words in movies
Monica: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Joey: Yeah! She is cool, and she's so smart! Her mind is totally acrimonious (which, being Joey, he mispronounces "amonious"). (pause) That's not how she used it...?
Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
Joey: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)
Joey: Heeey!
Joey: Come on in, how are ya?
Joey: Can I offer you a drink?
Joey: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh!
Joey: Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)
Joey: Yeah, definitely, definitely. Ok, what do you wanna see first?
Joey: (looking puzzled and nodding) Ok!
Joey: I know, yeah!
Joey: Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.
Joey: Which one, they all suck!
Joey: (looking puzzled) I don't think so.
(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)
Joey: Ross!
Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Joey: Yeah, I'm... I'm kind of having a little problem.
Joey: No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...
Joey: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
Joey: (checking) EH, what do you know!
Joey: Right, right, right, well, she wants to go to all this cultural places and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out!
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Joey: Thanks.
Joey: The Metsss!
Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Joey: Geez, sounds like you should be going on this date!
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?
Joey: You got to tell me exactly what to do there.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Ross in the living room, rehearsing what Joey will say to Charlie in the Museum]
Joey: (gesturing at an imaginary painting) Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.
Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Joey: Phonetically? (Looks confused)
Joey: Ok.
Joey: Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy".
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).
Joey: Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)
Ross: Yeah? Joey really knows his art, huh?
Ross: (shaking head) Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.
Charlie: Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.
Ross: (slowly) Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
(Joey walks in)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (to Charlie) You're ready?
Charlie: Yeah, let's go. (stands up and kisses Joey) (to Ross) Thanks Ross.
Joey: (aside, to Ross) Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.
Joey: Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... (confidently) I made it work.
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didnt understand the question.
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Joey: This is great, this is great, what else, what else?
Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
Joey: This sucks, I was just up by that much!
(Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
Joey: Are you kiddin? Phoebe lived on the street. Okay? Plus, shes got this crazy temper. SheShes not standing right behind me is she?
JOEY: Woah, dude, burn.
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Joey: Fumble!
Joey: What? Me having a job?
Joey: Excellent! Excellent! And uh, finally, are you into any weird stuff yknow, sexually?
Joey: Oh yeah.
Joey: Hey. What, what are you doing here?
Joey: Sure.
Joey: All right.
Joey: Hey listen, so whens-whens my audition? I mean I know its Thursday, but what time?
Phoebe: (walking up to Joey) Hey.
Joey: Set....hike!
Joey: Look Rach, wasnt this supposed to a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!
Joey: This sucks! I didnt know I had to stay up all night before I went to this stupid sleep clinic! Im so tired!
(Chandler and Joey both laugh)
Joey: Youre smoking again?!
[Scene: Joey work, Joey is showing a guy a tree.]
Joey: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.
Chandler: Run, Joey! Run for your life! (runs out)
Joey: Not a problem.
Joey: And now for the great news.
Rachel: Oh my God! Yes, I would love that, oh, that is soo sweet, Joey.
Joey: Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.
Monica:: Joey I am not going to objectify woman with you (looks at the woman) but if her face is as nice as her ass woah mamma.
Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (Joey picks a card.) Phoebe, you look, I cant.
Joey: Id really prefer a mountain bike.
Joey: AH HAH! I DID IT! HA HA! Alright... (He takes a box out, about to close fridge, then thinks.) Better take all I can carry. Who knows when i'll be able to get in here again!
[Scene: Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind it.]
Joey: I cant tell you that, no.
Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) Merry Christmas!!
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....
Monica: Its Joeys birthday.
JOEY: I can't believe you're so uptight about your mom comin'.
Joey: Well, there is one way. His windows open, I say, we poke him.
JOEY: Right, I go-, I got it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Joey: Chandler!
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but dont you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey: (interrupting her) Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech... (pulls a face)
Joey: No, only for sex.
Joeys Sisters: Oh!!
Chandler: Hi Joeys sisters!
Phoebe-Estelle: It’s a little coincidental, but believable. (Joey nods in agreement). Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t get you an audition for that TV movie.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Chandler: Joeys gonna be thrilled! He was hoping youd come by as a slutty nurse.
Joey: No, come on Ross! (He grabs his bag so he cant leave) Look, Ross, we have to get past this.
Ross: Hey, Joey.
Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Mary-Angela.
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Monica: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out!
Joey: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!
Joey: Shes right in there. (motions to the living room)
Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
Joeys Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.
Joeys Grandmother: No! I did!
Joeys Grandmother: That dies with me.
Joeys Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
Joey: (obviously cold) Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!
Mary-Angela: Joey!!!
Joey: Whats goin on?
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Dont Joey! Joey!
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are dining.]
Joey: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?
Joeys Sister: I say, punch him Joey.
Joey: All right.
Joey: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joeys co-workers, walks by with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesnt look very fulfilled.
Joey: Well, Im sorry. I thought parents were coming! Yknow? Your parents are comin! Chandlers parents are comin! Rosss parents are comin!
Joey: Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, Im gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
Phoebe: Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
Joey: What?
Joey: The what?
Joey: Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what?
Joey: Who?
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]
Joey: Its not that far! Just drop!
Joey: Im not wrong! I wish I was. Im sorry. Bet that barium enema doesnt sound so bad now, huh?
Joey: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!
Joey: Really? Thanks.