words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, theyre watching Happy Days.]
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janices ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Chandler: (to Janice) Dont look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
Janice: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.
Janice: Oh, I cannot believe hes using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)
Janice: Oh my God.
[The final one is from Episode 607: The One Where Phoebe Runs, Joey has been trying to repel Janice and sees its not working to his liking so hes confronting her about the sexual tension.]
Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.
Janice: Whats the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?
Janice: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Janice: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)
Joey: Yeah, you've been avoiding her ever since we started going out. Look, I made an effort to like Janice, now I think it's your turn to make an effort to like Kathy by going out to dinner with us. Right?
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]
Chandler: Janice?!
Chandler: Janice?
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Woman: OH .MY .GAWD!!! (Uh-huh, its Janice.)
Joey: Hey! (Sees Janice.) Ah!! (Janice screams in surprise.)
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
Janice: Why not?
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Janice: Why?
Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why dont you tell about your lovely wedding?
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
(Suddenly they hear Janice laughing, and it ruins the moment.)
Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Janice: Chandler?
Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)
Monica: Janice, what umm, what are you doing here?
Janice: He does?
Chandler: Janice, Im sorry but umm, you cant stay here tonight.
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Janice:Too London? No-no, Rome? Vienna? Ooh-ooh, Barcelona?
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Janice: Oh well, Im divorced.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Sid: (To Janice) Whatd he say?
Janice: Why?!!
Janice: What?!
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Monica: Does that sound like Janice?
Janice: Chandler Bing!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Janice: Its you. This is yours.
Janice: I .cant .believe this!
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Janice: (laughs) Look how nervous he gets! We havent slept together in years! (Laughs again.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
Janice: Im telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say theyre gonna be there until they start their real family.
Ross: (entering) Hey Janice!
Janice: Oh hi!
Janice: Bye. (Exits.)
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
Janice: So? Congratulations you two, I didnt even know you got married.
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Janice: Ah ahahahhahaa! How great is this!
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? Its been three hours.
Janices Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
Janice: OH MY GOD!!
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Janice: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.
Janice: That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
(Janice does her "Janice Laugh")
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Janice: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! (Chandler and Monica are utterly shocked) Ellen, we're going to talk numbers. (Grabs Ellen by her elbow and pulls her outside)
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Janice: Chandler, what are you talking about?
Janice: Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Janice: Oh wait you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?
Janice: I don't know what to say... I mean, you know, obviously we have this... heat between us.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Joey: Okay. I went down to the Mattress King showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
Janice: All right, I got to run. Tell Monica I say goodbye. And... I'll see you later, neighbor. (Janice laugh)
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
Janice: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Yknow? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends dont really seem to care too much that youre leaving.
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...