words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
Tag: Ms. Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you dont use the words old or downhill or (To Joey) they still look pretty damn good. (Joey smiles and everyone glares at him.)
Joey: They do!
Joey: Come on Rach! Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.
[Flashback to Joeys thirtieth birthday party. It is being held in Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Joey: (screaming) And now Chandler! Were all gettin so old! (Looking up) Why are you doing this to us?! (Turns away crying.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, breakfast is finished but Rachels still down.]
Joey: Yeah, youre roommate is a soap opera star.
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Joey: Hey, whats the horsepower on this thing?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is pouring Rachel some coffee.]
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monicas gonna be here any minute!
Joey: But it hurts my Joeys Apple.
(Joey walks away and Mr. and Mrs. Geller walk up. Mr. Geller is wearing this ancient velvet tuxedo.)
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
Monica: Nooo! (Giggles) Okay. (She tries to pull herself up by Rachel and Joeys doorknob, but the door opens and she almost falls into the their apartment. She manages to catch herself.) Whoa! (Stands up, unsteadily) Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning (whispering) thirty. (Giggles.) So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. (Pause) I wanna puke on you later!
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
Woman: (To Joey) Is this yours?
Joey: Well actually
Joey: Dude, you soooo need this car.
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
Rachel: Okay, but taking care of a drunk, naked woman seems like a job for Joey.
Joey: Yep. (Starts for Monicas room, but Chandler stops him.)
Joey: Now that youre a couple, we dont get two presents from you guys?
(We hear Tag scream out in the hallway and jump into view of the open door on the scooter. He gives a hearty thumbs up to the group and rides off, with Joey following breathlessly behind.)
Joey: Will you quit hoggin it!
Joey: (to the waiter) Hey! Are those crab cakes? (The waiter nods) Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready?
Phoebe: (To Joey) Okay quick, help me get this off! (Motions to her top.)
Joey: Yeah!!
Joey: Oh, I dont know Pheebs. Itll be okay.
Joey: Thats not gonna happen. No. (Looks up) Because we have a new deal!
Joey: Like what?
Joey: Hey, yknow what you guys? I think Im gonna go walk her home. (Gets up and runs out.)
[Cut outside, Joey is catching up with Phoebe.]
Joey: Pheebs! Wait up! (She stops.) Listen uh, close your eyes. (She does so and Joey passionately kisses her.) Maybe thats one thing you can cross off your list.
(Joey starts to walk away, but stops.)
Joey: Oh, and plus Im 1/16th Portuguese.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
[Scene: Rachels birthday, she is coming into the hallway where Joey and Tag are playing with the scooter.]
Rachel: Hey Joey, can I
Joey: Oh, come on Rach! My turn just started!
Joey: Oh. Okay. Hey, can I ride this outside?
Joey: Okay! (Runs off downstairs.)
Joey: Yes!
Joey: (entering, limping, and holding his arm) I dont like this anymore. (He sits down with them in pain.)
Joey: (crying) Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! (He buries his head in Rosss shoulder.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
Joey: All-all right! (They run and jump in the car.) Start it up! Lets go!
Joey: No.
Joey: Then you go to Tokyo.
Joey: Youre not stupid. Youre meaner than I thought.
Joey: Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!
CHAN: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
Joey: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.
Joey: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
Joey: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!
Monica: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Erin: Hey Joey!
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
Joey: I dont have a key, they took mine to give to you.
JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got.
Rachel: (ecstatic) Oh my God! Its Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Joey: But it's available now! Isn't it?
Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey: No, I wasnt gonna ask you that, no.
Joey: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know youre not gonna be alone in this.
Joey: So, system kinda broke down huh?!
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
Joey: Didn't I tell ya? Always showin' off.
Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! (Holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his ordination.)
Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Joey: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?
Monica: Joey, please dont do that. I think its best that we just forget about it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.]
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Monica: (stopping Joey from answering) Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is in the kitchen as Joey enters from his bedroom.]
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Monica: I don't know. I mean, you saw him do a love scene, so maybe you don't have a thing for Joey, maybe you have a thing for Drake.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]
Joey: Were playing Strip Happy Days Game!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joeys room followed by Joey.]
Joey: Youre ready to have a baby? My boys all grown up!
Joey: Have you heard about a little something called, Not Making Girls Cry.
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rosss points!
Joey: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! (Walks away.)
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
The Director: (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Joey: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Joey: Dear Lord.
Joey: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Joey: (turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Joey: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Joey: Hey, dont get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Joey: Oh, hey let me. (Opens the door for Janine and after he closes the door behind her gasps ecstatically.)
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey is eating breakfast, Rachel has just gotten up, and Monica is on the phone.]
Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)
Joey: Great. (He doesnt like it.) You got anything thats not Ralph Lauren?
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
Charlie: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?
JOEY: I figure my character has kids.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
Joey: Wait! Terry! WaitLookWait I-I Look, Im really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking Im too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance.
Joey: Only if you think its better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Joey: Forget about it. Its no big deal.
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Rachel: (Joey walks to the door) Although...
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Joey enter having just woken up.]
Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
JOEY: Why would I want another apartment, huh? I've already got an apartment that I love.
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers)
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
Joey: 18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his "How You Doin'" line) Ross: Joey, NO!
Chandler: Hey! Im sorry! That(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Joey: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Joey: Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
Joey: Well (taking his cell phone out of a pocket) I’m wanna hear it, because she keeps doing this.
Joey: (entering) Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
Rachel: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?
Joey: Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow?
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Joey: You damn right I am, I've been waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.