words in movies
(Joey is singing in his head.)
Joey: Question. Was ah, Egg the Gellers! the war cry of your neighbourhood?
Joey: Booo!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the phone, everyone else is there except Joey.]
Joey: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Joey: Guess what?
Joey: I got a gig!
Joey: Well, its not a part, no. Im teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Its like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Joey: (glares at him) I know!
[Scene: Classroom. Joey is writing his name on the board, but turns around before hes done which causes him to write his name with a downward curve, and he then underlines it, and draws the line right through his name.]
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, Hey, the bell doesnt dismiss you, I dismiss you.
Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
Joey: Yeah, its this great part, this boxer named Nick. And Im so, so right for it, y'know, hes just like me. Except hes a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
Joey: No.
Joey: Hey, youre ah, pretty good at this.
Joey: Ahh!
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
Joey: Hey now!
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joeys nose, causing it to bleed.)
Joey: Hey!!! Oww!! And Im bleeding.
Joey: Okay, great.
Joey: Okay.
Joey: All right. I cant see.
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is lecturing on facial expressions.]
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Joey: Hey-hey.
Joey: Awww, one of my students got an audition. Im so proud.
Joey: You bet! Whats the part?
(Joey does the 232 divided by 13 bad news look.)
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is coaching his student.]
Joey: Wow! That was good. That was...(points to his pocket) Tweezers?
Joey: Whoa. That was really good.
(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Joey: Well, I-I mightve said supergay.
Monica: Joey, youre this guys teacher. I mean how could you do this?
Joey: Because, Monica, the guys so good, and I really, really want this part.
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is talking to his students.]
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, Im talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)
(Joey fakes a scream.)
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Joey: Aww, man, now we wont be bank buddies!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is wiping down the peninsula counter as Joey enters dressed like a cowboy.]
Joey: I just got this really weird message from Ross. He said turn on MTV.
Joey: Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica.
Joey: Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists.
Joey: Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.
Joey/Drake: Stopping you from marrying the wrong man and making the biggest mistake of your life.
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
Joey: Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel, and kills the dad.
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Joey: Oh, de fuff!
Joey: Hey! Dont you hang up on me! Ill marry you and me right now! I have the power!
(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)
JOEY: You guys are messin' with me, right?
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.
Joey: Whoa-whoa, dont we need to do some kinda preparation first? Like ahh, get really drunk?
Joey: I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but... yeah we do.
Joey: It's creamier.
Joey: (approaches, wearing his glasses) Hey you guys, check it out. Check it out. (Moves his hand towards and away from his face.) It's like it's coming right at me. (Chandler helps out a little bit by pushing on Joey's arm, which causes his hand to slap him in his face.)
Joey: No, one man for the rest of my life? I dont know if I can do it! This means Ill never get to sleep with Joey!
Joey: Yeah-well-yeah! Yeah-oh-yeah. Come on in.
Joey: (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?
Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well.
Joey: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?
Joey: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are showing a couple of guys (Tony and Peter) the entertainment center.]
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
Monica: All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, lets give em what they came for!
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
Joey: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself Im partial to
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
Ross: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is singing Happy Birthday to yet another good-looking woman. Gunther is watching and is not very happy.]
Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...
Chandler: (sounds nervous) Yeah! I... I... I liked it! (Joey continues to look at him suspiciously) But, ehm... my bosses didn't go for it. Stupid sons of bitches!
Joey: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch?
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
JOEY: I'm movin' out like we talked about.
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say Well...) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Joey: It looks like a women's purse.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Joey is telling everyone about his impending termination at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day Ill (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night Ill be (In an announcers voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!
Chandler: (examining the hat) And the bunny got away. (Turns and starts looking for the bunny as Joey puts the hat on.)
Joey: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks Ishould have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)
Joey: This is what Ive got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor.
[Cut back to Joey about to leave for his audition for Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, youre not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!!
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee as Joey comes from God knows where! Some back area of Central Perk around the corner that weve never seen! Weeeiiirrrddd .]
Joey: Wait a minute, you can't go to Tulsa. Maybe you forgot, but we've got tickets to the Jets game next week.
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel and Emma are sleeping; Joey sneaks in and approaches the crib]
Joey: Pheebs, if this guy keeps closing down all of our favorite places, where are we gonna eat?!
Rachel: Ok (starts to light some candles) Sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy. (Claps her hands and jumps at Joey, clearly very excited) Alright! Lets do it!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.]
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I love ya man.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Dina and Rachel are reading pregnancy books, Dina Pregnancy for Dummies and Rachel something else.]
Joey: I bet Ross was in on it too. I mean he was conveniently busy.
Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air>
Joey: Hey no-no-no-no! Its cool! Its cool! I-Ill only be a second, Im still with my brides maid, I justWhere are those condoms you brought?
Joey: It's a... It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
Joey: Now, wait a second! You make food and robots?
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Joey: (To Ross) I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Joey: Maybe I could give thanks for you shuttin up, eh?
Joey: Okay, so thats another five hundred. Five hundred and five hundred, thats (Pauses to figure it out.)
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-IHey! I did not go out with your wife! (The same woman from before enters.) Okay? I went out with her! (Points at her.)
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
Joey: Yeah! I'm fine! Thanks! (He starts to leave, but gets an idea and stops.) Hey Rach, how you doin'?
Joey: Right over there! Right there! Look-look-look!
Joey: Oh, just er... you know, looking around. But you know what? This house... is great.
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Joey: (still very puzzled) Oh, yeah... of course... yeah... it's a stuffed animal... you know... it's for kids... not for adults... I know that!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?
Joey: I dont want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. (Gets an idea.) Ohooh! How about you come with me?
Gene: (irritable) Sure. (Joey gets even more nervous)
Joey: (still skeptical) Oh, and how is Allison?