words in movies
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!
Joey: But just think, ok? What if everything goes right? What if this woman does pick you guys?
Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, who's Phoebe with?
Joey: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have sex with. (the girl leaves and Phoebe goes toward the couch) (to Phoebe) Hey!
Joey: So... who's your friend?
Joey: OW, why, why, why?
Joey: Oh, name one friend of yours that I did that with.
Joey: Mandy, uh? Uh... really hot blonde, big boobs?
Joey: I know why I don't remember her, huh? (he winks at Rachel)
Joey: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach?
Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else!
Joey: (pointing at himself) Growth!
Joey: Ok, thank you. And I promise you I will not forget this one. (he starts writing on his hand) Mandy.
Joey: Saraaah.
Joey: I can see why, nice shirt!
Joey: Stupid Gap on every corner!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Well...
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere...
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Joey: Hey, hey, look! It’s not about a few fries... it’s about what the fries represent.
Joey: ALL FOOD!
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don’t order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That’s a good way to lose some fingers!
Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries...
(Joey looks satisfied)
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn’t share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ...
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
(Phoebe looks horrified and she turns to watch Joey)
Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
Joey: (he thinks a little, considering the option and seems to be quite satisfied) I like that! A sharing buffer! Yeah! I’ll order some extra fries! Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some buffalo wings. Maybe an individual pizza, uh? And some mozzarella sticks. (he looks absorbed in his food thoughts) What were we talking about?
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel and Phoebe walk in, loaded with bags.]
[Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch]
Ross: (to Joey) So? What do you think? (Shows himself - Joey observes him with a strange look on his face.)
Joey: I think were not wearing the same shirt anymore!!
Joey: (now laughing a little) Dude, I really don't think you should be wearing that.
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Ross: You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. Yeah, now if you'll excuse me (getting up and taking his coat) I have a date. (As he is walking out, everyone turns and stares at him) See? (To Joey) ALL eyes on ME!
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Joey: Oh, that looks great! Good ordering!
Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries)
Joey: Uuuh.. yes, they are my stuffed clams.
Joey: How about those fries though, huh? (Holds the plate between Sarah’s fingers and his plate, thus blocking her from reaching his)
Joey: (Spotting her movements takes her hand into his own) You are beautiful, you know that?
Joey: Oh (grinning, trying to hold in his impatience with her) okay.. (she takes her hand back)
(Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table)
Joey: (Visibly annoyed) NOW look what you did!!
Joey: I don't like it when people take food off of my plate, okay?
Joey: WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!
Joey: I'm sorry, I'm overreacting. Okay, It's just when it comes to food, I have certain rules, okay, I mean (bends down and with his plate and his hands, scrapes the dropped dinner back onto the plate and puts it back on the table) There are things you do..and you now, things.. (takes something from the plate and blows it a little) that you don't do (He takes a bite from it).
[Scene: Back at the restaurant with Joey and Sarah. Joey is holding Sarah's hands]
Joey: I really am sorry about, you know..before. I just want to make sure you know that I really do like you.
Joey: (Jokingly) Well, stuffed clams.
Joey: Uh, excuse me sir, there seems to be some sort of red crap on my cheesecake.
Joey: (More to himself than anyone else) So stupid, ordering cheesecake, trying to be healthy. (pushes it aside)
Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey)
Joey: Oh, all right, I'll just have what she's having instead.
Joey: Oh yeah, sure. No problem.
Joey: Sure I do. (holding up his own dessert) Coule?
Joey: (laughing) Really?
Joey: Yeah, of course. I can control myself. (laughs uneasily and Sarah leaves the room)
(Joey sits sideways on his chair, looking at Sarah's chocolate torte, and then looking away from it, nervously playing with his fork, drumming with it on the table every now and then.)
Joey: (to the torte) Stop staring at me!
Joey: Why, just a tiny little...
Joey: Oh-oh!
(Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.)
Joey: I'm not even sorry.
Joey: (nods) So, why are you still wearing it?
Joey: Ooh... Not so good.
Joey: Yeah, and you know what? We could do a lot worse.
Joey: (shouting to Ross) JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist)
Tag: Ms. Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you dont use the words old or downhill or (To Joey) they still look pretty damn good. (Joey smiles and everyone glares at him.)
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are still discussing Bobby and Dinas situation.]
Joey: I mean, this soap opera is a great gig, but... am I missing opportunities? You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor. I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies?
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
JOEY: You want his yearbook?
Ross: Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Joey: I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.
Joey: (looks at him suspiciously) But, ehm... you watched the tape?
Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Monica: Okay, so it doesnt involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Joey: Booo!!
Joey: Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.)
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. (Starts to leave) I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Rachel: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out!
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
Phoebe: (coming back for Joey) No! (Grabs Joey and drags him away.)
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
Joey: Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man.
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
Joey: Oh my God, that's great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... (he uses the Thesaurus) "brainy, bright, clever", I love this thing! Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!!
Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up!
(the scene starts.Joey enters and there's a girl wearing a wedding dress near a bed)
Joey: It's really gone?
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
Chandler: Oh, okay, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
Katie: Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! (She punches Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Ross: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today. Can you just keep an eye on Joey, make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Joey: (shocked) Dah!! (Chandler motions for him to calm down.)
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) Thats all right. Hey you guys, you know whats going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, Im doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
Joey: Whoa-ho-ho! (He looks at Chandler, who gives him a come on look.) Yeah, okay.
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Janine: No no no no, its potpourri. Youre supposed to smell it. (Joey takes a big whiff of the potpourri.)
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Joey: 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?
Joey: So whats really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.
Monica: Well, because you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani (Joey makes a 'and-what’s-wrong-with-that' look). Hey, why don’t you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself!
JOEY: (sniffs his shirt.)� Oh yeah.� I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.
JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the dollar]
JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
Joey: Yknow-yknow what I really want?
Joey: Oh come on man, you can dance with my partner, shes real, uh, mellow!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Joey: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home...
Joey: Sweepin. Why? Turn you on?
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Joey are walking up the stairs.]
Joey: (thinking) Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!
Joey: (speaking with his mouth full, enjoying his sandwich) What did they say?
Joey: In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)
Joey: Yeah, maybe its like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. (pats Ross on the butt)
(Cut to Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Ross storm in looking very unhappy)
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing her checkbook as Joey enters from his room wearing a hockey helmet, gloves, and shin guards.]
Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Rachel: Ok, let’s work from the top down! (Joey nods, but then puzzled because he does not get it) Just work the bra, Joe!
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that hes not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying mmm and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
Joey: I know I shouldve. (Makes quote marks again.) "Im sorry."
Joey: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
[Joey gets out and sprints to the bathroom and Chandler follows with a cigarette in his hands.]
Joey: Something personal.
Caitlin: I just, I thought Joey was there.
(He picks up a smaller box and carries it to the moving van as Joey returns.)
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Monica: Well then somebodys snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut down to here. (Points to her stomach just above her belly button.)
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Joey: (Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut up.
Joey: Come on! What are you doing?! Im in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
(She heads to the bathroom and Joey sits back down.)
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Joey: Aw crap! Okayuh uh lets-lets do the rings.
(Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)