words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey sits at a table and Chandler and Monica enter.]
Joey: Hey... hey listen... What do you guys know about investments?
Joey: Well, I'm starting to make good money on the show and I'm thinking... I should probably do something with it.
Joey: Well, I just tape it to the back of my toilet tank. (realises that anyone could have overheard that) I didn't say that! It's in a bank guarded by robots!
Joey: Uh, yeah... This guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kinda cool huh? Pitchin' in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus...
Joey: (laughs) Yeah! Right! (points at Monica) People eat birds... Bird meat... Now do they just fly into your mouth or you go to... you go to a restaurant and you say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." (laughs again) Or... or maybe just a wing or... (realises...)
Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment.The Fed. just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. (looks at Chandler) That's right, I know some stuff!
Joey: Real estate, huh? Hmmm...
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Joey: Hi I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
Joey: Is there anything we should know about the apartment?
Catherine: All the appliances are included. There is a lot of light, a new kitchen... I think you guys would be very happy here... (Joey and Chandler both realise what she's assuming and start laughing.)
Joey: Well, you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you?
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Joey: What?
Joey: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... (realises) Wait a minute... This says Monica... (looks around) And this is Richard's apartment... (realises some more)
Chandler: Get there faster! (Joey gasps and finally understands...)
Chandler: I'm not gonna watch it... I don't NEED to watch it... I mean, what good could possibly come from watching? (sighs) Well, we know I'm gonna watch it. (Chandler moves to put the tape in the VCR and Joey enters the apartment)
Joey: Hey dude, what's up?
Joey: Did you take that tape?
Joey: I don't know. Who'm I'm married to?
Joey: She hot?
Joey: How did she get me to settle down?
Joey: Guess I don't know. My experience: if a girl says yes to being taped... She doesn't say no to much else, I tell ya...
Joey: (backs off) What? Whoo... What?
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Joey: Well it's okay, its like... its just a football game.
Joey: Yeah, see... you were all worried for nothing.
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
Joey: You don't wanna see what I just saw! (at this moment Monica comes home, and sees Chandler flat on his back on the floor and Joey pinning him down)
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica switches off the VCR. Joey and Chandler are behind the couch.]
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Joey: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
Joey: Oh my God! Thats huge! (Hugs him.) Wait a minute, why come I wasnt invited? And who was going to be your best man? Dont say, "Ross." Do not say, "Ross."
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Thank God!
Joey: Ah.
Joey: Ow!
Joey: (incredulous) Why should I help you?!
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Joey: Delicious.
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
(Stryker enters, only its not Joey playing him.)
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Rach we had to get out of there because, look what I won! (He whips out the award for Best Supporting Actress that he accepted for Jessica.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
Rachel: Joey is says Best Supporting Actress!
Joey: Probably Monica and Chandler.
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Joey: (Very discouraged) Okay, is there anything else?
Ross: No, NO! (they're moving to the side of the bed, where they sit down) Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.
Joey: (excitedly) Wow? Wow what?! Wow what?! Who youwhat?!!
Joey: (excitedly) Who you what? Who you what?!
Joey: What?!
Monica: (To Joey) They were lovers.
Joey: (entering) Hello!
Joey: Hey Rach. (Stares at her.)
Joey: Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but for your house-warming gift, I got you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!
Monica: Joey!
Joey: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?
Joey: (looking around) You got me. I dont
Joey: Well-wellsee? Parents are comin!
Joey: (leaning down to her) Maybe youll order a little sangria?
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho!
Joey: Nice move.
Joey: I dont think so.
Joey: We should really learn how to play the real way. (Moves another piece.)
Joey: And I know both of them, theyre really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials whos always getting chased by those big flowers
Phoebe: Joeys!
Joey: Okay
Joey: Hey. (Laughs then seriously) It happened!
Joey: Oh good! Can I tell her?! Can I tell her?!
Joey: (starts singing) I wanna rock and roll all night! (Falls asleep.)
Joey: Why are you taking this away from me?
Joey: Oh-ho, you should get inside my head.
Joey: Hey.
Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
Joey: Yeah, theyre not coming.
(Joey enters, wearing a mouth guard like boxers wear.)
Joey: Look Mon, if you could just call my mom
Monica: Oh Joey!
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monicas seat.)
[Joey and Ross get annoyed with Chandler's outburst.]
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Cecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. (Joey is nodding.) You try.
Ross: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his agreement.)
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, its gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Phoebe: Oh, somewhere Joeys head is exploding.
Joey: You should see the treatment I get when Im with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.
JOEY: Get outta here. This is our stop too.
Joey: (entering) Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second?
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Joey: Oh yeah, thats just a little something for my huge gay fan base. (Winks at him.)
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
[Scene: The Roof, Ross and Joey are banging on the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still working on the seating chart as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.]
Joey: (checks his watch) Damn! (runs out to work)
[Cut back to her room, Joey and Ross are sitting there waiting for her.]
Joey: All right, uh (To Ross) Oh hey, youve done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows?
Joey: Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight.
Joey: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.
JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
Chandler: (writes what Joey said and waits for him to go on) Yeah?
Joey: " when I look back over our time together "
Joey: Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, "Monica
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Joey: Oh. (Takes off the hat.) Sorry!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! Were dying out here!
Joey: How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate?
Chandler: Im right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now theres no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Joey: Okay.
Joey: (shocked) Has it been that long?!
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Joey: How?! When?!
(Joey thinks it over.)
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable!
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Joey: Okay, see that blind guy right there? I'm gonna bash his head in later.
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).