words in movies
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
Joey: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?
Joey: Die Hard 2.
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Ross: Joey, we just saw it!
Joey: And?
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!!!!!!
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
Joey: What are you talking about? Bitch.
Rachel: What-what if I marry RossOr Joey?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Joey: Well, I dont know!!
Joey: Yeah. Yep. Yeah. All right, well uh, Id better go.
Joey: Yeah. All right, Ill talk to you later.
Joey: No! Never! Never! (Pause, then Joey wants to shake Rosss hand.) Bye.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Joey: Hey! Whats going on?
Joey: Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember? (Phoebe glares at him.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Joey: Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges.
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Joey: Hi.
Joey: Uh hey look uh Ross, look I think we need to talk about before.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Joey: Okay! When?!
Joey: Uh-huh!
Ross: Ive said it! Okay?! But its over Joey!
Joey: I want to do it again.
Joey: Why not?
Joey: Fine! Do you want something to drink?
Joey: Warm milk and Excedrin P.M. (Ross just leaves.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Joey: (crying) I dont want to marry Chandler!
Joey: Ive got cold feet.
Joey: No, one man for the rest of my life? I dont know if I can do it! This means Ill never get to sleep with Joey!
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
Joey: Okay, Phoebe
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Joey: Yes! Excellent! Perfect score!
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Ross and Joey: Oh! Thats nice.
Joey: Wow. (To Ross) Good speech.
Ross: Okay Phoebe, I guess youre next (To Joey) although I really dont see the point.
Joey: Yeah.
(Joey and Ross pause while they picture the event.)
Joey: And shes back in the game.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Joey: No reason, Im just saying that uh Thats where Ill be.
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Joey: Great nap.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Joey: Tribbiani.
Joey: I got it from Monica. She sold it to me for a very reasonable price.
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Joey: It is.
Joey: Oh, it is.
Joey: (To some people) Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it (Shakes a man's hand) Thanks for coming.
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Joey: Fungus! Yeah. Place is full of it.
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
Joey: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!
(They realize the implication of their behavior, stop instantly and head for his bedroom. In the meanwhile, Joey is starring at Rachel in a seductive way.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
Joey: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.
Joey: I know. I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys. I mean, its Rachel for God sakes.
Joey: Ok, I got one, I got one. Uh, if he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?
Joey: All right. But if you werent my best friend.
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ginger: Joey I can see you okay? Youre hiding behind the coats.
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?
Joey: Oh, just, y'know.... science.
Phoebe: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.
Joey: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time.
Monica: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.
Joey: Youre gonna have to pee on it.
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Joey: (sigh)... It's a fertility study.
Joey: Oh, OK.
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
JOEY: Oh, hey, Monica, we've got a question.
Ronni: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]
Monica: Joey... we always know what you mean.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: The country?
Joey: Yeah! Allright! Hey, hey Ross. Check it out! Sandy taught me Hot-cross Buns.
JOEY: No, not that one. We're trying to figure out who to bring to the Knicks game tonight, we have an extra ticket.
Joey: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you.
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is just arriving for his scene.]
(Long pause... Joey looks confused.)
Joey: (entering quietly) Hey.
Joey: Not following you.
Joey: What do you mean?
Joey: Then you do. Heh, heh.
Joey: Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didnt have the car! Right?
Joey: (to Rachel): That book got me through some tough times.
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela.
Estelle: How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
Joey: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.
Joey: The country.
Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
Joey: How do you mean?
Joey: Sure! Why not?
(Joey starts to kiss her.)
Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe!
Joey: Shhhh!
(Joey looks down at Lydia.)
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
Joey: Heh, heh. It was nothin'.
Joey: She's still asleep.
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?
Joey: (aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?
Joey: I know! Neither did I!
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Joey: (enters) Guess what? (they all look expectantly at him) I finally got that seed out of my teeth.
Joey: Seven hundred bucks!
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Joey: Absolutely! And if it doesnt, can I get the extra ticket?
(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement)
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Joey: (takes her hand) Listen, I hope... that you know... (has difficulty saying it) I don't want you to see your father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Joey: Um, this?
Joey: What up?!
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. (Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very carefully) Joey was there too.
Joey: Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.
Joey: (reaches for hi scones) My scones.
Joey: (to Chandler) You know, I think I was sixteen.
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Joey: Come on look guys, don't fight.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Rachel: Its a truffle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!