words in movies
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we so sure that this is a girl?
Chandler: Oh, is that against the rules?
Ross: No, but it is frowned upon.
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Joey: All right! Thanks! Youre the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Rachel: (on phone) Hello? (Shocked that someone answered.) Uh, Rachel. (To the gang.) Great, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops!
Chandler: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
[Scene: N.Y.U. Paleontology department, Ross is putting up the grades on the message board.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]
(They start to look around seeing that the living room is undamaged.)
Fireman #1: Yeah, most of the damage is pretty mostly contained in the bedrooms.
Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is having coffee with Dana.]
Chandler: (giggles) My friends name is Joey.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is about to debut Hotel Monica (formerly known as Rachels Room) to Phoebe and Rachel.]
Monica: Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
[Scene: A street, Ross is walking with Elizabeth on their date.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is now showing Rachel around.]
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is reading and Monica runs over and turns on the lamp behind Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Oh! (Takes the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Yeah this is Phoebe. (Listens) Really?!
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Ross is telling Monica and Joey about his date with Elizabeth.]
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Monica: Joey that is so sweet.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler is having dinner with Dana.]
Chandler: Well maybe there is one thing you can do.
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
[Scene: Hotel Monica, Phoebe is on the bed playing her guitar as Monica enters.]
Ross: What?! No! No! Wait! Youre right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? Theres nothing wrong with that. Come on. (They get up and go over to the table where his colleagues are sitting.) Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.
Ross: Thats right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, were dating. And you may frown upon that, but were not gonna hide it anymore.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is looking at his handbook. Elizabeth is also there.]
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Ross: Well I-I-I dont care how hot it is its-its uh, its wrong.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]
Mr Zelner: Yeah, his name is Ross. (Ross looks very surprised) What?
Mr Zelner: She is good!
Mr Zelner: But I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do... Ah, it's not true, there is... nothing I want to do.
Ross: (realizing) That is Mark?
Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!
Monica: Oh, you know, my flock is good, I mean, yeah, my flock pretty much takes care of themselves at this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock.
Joey: That’s it? You know, it seems all you do lately is drop the ball.
Monica: Ours is so much better! This living room is smaller, the dining room looks like a cave! What a hole!
Rachel: No-no! Dont dance for me! Please? Dont! (She gets up to yell at her friends.) What is the matter with you guys?
Monica: Is all this about you not being able to grow a moustache?
Lady: Oh, the woman upstairs is very nice. She and her husband have two kids, he's on Wall Street and she…
Phoebe: Because patience is the road to understanding (she thinks) which ... is the key... to a happy heart.
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...
r Zelner: Who is it?
Receptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.
Mr Zelner: This is gonna make me very popular.
OPENING TITLES [Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.]
[Scene: The house next door to Chandler and Monica's new house. Chandler is pacing worriedly through the living room when Janice enters.]
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is working on his laptop when Rachel enters with Emma.]
[Scene: Mr. Zellner's office. There is a knock on the door.]
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
Mackenzie: Well, if moving here is gonna make them happy, don't you want them to do it?
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You dont, all right you dont have to love each other, okay? You dont, you dont even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
Joey: So what? Being funny is Chandler's thing... You know, like Ross's thing is... (he can't come up with anything)
Monica (enters the room): Are, are you kidding? This is packing?
Ross: Oh, I see, somebody is afraid of a little competition with the ladies?
Ross: Yeah? Yeah, where is it?
Ross: Here she is!
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
Rachel: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me...
Monica: That is so sweet. (they hug)
Ross: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her.
Monica: This is not, what I�m wearing. I�m ovulating and Chandler�s gonna be home any minute, so I thought we would try before dinner.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is fixing her hair and Duncan enters.]
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
[Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.]
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters. Joey is holding a baby duck.]
Phoebe: That is the rule, though.
Ross: Is Rachel here?
Joey: So, so is she still going to Paris?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
Chandler: Is it really that bad?
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Doctor: The baby's head is crowning.
Erica: Is he okay?
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Rachel: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...
Monica: This is unbelievable.
Monica: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
Monica: Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
(Ross is shocked.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Monica: Son of a gun, it is!
Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
Chandler: Oh dont forget, my office holiday party is tonight. (They go into the apartment.)
Ross: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasnt improved.]
Joey: This is so cool!
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
[Scene: New York City Department of Correction, Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Phoebe: Damn, that window is clean.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds.]
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
[Scene: The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass.]
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Rachel: Phoebe? Is everything okay?
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
Rachel: This is ridiculous! I...
Air stewardess: There is no Philange!
Passenger #1: But she is sometimes.
(She notices that everybody is leaving.)
Monica: Alright. My job here is done.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Ross: Where is she?
Phoebe: There she is!
Ross: Okay, the thing is..
Passenger #1: We're all getting off. There is no Philange!
Chandler: Wow, this is weird.
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica enter. Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for support.]
Benjamin: Certainly. Very well. And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday?
(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)