the door.)
Rachel: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you later. (opens door)
Ross: Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So-so that ones not really our fault.
Ross: Well, I do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Ross: Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.
Carol: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!
Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
Ross: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
The Food Critic: Im torn, between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest, your soap is abysmal. (Throws down the spoon and walks out.)
Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)
Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but thats why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Monica: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
Monica: Demi Moore is not a he.
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone except Ross is there watching Days of Our Lives.]
[Scene: Chandler's office, Monica and him are at a party his office is throwing.]
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Rachel: Okay, yknow what, yknow what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, theyre watching Happy Days.]
Phoebe: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.
[Cut to Chandler's room, Joey is relaying to Chandler his amazing discovery.]
Mrs. Geller: This is your grandmothers engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is reading as Monica and Chandler enter.]
Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
[Scene: Joey's room: Joey is sitting on his bed reading DooL transcript when Rachel walks in]
Tim: Oh, Im so glad you called. I feel like its always me calling you. So, whats up? Is everything okay with Phoebe?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler has his eyes closed, while Monica is fully awake.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up Chandler.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, Ross is drinking a beer while Rachel is examining herself in the mirror.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Rachel: Okay, honey, what he means by that, is ...while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joeys room followed by Joey.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...
Ben: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. (Goes over to Doug.)
Monica: Youre supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, whats-whats the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is drinking coffee as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there as Ross enters with his all his hair sticking straight up.]
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matired.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isnt something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.
Rachel: Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Rachel: I know! I know, she says its all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. (Ross looks at his table.) So come on, shes gonna be here any second! Can we please just cover this up with something?! Please?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there. Bonnie is telling them of her sex-capades.]
Rachel: Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little...(Starts flapping her arms)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Rachel is there as Joey gets up and starts putting on his coat.]
MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
Rachel: Im not moving! (She re-hangs a picture, crookedly.) Is that picture straight?
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is holding a book as she, Rachel, and Monica drink some tea as Chandler looks on.]
Phoebe: Okay. But the question is whos gonna go first. Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.
Ross: I can't believe this, she's our daughter! That you would treat her like some kind of showdog is inexcusable!
Joey: Naa, no. This is the part I'm actually good at.
Phoebe: Oh Rachel, this is all so Papa dont preach.
(Dr. Geller, the man with the Ph.D. in Paleontology, is trying to find a place to hide, but this supposedly intelligent man in the hands of clich�d scriptwriters runs around with his pants down around his ankles like one of the Three Stooges.)
Rachel: Oh my God, I cant believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.
Joey: I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business. Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross: You're right, you're right, it is.
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Ross: Which is fine! Because you just turned(Removes two candles from the cake)twenty-eight!
Rachel: Well, this is really awkward (staring at the floor) Oh, and I can leave!
Joey: No, no, no, I'm telling ya. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand okay? So the question is, what do we do?
[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]