words in movies
Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Chandler: Thats a good idea, Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday. I would like to get her something serious.
Joey: Okay. I went down to the Mattress King showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Janice: (entering) Hows my Bing-a-ling?
Janice: Why are your eyes so white?
Janice: Oh my God!!
Janice: How did you know?
Janice: In the park?
Janice: Just those two!
Janice: Oh, Im sorry honey, Im so, so, (nasally) haaaaa! Im so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I cant breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?
(Janice starts to breath into it and sucks in the reciept, and then spits it out.)
Janice: The receipt.
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Janice: I dont know.
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Janice: Okay.
Janice: Wow!
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Janice: What?
Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-Ive got to give my marriage another chance.
Janice: (standing up) Im sorry. (hugs him)
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesnt let her go.)
Janice: Honey, honey, people are looking.
Janice: Yeah, um, Im, Im leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandlers grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
Janice: Chandler?
Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)
Monica: Janice, what umm, what are you doing here?
Janice: Why not?
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Janice: Why?
Janice: He does?
Chandler: Janice, Im sorry but umm, you cant stay here tonight.
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why dont you tell about your lovely wedding?
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Janice:Too London? No-no, Rome? Vienna? Ooh-ooh, Barcelona?
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Janice: Oh well, Im divorced.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Woman: OH .MY .GAWD!!! (Uh-huh, its Janice.)
Janice: I .cant .believe this!
Monica: Does that sound like Janice?
Janice: Why?!!
Janice: What?!
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Sid: (To Janice) Whatd he say?
Janice: Chandler Bing!
Janice: Its you. This is yours.
Janice: Im telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say theyre gonna be there until they start their real family.
Janice: (laughs) Look how nervous he gets! We havent slept together in years! (Laughs again.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Ross: (entering) Hey Janice!
Janice: Oh hi!
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Janice: Bye. (Exits.)
Janice: So? Congratulations you two, I didnt even know you got married.
Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
Janice: Ah ahahahhahaa! How great is this!
Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? Its been three hours.
Janices Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
(Janice does her "Janice Laugh")
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Janice: OH MY GOD!!
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Janice: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.
Janice: That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, theyre watching Happy Days.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Janice: Oh my God!
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Monica: No, actually, we're buying the house next door. (Janice gasps)
Janice: Oh... my...
Janice: Oh wait you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?
Janice: Huh?
Janice: Oh, me too... (laughs)
Janice: Chandler, what are you talking about?
Janice: Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Janice: I don't know what to say... I mean, you know, obviously we have this... heat between us.
Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
[Scene: The house Monica and Chandler are viewing. Janice comes down the stairs.]
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Hes a keeper. How are you feeling?
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
Janice: Please... go! (Then shouts after him) Just let me know if you need a hand!
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I want you... I need you... I must have you Janice Litman Goralnik Neihosenstein.
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler!
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Janice: All right, I got to run. Tell Monica I say goodbye. And... I'll see you later, neighbor. (Janice laugh)
[Scene: The house next door to Chandler and Monica's new house. Chandler is pacing worriedly through the living room when Janice enters.]
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.