words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Joey: Hey!! We are so in luck! Treeger said that we could have all this cool stuff from the basement. Wait right there. (Goes back into the hall)
Joey: (Returning carrying a couple of rusted lawn chairs) Huh?!
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Joey: Just pickle.
(Joey makes a sound like a creaking bed.)
(Joey creaks louder)
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
The Salesman: (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?
Joey: Uhhhh. (Hes not sure)
Joey: No! No. But ah, try the classifieds, people sell everything in there.
(We go into a flashback sequence with Joey remembering some of those times.)
(Joey just nods his head.)
Monica: I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod Yes.)
All: Nooo!! (Joey quickly stops nodding his head.)
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Joey: Yeah-well-yeah! Yeah-oh-yeah. Come on in.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, The salesman is trying to sell Joey the encyclopedias.]
The Salesman: So, heres somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: He cut off his ear.
Joey: Im out.
Joey: Wow! Thats pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear cause he sucked. What else you got in there?
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Joey: Spocks birth control.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the V book, with the salesman watching.]
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
The Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Joey: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
Joey: Oh, I-I think Im gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Joey: Wh-whats going on?
Joey: No he doesnt!
Joey: Well, its good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
Joey: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.
Joey: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.
Joey: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Joey: (enters) Guess what? (they all look expectantly at him) I finally got that seed out of my teeth.
Joey: Seven hundred bucks!
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Joey: Absolutely! And if it doesnt, can I get the extra ticket?
(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement)
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Joey: (takes her hand) Listen, I hope... that you know... (has difficulty saying it) I don't want you to see your father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Joey: Um, this?
Joey: What up?!
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. (Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very carefully) Joey was there too.
Joey: Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.
Joey: (reaches for hi scones) My scones.
Joey: (to Chandler) You know, I think I was sixteen.
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Joey: Come on look guys, don't fight.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Rachel: Its a truffle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
Joey: Can we see her?
Joey: You gotta tell Ross how you feel.
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
JOEY: All right.� All right.� Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh?� (He checks the bathroom shaking the bat.� Then he proceeds to their bedroom.)� Bwa-ah-ah!
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey man, you feeling any better? (Chandler answers him with some guttural sounds that only he can make and that no human can transcribe.)
Joey: Frankie? What're you talking about?
Joey: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? I really feel like I learned something.
Joey: Needs some clothes altered?
JOEY: I don't know.
Joey: (joins him) I gotta get one, too.
Joey: Chandler?
Joey: Uh, does it hurt?
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
Joey: Who?
Joey: It smells really bad in here.
Joey: Services? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services.
Joey: Yeah. Bijan for men?
Joey: Hey, is this person who decides whether or not you... get a baby?
Hombre Man: (To Joey) You were saying?
Joey: Come on! Youre good with kids. Theyre just crazy on Halloween. Yknow, theyre all greedy and hopped up on sugar!
JOEY: I didn't get it.
Joey: Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.
(Joeys shocked and everyone else looks at Rachel.)
Joey: Animals dressed as humans.
Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, she wants to talk to you!
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Joey: (realizes what he said) Street noise drowned any of that out? (Rachel moves madly towards him) No, all right, I see you later, okay... (Turns away embarrassed)
Joey: Exactly.
Joey: Yeah, it's kinda sweet, sorta like, uh...
Joey: No! No-no. Look, theres a bug stuck in tar right here. (Bends down to get a closer look.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Yeah I guess you're right.
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)
Joey: Yeah, I'm ready.
JOEY: [Monica walks back in the kitchen] Ok ok ok ok. Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.
Ross: You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. Yeah, now if you'll excuse me (getting up and taking his coat) I have a date. (As he is walking out, everyone turns and stares at him) See? (To Joey) ALL eyes on ME!
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
Joey: What? That's not? (Realizes) Oh my God.
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.
JOEY: Such as?
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Joey: Ive got cold feet.
Joey: I guess I didnt really think about it.
Joey: (panicked) Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget about me. Let's, uh... let's give you another turn.
JOEY: That's what it says.
JOEY: What?
Joey: Oh, hey listen! The Soapies called today and I also get to present an award.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, another showdown is occuring, only this time its between Ross, a plate of cookies, and the breast milk. They've been eyeing each other for a while now, and Chandler and Joey are getting bored. He checks his Ross and in frustration, shoves his watch in front of Ross's eyes as if saying, "Hurry it up already!" Finally, Ross scratches his head, does that again, itches his nose, scratches his head, grabs the bottle, takes a big swig, and piles several cookies into his mouth.]
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.)
JOEY: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out.
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
JOEY: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?
Joey: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! (Eats another spoonful) Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit! (Storms out.)
Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my.
Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)
JOEY: Oh, yeah.
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey is trying to sell some cologne.]
Joey: Oh, Im sorry. You wanna bite? (Holds his piece out for him.)
Joey: Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!
Joey: How about a scone on the house baby?
JOEY: This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you be married?
Joey: (walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I'll start, OK?
ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
Joey: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean...
Joey: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!
JOEY: Foxy lady.
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.]
Joey: I gotta a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, ok? And I know how much you wanna have a baby, you know, and I would love to help you get one.
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
MONICA: Hell, I wanna see Joey.
Joey: (crying) Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! (He buries his head in Rosss shoulder.)