words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Janice: Oh, you didn't have to do this.
Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.
Janice: We should?
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into her.]
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler!
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Janice: What are you doing here?
Janice: Are you being British?!
Janice: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me?
Janice: Barley? What kind of party serves barley?
Janice: Where is this party?
Janice: Who's party is it?
Janice: What woman?!
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
(Suddenly they hear Janice laughing, and it ruins the moment.)
Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
Janice: Chandler?
Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)
Monica: Janice, what umm, what are you doing here?
Janice: Why not?
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Janice: Why?
Janice: He does?
Chandler: Janice, Im sorry but umm, you cant stay here tonight.
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why dont you tell about your lovely wedding?
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Janice:Too London? No-no, Rome? Vienna? Ooh-ooh, Barcelona?
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Woman: OH .MY .GAWD!!! (Uh-huh, its Janice.)
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Janice: Oh well, Im divorced.
Janice: I .cant .believe this!
Monica: Does that sound like Janice?
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Sid: (To Janice) Whatd he say?
Janice: Why?!!
Janice: Its you. This is yours.
Janice: What?!
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Chandler Bing!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
Janice: (laughs) Look how nervous he gets! We havent slept together in years! (Laughs again.)
Janice: Im telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say theyre gonna be there until they start their real family.
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Ross: (entering) Hey Janice!
Janice: Oh hi!
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Janice: Bye. (Exits.)
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.
Janice: So? Congratulations you two, I didnt even know you got married.
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? Its been three hours.
Janice: Ah ahahahhahaa! How great is this!
Janices Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
(Janice does her "Janice Laugh")
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Janice: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.
Janice: That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Janice: OH MY GOD!!
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
Monica: No, actually, we're buying the house next door. (Janice gasps)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, theyre watching Happy Days.]
Janice: Oh my God!
Janice: Oh... my...
Janice: Huh?
Janice: Oh, me too... (laughs)
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Janice: Oh wait you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?
Janice: Chandler, what are you talking about?
Janice: Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Janice: I don't know what to say... I mean, you know, obviously we have this... heat between us.
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
[Scene: The house Monica and Chandler are viewing. Janice comes down the stairs.]
Joey: Okay. I went down to the Mattress King showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I want you... I need you... I must have you Janice Litman Goralnik Neihosenstein.
Janice: Please... go! (Then shouts after him) Just let me know if you need a hand!
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! (Does the laugh.)
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Janice: Hes a keeper. How are you feeling?
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
[Scene: The house next door to Chandler and Monica's new house. Chandler is pacing worriedly through the living room when Janice enters.]
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
Janice: All right, I got to run. Tell Monica I say goodbye. And... I'll see you later, neighbor. (Janice laugh)
Janice: (entering) Yoo-hoo! Aaron Litman-Neurolic would like to say hello to his future bride.