words in movies
Monica: So it looks like it's going really well for you two, huh?
Chandler: (terrified) Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's fast!
Monica: Relax! It's Phoebe! Not you!
Rachel: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.
Rachel: It's a, it's a cat!
Joey: It's not a cat!
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
Joey: It's not a cat!
Gary: No, it's too soon for you guys.
{Y'know, sometimes I think the script writers throw in a line like that to try to trip me up. But it won't work. I'll always have the last laugh! <manical_laugh.wav> Okay, so maybe I'm a little deluded, it's probably just my spellchecker. But, I must admit I did get Mesozoic and Paleozoic on the first attempt. Yay me! Anyhoo }
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
Rachel: Well, it's my cat.
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Phoebe: That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean there's so much we don't know about each other.
Phoebe: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm justI'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.
Ross: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?
Chandler: It's throwing and catching!
Joey: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.
Gary: Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I justI want you to be happy
Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
Woman No. 1: Eew! It's creepy looking!
Rachel: Oh no! No! It's actuallyit's very sweet. It's very sweet. Look! (Goes to pet it and it hisses at her.) Yeah, do you want it?
Monica: Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check time!
Rachel: It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. (Pause) Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson.
[Scene: Gary and Phoebe's apartment, it's morning and they're both waking up in bed.]
Phoebe: I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all day.
Rachel: Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
Monica: I'm sorry honey, but we're gonna take you shopping. It's gonna be fine.
Sandy: It's allright! Crying is good. It lets the boo-hoos out.
Joey: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho!
Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.
Rachel: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so nervous, it's so sweet!
Chandler: It's okay, the duck's using our bathroom anyway. (Kathy goes into the bathroom.) Hey Joe! What are you getting Kathy for her birthday?
Monica: I can't believe we've never done this before! It's sooo good! So good for Monica!
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
Rachel: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!
Ross: Well, he said there's definitely nothing to worry about, it's totally benign.
Joey: It's not my first time.
Joey: So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!
Rachel: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox?
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Joey: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... (realises) Wait a minute... This says Monica... (looks around) And this is Richard's apartment... (realises some more)
ROSS: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.
Monica: So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javo (sp?). It's just a little outside of Tulsa.
Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Bitsy: It's so nice to finally meet you!
Joey: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. (Chandler pours some juice in a glass.) You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Bitsy: Well thank you, I'll give you a tour later. It's actually three floors.
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
Phoebe: Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you 'cause I'm a cop. (Shows the badge.)
PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on!
Phoebe: (accent) Got it! It... It's hard to stop...
ROSS: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.
KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.
David: It's ok. Ho-honest mistake.
Sandy: I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart... (Ross has got that bored/angry/skeptic look and Rachel is very emotional)
CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright.
Phoebe: Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
Monica: (without looking up from what she's doing) Besides tampons and salt? (Then looks) Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. (Opens the box) That's weird...it's empty!
Chandler: Allright, I'm gonna watch it... I mean look, it's probably not even what I think it is... And even if it is... It can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head... (laughs nervously) Can it?
CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)
Joey: Well it's okay, its like... its just a football game.
Pete: Ah, no it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. (to other caller) Yeah. (listens) Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call you back later. (pause) Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back.
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
Chandler: Y'know Pheebs, it's kinda our (His and Monica's) anniversary.
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
[Scene: Ross's apartment.Someone's knocking on the door. Ross rushes to the door and it's Rachel with Emma.]
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Chandler: Yeah? You don't think it's just pathetic?
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.
Monica: Okay! It's time for dinner. Everyone we're using our fancy china.. um and its very expensive so please be careful.
Woman at door: It's your favorite sister.
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. (Holds out her arms for a hug.)
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
Ross: That only is not funny, it's physically impossible! Ok? Depending on the species I'd have to have a six foot long... (pause) It's not funny!!
Chandler: Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me. When we get to Tulsa I'm taking you for a great dinner at 'Slim Pickings'. 'So Cheesy'? 'Whole Hog'? It's going to be tough to keep Kosher in Tulsa.
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
Ross: Why? Why? I know it's a little weird, but hey, he's a great doctor, okay? He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal. 'Ah look, it's my favorite patient!'
MRS. WINEBURG: Well it's wonderful to have you up and about, again, dear.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
MR. GELLER: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's what it's there for. She's gonna be fine, and if you need a little extra, you know where to find it. [pulls a quarter from behind her ear]
Phoebe: That's okay Rachel. I'm not judging you; that's just who you are. Me. I'm more free y'know? I run like I did when I was a kid, cause that's the only way it's fun. Y'know, I mean didnt you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? Y'know, like when you were like running towards the swings or running away from Satan? (Rachel looks confused) The neighbor's dog.
Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom!
Steve: Okay, you got your free food! You ruined everyone's fun! Don't you think it's time you went home?!
SUSIE: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that denim cap with all the little mirrors on it.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
RACHEL: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken?
Chandler: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.
Ross: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
MONICA: All right. We're gonna go. It's not for another six hours. We're gonna go then.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Amy with confused look on face: Yeah I.. I think so. <sticks her hand out to shake hands with Phoebe and says to her> It's nice to meet you Emma.
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?