words in movies
[Scene: Joeys Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.]
Joey: Oh okay, okay! One more push! One more push! Come on honey, were almost there! Were almost there!
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im so happy things worked out for us that were having this baby together. I love you so much.
Joey: Oh, I love you too.
Joey: Thats always appropriate! (Back to the matter at hand) Oh, okay. One more push! One more push!
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
Ross: (crying) I hope youre a better father than youre a friend!! (Cries again and Joey wakes up in horror.)
Rachel: (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey!
Joey: What? Whats going on?
Joey: Aaaah
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
Joey: Really?!
(Joey starts to get up but stops.)
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Maybe uh, you you should come to me. Im a not, Im not wearing any bottoms.
Joey: Oh my, oh my God!
Joey: Mia Hamm?
Joey: Oh thats amazing. (Drops the sheet.)
Joey: Whoa-hey-oh! Sorry!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: Hey Ross! The babys kicking!
Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joeys room and he was sleeping
Joey: A dreamless sleep.
Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel.
Joey: Wow! Can I get a copy of that?
Chandler: I wasnt trying to open your closet! I wasnt trying to open your closet! I swear! (Running into the kitchen and sees its Joey.)
Joey: Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing?
Joey: Why not?
Joey: I dont know. Ooh, I bet its Richard.
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe shes having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
Rachel: Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I dontWhoa!! (Winces in pain.)
Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, dont worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Joey: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everythings gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones!
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.]
Joey: Hey! So?
Joey: So but everything is normal.
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
Rachel: Thank you doctor. (Dr. Long exits.) (To Joey) Oh thank you for being so nice and calm.
Joey: Calm?! I wasnt calm! Ive never been more scared in all my life!
Joey: Well what do I know?! Im not a doctor!
Joey: You sure?!
Joey: (seeing Ross) Oh hey-hey!
Joey: Something called Braxton-Hicks contractions.
Joey: Hey uh, whats with the candy?
Ross: (To Joey) So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital.
Joey: Oh hey, dont worry about it man. Dont worry about it, no big deal.
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Joey: Oh uh, hey. Not as good as this guy! (Grabs Ross around the shoulders.) He brought Twizlers!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.]
Joey: Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin?
Joey: Then why do you throw like one?
Joey: Sure. "Monica."
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh, I just I feel terrible.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.]
Joey: Whats going on?
Joey: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad.
Joey: Im on it! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.)
Joey: Dude relax! It could happen to anyone.
Joey: Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second?
Joey: Uh, sit down. I wanna talk about our situation.
Joey: The thing is cause I live with Rachel Im here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross Ross is missing everything. So
Joey: Maybe you two should live together.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
Joey: All right now, so? What do you think?
Ross: No! No its not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
Joey: Well, I was due.
Ross: Oh Rach thats great. Thats great. (They hug and Joey breathes a sigh of relief.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldnt stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, its a couple weeks past its expiration date, so its got a bit of a kick.
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
(They hug and Joey enters.)
Joey: Oh... Yeah, you do.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey returns from his audition and finds everyone but Phoebe there.]
Monica: Joey!!
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)
JOEY: If it's not you, this is a horrible story.
Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey!
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]
Charlton Heston: Hello! Whos in there? (He opens to curtain to reveal a naked and wet Joey.)
Joey: Big day.
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)
Joey: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her.
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey...
Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?
Joey: Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. Well stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.
Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)
Joey: You call that delicious?
Joey: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not.
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh)
[Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch]
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Joey: Where've you been?
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him?
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Joey: (to Rachel) Bub!!! (Points at her and quiets Rachel.) (To Dina) I cant believe this! Youre the good one! You went to college! Both years! Who did this to you?!
Joey: Ahh, yes. (Pushes Rachel in front of himself so that she could do the talking.)
(Joey enters and looks on approvingly.)
Joey: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.
Joey: But I made cards!!
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
Joey: All right. (Moves closer.)
Joey: What?
Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Joey: Hey-hey, whos your friend? (Erin turns around to face Joey, startling him) Hey!!
Joey: Stegosaurus!
JOEY: I don't know how to tell you this but, uh . . . I think Monica's cheatin' on ya.� I told you shouldn't have married someone so much hotter than you.
Joey: Ohh! (Realises it was all a trick to get Phoebe to name the baby Chandler.)
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch reading.]
Joey: my god woman! How many people do you have to had been with not to remember any of this?
Joey: What about Andr�?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Joey: They're here already?
Joey: Uh, moist, yeah.
Joey: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Lets start sailing, and I want to go over there (Points) where that boatload of girls is! (Yelling to them) Yo-ho-ho!
Joey: Weekend at Bernie’s.
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his eyes and walks around with arms spread.)
Joey: All right, I'm going. I'm going.
Joey: For the ride.
Ross: Joey, get out of the fridge.
Joey: Do we have to know about that?
(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Joey: Can I see the comics?
Rachel: Honey wait, Joey, Im sorry I mean as terrific as I think you are with it (Looks for help.)
Joey: Everything is gonna be fine. Just follow my lead, okay? All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
Joey: Maybe we shouldnt pay our gas bill? (Stops and thinks about what he just said.)
Joey: Oh, yeah.
Joey: Quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, tweet, quack...
Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa.
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.
Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Joey: Tribbiani.
Joey: I got it from Monica. She sold it to me for a very reasonable price.
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Joey: It is.
Joey: Oh, it is.
Joey: (To some people) Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it (Shakes a man's hand) Thanks for coming.
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Joey: Fungus! Yeah. Place is full of it.
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
Joey: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!
(They realize the implication of their behavior, stop instantly and head for his bedroom. In the meanwhile, Joey is starring at Rachel in a seductive way.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
Joey: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.
Joey: I know. I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys. I mean, its Rachel for God sakes.
Joey: Ok, I got one, I got one. Uh, if he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?
Joey: All right. But if you werent my best friend.
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ginger: Joey I can see you okay? Youre hiding behind the coats.
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?
Joey: Oh, just, y'know.... science.