words in movies
Monica: Okay, the reason why I asked you guys out to brunch today is because I have been doing some thinking about who should be my maid of honor.
Rachel: Oh my God! This is it! (She and Phoebe hold hands.) (To Phoebe) I really hope its you!
Rachel: Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?!
Phoebe: Wh-why is that the best part?
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Ross: Dude, you didnt say Die Hard. Is everything okay?
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is bringing Rachel some coffee.]
Phoebe: Because this one is now! And-and its two of our best friends! Who knows what youre gonna marry!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Ross: We fell asleep! That is all.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just gotten back from brunch and is telling Chandler about it.]
Chandler: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?
Chandler: Well, lets see (Finding the picture he wants.) Okay uh, is that her? (Pointing to the picture.)
Monica: Oh my God yes! Who is she?
Chandler: Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. (Monica is not amused by that statement.) Seriously, good luck marrying me.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Rachel: Phoebe is gonna be Monicas maid of honor!
Phoebe: See? This is exactly why you shouldnt lie!
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Ross: Wow, this cologne really is every bit as good as Georgio.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is approaching the bathroom door behind which Chandler is using the facility.]
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Ross: No, 10 is the highest.
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Chandler: You-you-you didnt know that. (Pause as she nods no.) Well, I guess my work here is done!
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Phoebe: This stuff is great!
Phoebe: Its fine. I mean, this is something that youve been thinking about since you were what, 14? (Shes referring to the Halloween picture.)
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Lets kill um!
Chandler: Okay. (notices that Joey is wearing some really tight jeans) My word! Those are snug.
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Phoebe: (sighs) Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top?
Hold Voice: Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]
Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries)
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandlers chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Ross: Well, yeah, of-of course Im okay! What? Im just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and (notices something) what-what is uh, whats this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, listen. Well, I think we gotta go. This place is really freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there, I don't think he came with a kid!
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
(Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to him aside.)
Monica: See? Thats what I mean. I mean that, thats great! But I wouldnt trade in what I have for that. I mean Im gonna be with Chandler for the rest of my life, and thats what makes me happy. (Chandler approaches.) Hey sweetie, come here! Come sit down. Hey Phoebe and I were just talking about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. It really is dont you think?
Chandler: Oh yeah, there-there she is!
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Joey: Psss, that is whack!
Mike: I can't believe this is gonna end. I guess I'll have my stuff packed up.
Phoebe: (shrugs) Er, Rita, this is my husband.
[Scene: Joeys Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.]
Mike: Well, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but, we could not let the box of rats ruin our lives.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Quincy M.E. as Chandler is walking into the living room from his bedroom.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica is throwing a party. Joey is talking to Ross about the bad audition he just had while pouring booze onto a snow cone.]
Tag: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there arent any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office.
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Mona: Hey, I went by the photo shop, take a look, here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?
<Everyone is looking around and at Joey with looks of 'what?' on their faces>
Phoebe: Yknow what? This one is. (Eats another spoonful of pudding as Cliff sees something on TV.)
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Guys! Please! Come on! Come on! This is obviously just a big misunderstanding.
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Yknow what? Id have to say I really dont care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem toWhoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!
Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?
Chandler: You know, I flew a long way t see my loving wife? Is she here by the way?
Ross: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like (checks his watch) ten minutes left!
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
[Scene: Central Perk. They're all sitting there as usual, except Joey. Gunther is serving a nearby table.]
MONICA: [entering] All right. Tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date. He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]
Airline Employee: (grabbing the ticket from him) Sir, this is not a first class ticket. Im sorry.
Monica: (on the phone) Hi, who's this? (Listens) Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. (Listens) Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. (Listens) Joanne, it's not as simple as all that, ok? (Listens) No, I don't care what Steve thinks. (Listens) Hi, Steve.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Joey: (on phone) Well, so anyway Beth, what Im saying is I shouldve considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. Ive ah, Ive recently learned whats it like to be on your side of it, and Im sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? (listens) Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. (He sits down and crosses out something, and dials the phone again.) Hello, Jennifer? (listens) Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? (listens) Oh, shes not home huh? (listens) Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.
Joey: Chandler? Forty-five minutes? Well, something is not right. I just can’t believe he would do this to Monica!
[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came to support Ross.]
Chandler: The only superpower you have is a slightly heightened sense of smell. (Hands him the jacket and walks away.)
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Monica is lugging one of those floor polishing machines through the hallway. Rachel comes up the steps and stops when she sees Monica.]
Joey: Dina, if youre having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! (Bobby gets happy.) Dude, thats not a compliment!
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister Ill let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
PHOEBE: Hamburger. McDonald's. Old MacDonald had a farm, my dad is a pharmacist.
Rachel: Ok, not that you need it but good...GOD!Is that Chase Lassiter?He's straight, right?
Joey: (picks up the phone) Hello? Yeah, this is Joey Tribbiani... Oh, hi! Well, I'm glad you liked my letter... No my mommy and daddy aren't home right now... (looks puzzled) Okay, bye bye. (hangs up) (to himself) She was nice!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Im going out with Eric! Ooh, this day is really gonna be so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Oh Ross, I cant make lunch. (Exits.)
Ross: (reading from a notepad) I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. (he throws the notepad in the waste bin) So-so what I am saying is - is is that (he picks the notepad back from the waste bin) is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles!
Chandler: Thats not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just dont feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didnt get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Joey: Alright, well the rest of you get comfortable, ok, because we're gonna be here for a li...(stops and thinks) Wait a minute, there is a window in there!
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
Joey: Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me now.
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form )
Tag: (entering) Yeah? (She holds up the folder) You found them!! (Rachel is not amused, because shes still going to try to blame him for her mistake like every good boss.) Yknow what? Im not even going to gloat. Im just really relived this whole thing is over.
Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
Emily: No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. (Introducing them) Liam, Devon, this is Ross.
Chandler: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, Im the one thats making him wait!
Monica: Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about New Year's Eve. Where is everybody else?
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Ross: (looks angrily at Joey and points at him) I swear to God...! (Joey is in shock)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]
Housekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and its not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)
[Scene: The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.]
Chandler: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?
Ross: So, why is Erica coming to visit?
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
[Scene: Looking through Ross's window, he's doing more pantomimes. The first one is he's walking a dog that has stopped, then suddenly tugs him forward.]
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting another cup of coffee.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. Hes on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. Its watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
Rachel: Yes! That I know, this is from White Plains.
Russell: (Rosss divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Monica enters.]
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
Phoebe: Your middle name is Pamela?