words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Ross: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joeys special romance magazines in there?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
(Joey nods his approval.)
Joey: I call it!!
Joey: Does calling it not mean anything anymore?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Joey: So, did you uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?
Joey: Well then let me do it!
Joey: No-no-no! Look, Ive been thinking about it. Im an actor right? So I wont get nervous talking in front of people.
Monica: Joey look its really sweet
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Joey: So I can do it?
Joey: All right!!! Okay!! All right! Okay-okay, I gotta get started on my speech! Oh, wait a minute, Internet ministers can still have sex right?
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! (Hes sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! (Holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his ordination.)
Joey: Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of porn out there!
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what Im going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it?
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Joey: Oh. Okay. Ooh! Ooh! Okay, maybe Ill talk about London! Yknow when you two hooked up! Only, only I wont say hooked up. Ill say, "Began their beautiful journey "
Joey: " by doin it."
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Joey: Yeah!! I call that London style.
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Yeah baby!
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Yeah baby!
Monica: (entering) Is Joey here?
(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)
Chandler: Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey! (Monica hides under the covers as Joey enters. Remember?)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh, dude Im so sorry!
Joey: Hey no-no-no-no! Its cool! Its cool! I-Ill only be a second, Im still with my brides maid, I justWhere are those condoms you brought?
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
Joey: (pause) For just you?
Joey: Hey listen, why dont you come downstairs with me? Theres some really nice girls down there.
Joey: All right, here you go buddy. (He tosses him one.) Go nuts. (Exits.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Joey: Thats what that was?! Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Phoebe: (To Joey) What?!
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
Joey: Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby!
Chandler: (To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now Im a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Joey: This is crazy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Joey: No-hey-no! If you dont want me to do it, I except that. I dont care about that. I just I dont want you to be upset.
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Joey: What?
Joey: Really? I can do it?
Joey: Hey! (They hug.)
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: So are guys doing okay?
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
(Joey, whose new diet is working out great, he looks like he only weighs 375 down from 420 enters from the bedroom.)
Fat Joey: Whats my little chef got for me tonight?
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
Fat Joey: Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. (They kiss.) Okay.
(Joey sits down.)
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting Phoebe some coffee.]
Joey: Here you go.
Joey: Good for you!
Joey: Heeeyy! Hey!
Joey: What is this? Fruit?
EDDIE: Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?
Joey: Come on baby, come on!
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: Nooo, four.
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]
Joey: Pheebs! There you are!
Joey: It's okay, these things happen.
Joey: They actually said that?
JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.
Joey: Okay, shoot.
Joey: I didn't get it?
JOEY: Alright. Cab driver number two?
Joey: Okay, what else?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Joey: Oh.
Joey: You do, thanks.
Joey: Wait a minute.
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.
Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
Joey: Hey!
CHANDLER: I was just telling Joey about the opening in Fleischman's group.
Joey: Her what?
Joey: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Joey: Hey, Monica, who would yours be?
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: You could drink the fat.
Joey: Hey-hey!
Joey: I know.
Joey: Oh, Im sorry. Did I get ya?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Joey is entering]
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Joey: Eh! There you go.
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Chandler: (entering) Have you seen Joey?
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Joey: Nah, just me. All alone. (all the food is served) Dinner for six for one, uh, you boys are about to see something really special.
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
Joey: Ooh, very official.
Joey: We have a half hour.
Joey: Ah, let me see! (she hands him a pile of tissues) Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty?
Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book!
JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?
Joey: Why dont we just go on two.
Joey: So we are going on two?
Joey: All right, but in the future...
Joey: Wow, its big!
Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence.
Joey: You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in my by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other?
Joey: Y'know what?
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Joey: Well, thats really a different question.
Joey: Hey, theres a dog out there!
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
Joey: Okay, but lets say there was. How might that go?
Joey: Maybe, my rulers wrong.
JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the TV] Thank you.
Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy! (Starts singing) Mornings here! Morning is here
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Ooooooooooh, I slept with you! And you obviously remember me Hey! I still got it. (Turns back to Hayley) so were good. (She just glares at him) I'll let myself out.
Joey: Maybe she killed him?
Joey: R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! (Monica nods yes.) And-and Chandlers tellin ya how much he hates marriage?!
Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didnt think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here!
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
Joey: Hey! (goes into the apartment)
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. The whole gang is helping Joey pack.]
Joey: Thats a uh, thats a tough combination.
Joey: Oh, no thanks, I got it. (picks it up) No I dont!
[Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.]
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Joey: Gotcha.
Joey: Oh right, right.
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Joey: Uh, take a look at the guys pants! I mean, I know you told us to show excitement, but dont you think he went a little overboard?
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Joey: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?
Joey: Lifeguards.
Joey: Baywatch.
Joey: (whispering) No, I really have to pee.
ROSS: Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
[Scene: The museum, Joey is giving a tour to a bunch of school kids.]
Joey: Cool!!
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
JOEY: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? I decorated it myself.
Joey: (confused) Are we watchin the tape or not?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Rachel enters and sees Joey sitting there.]
Joey: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen." I've said that "listen."
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
Joey: Guess what?
Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Joey: You said, you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Joey: I got a gig!
Joey: (glares at him) I know!
Joey: Come on man, you know Id do it for you! Because, youre my best friend.