words in movies
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!
Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.)
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and sit down heavily.]
Ross: Is it? Feels like two.
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
Rachel: What is it?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
Monica: That is so unfair!
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Rachel: Who is being loud?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.]
Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And the robe is lost.
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Chandler: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Ross: She is a kook.
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
Rachel: Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?!
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Rachel: So how is the uhm... baby styling business going?
Ross: We fell asleep! That is all.
Monica: Oh my God yes! Who is she?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Chandler: Well, lets see (Finding the picture he wants.) Okay uh, is that her? (Pointing to the picture.)
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Phoebe: See? This is exactly why you shouldnt lie!
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. (she looks around) It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.
Phoebe: (To Joey) You are unbelievable! I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know. Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: No, 10 is the highest.
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Phoebe: Rachel? Patrick is really rich. (To Patrick) Give her some money.
[Scene: Rachels Office, Tag is arriving as Rachel is standing there.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Rachel: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Phoebe: This stuff is great!
Chandler: Im saying that she is a devil woman! Yknow I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I dont hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Joey: Is this movie gonna be my big break?
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Rachel: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "Im Rachel Greep! Im Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in.
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Ross: It-itThe point is my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm.
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Monica: Oh my God, shes not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Monica: Is that all?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there again, only now theyre not talking to each other. Phoebe is loudly stirring her coffee.]
Monica: (To Chandler) This is what happens when you dont register for gifts!
Monica: Is he doing his shark attack bit yet?
Rachel: I Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Monica: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.'
Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Chandler: Is that what youre thinking about right now?
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'knowEmily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there�s a window open, a bird could fly in there.
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Rachel: Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know... you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.
Chandler: I am only one man! (Monica heads out) Okay Ross, time is up!
CHANDLER: All right. (reading her answer) "My husband is sleeping with his secretary." She's married!
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Ross: Phoebe, why is your bag moving?
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Joey: What the hell is in there?
Phoebe: Well, freaked. Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alices like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
Monica: Rosss apartment is nice! How come we don't hang out here more often?
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Mrs. Geller: Is everything all right, dear?
{Transcribers Note: This is an hour-long special episode. Which means that the first part of this episode is episode 615. The second part of this episode is episode 616. Since episodes 615 and 616 are combined into one file, thats why there is no episode 616 in the season 6 table of contents and the numbers jump from episode 615 to 617.}
Chandler: What is it doing here?
Ross: What is that? (refering to the sandwich)
Ross: She is not (Realizes) Shes gay. Oh my God. She is so gay! I cant believe this.
Chandler: (scared) Is there a puppy here?
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
[Cut to the balcony, Tag is looking down while Rachel enters.]
Monica: Look it is not my fault that your chairs are incredibly ugly!
Monica: (angrily) That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! (Rachel looks over at Phoebe in resignation.) Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!
Rachel: Well, what is a boss for? Hug it out! (They hug)
Ross: Yknow, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at (A knock on the door interrupts him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch and Joey is entering.]
ROSS: Ok, ok look, see, the thing is we're, we're not gonna fight you guys.
Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
Rachel: Well Joey, I hate to admit it, your way of sailing is a lot more fun.
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)
Joey: Rach, there is a decent place to
Ross: That is so unfair!
Phoebe: His first big kids bike, this is so exciting!
Phoebe: Yeah, oh Im sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, its a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! Im so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, causeOh! Im pregnant!
Receptionist: Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. Its a twins study.
Monica: Hello? (Listens) What?! (Listens) You what?! (Listens) Hey you listen here missy! (Listens) Wh(She is hung up on.)
Rachel: Hi. Tag, I have a conference call today is that correct?
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Rachel: (taking off her sweater) Okay umm, Ross? I'm-I'm really warm, so I'm going to be taking off my sweater. Now, I'm just letting you know that this is not an invitation to the physical act of love.
Monica: (turning a light on) Who is that?!
Monica: Hi. Do you know what time it is?
Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebes old massage place is getting fired.
Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Phoebe: (gasps) Does that mean Carcass is available?
Chandler: What is the matter with you?
(There is a knock on the door and Monica answers it. There is a woman standing there.)
Monica: What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh Chandler wants the band. What do I do?