words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready for a date with Monica as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
Chandler: Is that what this is about? You like Caitlin?
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Phoebe: This is so cool!
Chandler: Uhh, Joey's grandmother is right there. (Points)
Monica: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?
(Phoebe then gets possessed 'cause she starts speaking in tongues. She speaks Italian to Joey's grandmother. She is quickly exorcised and returns to speaking in English. Of course, too most people English is a strange language as well. But none of them are probably reading this and if they were they wouldn't understand it. So why am I talking about them? I have absolutely no clue. Moving on )
[Time Lapse, the gang is now watching Law & Order. By the way, the entire rest of the episode takes place in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Something to think about.]
Joey: Oh umm, my big scene is coming up. Big scene coming up.
Caitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.
Ross: This is a girl that I really like and had too swoop in there!
Chandler: Okay, but there is a big difference. You are a lot hotter than I am.
Rachel: Okay that is the one we already have!
Chandler: (smiling) Well, what is it?
Phoebe: (smiling) This is terrible, what are you going to do?
Monica: (following her) Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Phoebe: All right, I already didn't give them back to you, that's what I said. (Walks away over to Rachel.) Where is that other earring?
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Ross: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like (checks his watch) ten minutes left!
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
[Time lapse, Rachel is coming back from Chandler and Joey's.]
Monica: Yeah, what is it?
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. (Holds out her arms for a hug.)
Monica: (angrily) That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! (Rachel looks over at Phoebe in resignation.) Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!
Rachel: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to (Ross interrupts and shushes her.)
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Caitlin: Y'know what? That's okay, you guys have ordered so many that this one is on me! (Runs for her life.)
[Scene: The street outside the building, Rachel is running to catch up with Caitlin.]
Caitlin: Oh, is there a problem?
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is the show still on?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, another time lapse, Monica is seeking advice from Rachel and Phoebe about possible replacement earrings.]
Rachel: (to Monica) I still can't believe you invited Gavin. Allright, he is the last person I want to see.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home.
Monica: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like" (Looks at Chandler)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]
Young Ethan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? (He checks his watch.) Oh, ah. I should go.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey is there.]
Phoebe: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And its against my oath as a masseuse.
Emily: I uh, Ive been to his apartment and he wasnt there, and uh. I need to talk to him, so do you have any idea where he is?
Emily: I still cant believe theyre tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building youll ever see. I mean its over (She stops suddenly, when she sees that demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Okay, this is where you and I part ways. (She drops the blanket into the chute.) Noisy bitch!
[Joey is staring at Monica's breasts]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're done and come out of their bedroom. Emma is still gone.]
Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.]
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?
JOEY: Right this is staging.
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her bedroom.]
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is putting jam on his muffin, lots of jam]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Phoebe: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
MONICA: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone really cares. . . Alright, we're broke, but cookies do say that.
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
[Scene: The hallway after the party. Rachel is sitting there.]
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
[Scene: Monica's party. She is seeing off the last of the guests.]
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet. I think Im falling in love with you all over again.
[Cut to a hospital room set on the Days of Our Lives stage. Two nurses are standing next to a bed with a man whose face is completely covered in bandages and reading his chart.]
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
[Chandler is visibly upset]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching movers take all his stuff away.]
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
Cop: (following her) Hey by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good. (Phoebe's stunned) And where did you find my badge?
Mackenzie: This is what my mom was talking about. Whiners are wieners. (Joey glares at her angrily) Look, you want your friends to be happy, right?
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey is there.]
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
[The next one is from Episode 712: The One Where Theyre Up All Night, Joey and Ross are deciding how to climb down the final part of the fire escape.]
PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
[Scene: Hotel's bar. Ross is running to Charlie trying not to be seen with two cocktails in his hands. She's hidden behind a huge plant]
Chandler: (slides the juice across the counter which Joey catches) What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
Phoebe: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and Okay so Jason is sensitive, (holds up one finger) but now sos Vince (holds up one finger on her other hand) Plus, Vince has the body y'know? (holds up two more fingers on the Vince side) So Its really just about the math.
RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
RICHARD: No that's not true. That is not true.
Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse.
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller. (he checks it, and zips up)
JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]
ROSS: Is this what you had in mind?
Ross: (He notices something through the window.) No! No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]
JOEY: You see this, this is a friend.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
CHANDLER: Why? Wh- wh- why is Mr. Douglas looking for me?
Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
PHOEBE: We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie is eating dinner and Ross is pacing behind her because of what shes eating.]
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
[Ross looks up as if saying that Joey was weird. He begins flipping through the pages, only to find that they are sticky. So one page is overlapping another, making two recipes look like one.]
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
Rachel: Look, If I dont get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Joey: I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and youre all invited! (They all gasp.)
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
JOEY: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
Chandler: There is not one hair on that head.
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
RICHARD: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
Joey: Why wouldnt ya? Erin is great! Then-then theres you guys.
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
[Scene Central Perk, the whole gang is entering]
Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Joey: This is Janice.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is entering from the bathroom.]
Monica: God, what is wrong with me.
Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
Joey: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?
Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?