words in movies
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
JOEY: I'm excited! I've never gotten reviewed before.
JOEY: Here it is, here it is. [reading from newspaper] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king.
RACH: Joey, honey, they don't know what they're talking about.
JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.
JOEY: No, no, no, it.. it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.
[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
PHOE: Oh, we were just trying to make Joey feel better.
JOEY: No, I'm alright man. Really.
JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.
[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]
JOEY: I just had a glass.
JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute ago] Ooooooh.
JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHAN: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet now, but... Joey, that's who.
JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!
JOEY: With a man?
JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?
[Joey enters.]
JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.
ESTL: Joey, have you ever seen me ecstatic?
JOEY: No.
JOEY: OK, uh.... listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. The network casting lady...
JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the feeling that she was sort of... coming on to me. And I definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if I would have sent the Little General in.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.
JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.
JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.
JOEY: Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?
JOEY: I've never slept with someone for a part.
JOEY: Sorry.
JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept with her.
JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.
JOEY: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.
RACH: Did Joey say what he was gonna go when he left?
[Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.
JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.
JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.
JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!
JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves]
Joey: So, did you bring a little something for Ross?
Joey: Okay uh, look I know youre a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff
Monica: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!
Ross: Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.
Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!
Joey: No-no, I cant! I cant! Not after the other night, its just its too weird, okay? Dont tell her Im here! (Turns to run to the bathroom and his bagel falls off the plate onto the floor.) Dont eat that! (Runs to the bathroom as Rachel enters.)
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, Id have to give the edge to Phoebe.
(Joey comes running into the apartment, out of breath.)
Joey: What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a penis.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Her first cookie? She has cookies all the time!
(Joey looks at them, disappointed about their decision)
Monica: You know what? Then, Joey, we want you to do it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Ross: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. (Joey just stares at him) I'm Ross.
Joey: That's right, yeah.
Joey: Always nice to meet a fan!
Ross: (to Joey) Oh my God!
Joey: What did I just say?
[Scene: Joey’s Apartment. Ross is filming his parents ]
Joey: (getting an idea) Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Joey enters the room]
Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!
Joey: Yep!
Monica: Alright, what was this sentence originally? (shows the sentence to Joey)
Joey: Why not?
Joey: Well, that is a large piece of television equipment. (Points at a large piece of television equipment as an old man walks by.) And uh that is an old man! Hey old man!
Joey: Yeah, yeah and hey, I really mean it, dude.
Monica: Hey Joey, I don’t think we can use this.
Joey: What?
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Rachel: Joey, I can’t do that!
Joey: But uhm, we're getting rid of her, right? Rach, please tell me we’re getting rid of her.
Joey: And its not fake, its totally brutal.
Joey: You slept out here?
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel is in the living room and Joey comes out of his room.]
Joey: Yeah, Monica made us!
Joey: 'Cause we will appreciate it more when she’s gone?
Rachel: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she’s difficult, but I think it’s really good that she’s here.
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I dont know if you can hear this but (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) Im gonna talk anyway, uh, Im in the States with you sister and your friends and its all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell youYes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.
Joey: Yeaah.
(Ross chokes up and pauses. Rachel and Joey look at him.)
Chandler: Joey, we would've asked you, we just thought you wouldn't be interested.
Joey: Oh thats right. Theres a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier.
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is inside, Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Monica: (surprised) They thought Joey was a child?
Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?
Joey: She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.
Joey: But Ross, Ross. What do you, what do you think she's going to say?
Joey: Good, and hey! My treat. (He turns to go into his bedroom then stops.) But that's only because you're not eating anything, right?
Joey: Actually we prepared performances.
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's. Joey is in the kitchen and the telephone rings.]
Joey: Whoo-hoo! (and leaves for Rachel's room)
Rachel: (yelling) Joey, where are those bags?
Joey: (Yelling from Rachel's room) She has a lot of crap!
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)
Joey: Hey! Rachel: Congratulations! Wow!!
Chandler: (entering with Joey) (to Monica) Coffee house?
Joey: Hey Rach, do you feel like going to a convention?
Joey: No.
Joey: Cool!
Joey: Uh, am I curious? I mean, I am as curious as... as... George!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Continued from earlier.]
Joey: There it is, you're blushing!
Joey: Oh! Any word on casting yet?
Joey: Thank you. (he sits down)
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Joey and Emma are there.]
Joey: Damn it! (he leaves)
Joey: Just pass it to your boss!
Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Joey: (angrily) Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!
Joey: What's up?
Joey: Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but to lie to me?
Joey: (sounds disappointed) Oh.
Joey: (sounds confident) You didn't watch the tape.
Joey: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine?
(Joey walks up to Cecilia Monroe who plays Jessica.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]
Joey: You still here?
(Joey comes out of his room)
JOEY: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?
Joey: (very angry) You wanna know wh...? You wanna know why? (goes back into his room)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.]
Rachel: Joey, we're not keeping this!
Rachel: Joey, what... is... this...thing... doing here?
Joey: (enters from his bedroom) What?
Joey: But it's an original Buffay...
Monica: Hey! I sold that to Joey.
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Joey: Now, what do you say?
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Joey: That's not the point Chandler. The point is that you lied.
Joey: And?... AND?
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!