words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready for a date with Monica as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
Chandler: Is that what this is about? You like Caitlin?
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Phoebe: This is so cool!
Chandler: Uhh, Joey's grandmother is right there. (Points)
Monica: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?
(Phoebe then gets possessed 'cause she starts speaking in tongues. She speaks Italian to Joey's grandmother. She is quickly exorcised and returns to speaking in English. Of course, too most people English is a strange language as well. But none of them are probably reading this and if they were they wouldn't understand it. So why am I talking about them? I have absolutely no clue. Moving on )
[Time Lapse, the gang is now watching Law & Order. By the way, the entire rest of the episode takes place in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Something to think about.]
Joey: Oh umm, my big scene is coming up. Big scene coming up.
Caitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.
Ross: This is a girl that I really like and had too swoop in there!
Chandler: Okay, but there is a big difference. You are a lot hotter than I am.
Rachel: Okay that is the one we already have!
Chandler: (smiling) Well, what is it?
Phoebe: (smiling) This is terrible, what are you going to do?
Monica: (following her) Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Phoebe: All right, I already didn't give them back to you, that's what I said. (Walks away over to Rachel.) Where is that other earring?
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Ross: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like (checks his watch) ten minutes left!
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
[Time lapse, Rachel is coming back from Chandler and Joey's.]
Monica: Yeah, what is it?
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. (Holds out her arms for a hug.)
Monica: (angrily) That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! (Rachel looks over at Phoebe in resignation.) Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!
Rachel: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to (Ross interrupts and shushes her.)
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Caitlin: Y'know what? That's okay, you guys have ordered so many that this one is on me! (Runs for her life.)
[Scene: The street outside the building, Rachel is running to catch up with Caitlin.]
Caitlin: Oh, is there a problem?
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is the show still on?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, another time lapse, Monica is seeking advice from Rachel and Phoebe about possible replacement earrings.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is reading from a book.]
Joey: Man, this is bad! And Ive had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one though. (Quoting) "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal."
Ross: (They kiss and the phone rings and machine picks it up, its Ross putting on an accent pretending to be Vicrum) This is Vicrum.
Phoebe: Dont be so negative! Good God! Isnt it possible that Sorry is sitting in there (Joey and Rachels apartment) right now?!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing:)
Ross: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.
Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
Monica: Okay, now this one is rare, this one is medium well! Now go-go-go! (Phoebe enters) Hey Phoebe!
(They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]
Monica: Yeah, is that okay?
Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous thanOh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?
Ross: I'm sorry Chandler, but this, this is really important to me.
Chandler: It is. Did I... not tell you about her?
Monica: So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard?
Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?
Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, Im going to take her to an amazing Valentines dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks Im the best boyfriend in the world, then Im going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
Chandler: Uch, do you think, Monica is gonna be able smell it?
Ross: No, no, really. You should go. Just go! Go! Go out! Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up the heels. Paint the town red. (Slang right?)
Rachel: Well of course I do! But yknow, favorite returning character is a tough category Joey. I mean youre up against the guy who survived his own cremation.
Joey: Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.
Ross: Wow, it really is!
Monica: "Wendy" is a fat girl name.
Monica: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Coffee place, Joey is there, Chandler is entering]
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
[Starts to walk down the aisle, unfortunately she doesn't realize that her dress is bunched up in her underwear and her butt is showing.]
Rachel: Oh, wow, Molly is just great!
Rachel: Oh, yknow I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I(Chandler puts a forkful of the cheesecake in her mouth.)Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this? (She reaches over to look at the label on the box.)
Mike: What, is he your pet rat?
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel comes in and Gavin is there]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
Mike: You know, kinda think of it, the capital of Peru IS "vtox". (opens the kitchen cabinet) Oh god! Oh!
Monica: (grabbing a bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips) Phoebe, is this the recipe? (Tosses her the bag.)
(Chandler is staring at Molly)
Chandler: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to
Ross: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here
Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So thats dumb what I said, dont tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here.
Rachel: Well, youve been here for two months now and your boss is required to hand in a performance evaluation. But yknow, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate. (She turns around and sweeps the stuff off of her desk and hops up onto it.)
Joey: So you see, Molly, what people don't understand is that acting is a discipline. It takes a lot of hard work.
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Woman: Hi, is Molly here?
[Scene: Rachel's party, Rachel is on the balcony, Monica goes there also]
Monica: No way! You had your party, now I have mine! Is everything alright?
Chandler: Oh, well someone left this (shows a green jacket). This is yours?
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Rosss Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesnt get it?
Rachel: Who is it?
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Rachel: There isn't. There is totally isn't.
CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Cliff: Is this the same spoon that was in my cast? (Smells it.)
Gavin: Hey Mom! No, that's just my secretary. (Rachel is upset)
Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (She hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket.)
Chandler: Ok. First of all, this is green!
Mrs. Geller: (lying) Ive gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monicas room.
Ross: But, what�s great is that you don�t mind talking about it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]
Michelle: Ah, who is Emma?
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: All right! Who is he?
CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Chandler: Today is the sixth.
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]
(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)
(Rachel is still at the restaurant, but Steve is gone.)
Rachel: This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
Chandler: Well, its just the reason that Im asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable toI mean I really wanted too, but I couldnt . There huhhmm, there-there was an incident.
Rachel: Oh my god, this is the worst date ever!
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Ross: Female body inspector? What size is that?
Phoebe: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Ross: Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect?! I can't believe I never realized how great it is!
Joey: Oh yeah, I still cant believe you havent seen Cujo. What is wrong with you?
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Rachel: Monica...would you please tell Joey that he is a pig?