words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still looking out the window as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
Rachel: Yeah. And yknow who shouldve shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.
Chandler: (looking) Is that a swing?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Rachel: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on thats-thats crazyI mean thats crazy. So whats-whats going on with you? What is going on with you?
Monica: (crying) This is my favorite part.
(We see the TV and its the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)
Chandler: (totally not crying) Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, Rachel is at the counter as Jill enters.]
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Jill: Cant have?! Excuse me, the only thing I cant have is dairy! (Starts to storm out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
Rachel: I am jealous of her?! I mean who does she think she is?! Princess Caroline?!
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Monica: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, yknow she had such a terrible childhood.
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
Monica: Hold on a second! What is that on her ankle?
Chandler: Her ankle is what youre watching?
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is reading Chicken Soup for the Soul as Monica enters.]
Monica: What is wrong with you?!!!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his doorbell is ringing and hes running to answer it while doing up his pants.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: Who is it?
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is setting up for the slide show.]
Jill: Yeah. Ooh, I know what this is missing! Alcohol!
Rachel: (on phone) What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Ross: No, I mean, look I dont know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I dont want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Jill enters.]
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
Phoebe: I dont know why I was so nervous about this. And I dont know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
(Joey walks out, while Rachel is pensive. Once he's out of her room, he suddenly realizes who she was talking about and goes back in. He looks at her in disbelief and she looks like she was caught red-handed)
Megan: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.
Rachel: Ohh, my new assistant is working out, yes.
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wowwhoa!
Kathy: Cute assistant! Whats his story? Is he
(Little Chandler is pulling Chandler's sweater, while Leslie is throwing bagels at him.)
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Mrs. Geller: (rubbing her temples) Thats alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you werent supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, Im sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. (Phoebe makes a sad face.) Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
Phoebe: He is! But hes getting divorcedRoss! Maybe you know him.
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Ross: Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too!
Chandler: Dude that is so sad.
Phoebe: Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand! (Chandler is frantically trying to wave them off.)
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
Melissa: Umm, is Tag here?
The Photographer: Im sorry, is the seat uncomfortable?
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Rachel: Oh wow. Thatyknow what? That is so unfair. Yknow what? Now I want to steal your thunder! Come on Ross, lets go have sex!
Phoebe: (interrupting him) No listen to me! She is crazy!
Phoebe: You see? Nothing is good enough for her!
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is once again being dragged in by Ross so he that he can try to manipulate the situation so that its best for Ross, not necessarily whats best for Monica and Chandler.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is teaching Chandler how to smile. Chandler is smiling.]
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
Monica: Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it.
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Monica: I think that is so great! When are you gonna ask her?
Tag: Oh, yeah, this is from Rachel.
Monica: Oh I cant. Dr. Roger is coming over again.
Monica: Oh my God! Then-then-then what are we even doing?! What is this?!
Rachel: That-that is your make out buddy. Dont you recognize him? (Holding up the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.
[Scene: Rachels Office, Tag is entering.]
Tag: Do you believe that there is one perfect person for everyone?
Rachel: Why? Is he? He is! Isnt he? Hes dating that slut in marketing!
Rachel: Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?!
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Rachel: So how is the uhm... baby styling business going?
Ross: We fell asleep! That is all.
Monica: Oh my God yes! Who is she?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Chandler: Well, lets see (Finding the picture he wants.) Okay uh, is that her? (Pointing to the picture.)
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Phoebe: See? This is exactly why you shouldnt lie!
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. (she looks around) It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.
Phoebe: (To Joey) You are unbelievable! I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know. Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: No, 10 is the highest.
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Phoebe: Rachel? Patrick is really rich. (To Patrick) Give her some money.
[Scene: Rachels Office, Tag is arriving as Rachel is standing there.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Rachel: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Phoebe: This stuff is great!
Chandler: Im saying that she is a devil woman! Yknow I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I dont hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Joey: Is this movie gonna be my big break?
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Rachel: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "Im Rachel Greep! Im Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in.
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Ross: It-itThe point is my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm.
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Monica: Oh my God, shes not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Monica: Is that all?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there again, only now theyre not talking to each other. Phoebe is loudly stirring her coffee.]
Monica: (To Chandler) This is what happens when you dont register for gifts!
Monica: Is he doing his shark attack bit yet?
Rachel: I Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Monica: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.'
Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Chandler: Is that what youre thinking about right now?
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'knowEmily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there�s a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Rachel: Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know... you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.