words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Janice: Oh, you didn't have to do this.
Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.
Janice: We should?
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into her.]
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler!
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Janice: What are you doing here?
Janice: Are you being British?!
Janice: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me?
Janice: Barley? What kind of party serves barley?
Janice: Where is this party?
Janice: Who's party is it?
Janice: What woman?!
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Janice: (entering) Yoo-hoo! Aaron Litman-Neurolic would like to say hello to his future bride.
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
Janice: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Yknow? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends dont really seem to care too much that youre leaving.
Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.
Janice: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Janice: Yeah, um, Im, Im leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandlers grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffeeahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Janice: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! (Chandler and Monica are utterly shocked) Ellen, we're going to talk numbers. (Grabs Ellen by her elbow and pulls her outside)
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Chandler: (to Janice) Dont look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Janice: So I'm asking you please, take a moment before you judge me.
Janice: Oh, Im sorry honey, Im so, so, (nasally) haaaaa! Im so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I cant breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?
Janice: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!'
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what youre doing. Just raising her all alone.
Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!
Janice: (starting to cry) You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't think I can take another second of you whining!!
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-Ive got to give my marriage another chance.
Janices Voice: (singing) Youre look for laughable (She does the now patented Janice laugh.)
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Ross: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!
CHANDLER: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Janice: But I love my husband. And I know you love your wife. Now, I don't think we should get this house now.
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.)
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Janice: What?
Janice: Ow!
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
Ross: Look, I didn't lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Chandler: You remember Janice.
Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)
Janice: Just us.
Chandler: Janice?
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe itll take your mind off Janice, and if you dont play, everyone will be mad at you cause the teams wont be even. Come on.
Janice: Im sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Janice: Hi, Monica.
Rachel: Oh my god. Janice, hi!
(Janice kisses him. Monica comes out for the newspaper.}
(Janice enters.)
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Chandler: Hi, Just Janice.
Janice: Hello, funny Valentine.
Janice: That's fine.
Janice: Kiss me!
Janice: Each.
Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.
Janice: I brought you something.
Janice: I had them made special.
Janice: Happy Valentine's Day!
Janice: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever.... almost?
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Rosss foot instead.)
JANICE: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
ROSS: We'll give you Janice.
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
JANICE: Oh, my, god.
ROSS: You remember Janice, right?
PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice?
JANICE: Hey, it's everybody.
JANICE: Yes, I am.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.
Ross: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? (Janice makes an agreeing sound.) So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice.
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours Im gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, Im gonna get so drunk, Im gonna wanna call Janice
JANICE: Helloo!!
Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.
Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?
Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine.
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun.
Janice: I will go for that drink.
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
Janice: Say hello to Aaron, your future son-in-law.