words in movies
(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)
Joey: Hey, hey.
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers)
Joey: Thanks.
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: (to Monica) We did?
Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
Joey: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.
Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?
Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh.
Joey: What's wrong?
Joey: Oh. What?
Joey: Wait, wait, wait!
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]
Joey: So I guess you all saw it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.]
Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Joey: The balloon?
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
Joey: That tone will not make me go any faster.
Monica: (angry) Joey!
Joey: That one will.
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]
Joey: Nope, not that one.
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
Joey: You call that delicious?
Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!
Joey: Oh, I will.
Joey: The bigger half.
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Joey: (desperate) What the hell are you doin'???
Joey: Yeah, he had a paper route.
Joey: No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!
Joey: Yeah! I'll see ya later! Yeah!
Joey: NO BIG DEAL!
(Joey falls backwards into the room)
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Joey: CURIOUS GEORGE (see link)! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!
Joey: (Realizes that he has forgotten all about the double date) Oh my God!
Ross: Joey, come on now, for me! Please, just-just try to focus your sexual energy on someone else.
Joey: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! (Joey picks him up in a firemans carry and carries him out.) Here we go.
Charlie: Uh, well... Joey and I broke up.
Chandler: And that would have made the official party line. (Joey nods) Monica and I are having a little financial trouble.
Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We dont need no stinkin badges!"
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do?
Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...
Rachel: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
[Joey enters holding a letter]
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
Chandler: She's cheating on Joey with Ross!
Joey: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel!
Phoebe: (whispering) Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!!
(Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.)
Joey: No! No! No Pheebs, Im not gonna yell at you. I just yknow, started thinking about you and David and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just Oh Pheebs, come here. (He hugs her.) Are you okay?
Monica: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?
Joey: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie...
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Ross: Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere?
Joey: Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do?
Joey: No idea what it means.
Rachel: Yeah... (still looking to see where Joey went, and opens the door)
Ross: You know where Joey is?
Rachel: Yeah, sure... (looks outside into the corridor if Joey is there)
Rachel: Joey!
Joey: Is he gone?
Joey: Me too. Yeah, this place is great. I'm so happy for you guys. Although, you know, I hope you like fungus.
Joey: Right, of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
Joey: Well, he's with Charlie now.
Joey: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.
Joey: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...
Joey: I'm thinking about you...
Joey: Absolutely! He's not thinking about you.
Joey: What's wrong?
Joey: Let's forget about Ross...
Joey: Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross...
Charlie: So, did you talk to Joey?
Joey: I thought you didn't have secrets from Monica.
Joey: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie?
Joey: I understand...
Joey: I mean what kind of an actor, what kind of an actor cant even say, "Hmm, noodle soup?"
Ross: No, I'll do it. (he quickly grabs Joey's boarding pass and gives Joey his one.)
Joey: Great! Im finally getting into this sailing stuff.
Joey: Theres one lucky to-go cup of coffee.
Joey: Ooh...
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Joey: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous.
(Ross gets up and gestures to Rachel, we cut to Joey and Rachel)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay.
Joey: Yeah... Now I have something...
Joey: You kissed.
Joey: I saw you.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh... uh... look... before you...
Joey: I am those things, yeah.
Joey: I can't think of anything.
Rachel: So you eh, you talked to Joey?
Joey: Dude!
Joey: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
Joey: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why dont you tell us a little something about you Ross?
Joey: Im a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean whats more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Joey: I know; that just pushes them further and further apart.
Joey: Argh-argh!! (Catches the coat.) Ooh, soft. Is this mink?
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while)
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Joey enters.]
Joey: Stop saying good night.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Joey: Rach, he just saw us.
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
Joey: Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay?
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Joey: Probably.
Joey: Ross?
Joey and Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: No, no, no!
Joey: No, no!
Joey: Yeah, but it did happen, so...