words in movies
Monica: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
Monica: Oh, Im sorry. Was that another joke?
Monica: (rolling her head from side to side) Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah! (Joey and Phoebe laugh.)
RICHARD: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor joke) See, we're having fun.
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didnt think of it. Why didnt I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Monica: Don�t joke (?) with me, okay? I�m very, very upset right now.
Monica: Y'know what, this is obviously some kind of twisted joke she's trying to play on him.
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
Joey: (to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Monica: Honey, you can relax. Last night at work, Geoffrey told this really sexist joke. After that, not so funny anymore.
Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.
Joey: Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but Im not even sure I got it.
Mike: I put that tube top on as a joke.
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Monica: Honey, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? (he laughs) That slayed me.
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that youre really sarcastic, or that, yknow, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
Dr. Leedbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.
Ross: Yeah, well, this guy at work gave me "Sex for Dummies" as a joke.
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Guru Saj: I dont know, whats a koondis with you? (starts laughing as if that joke was funny, Ross only looks at him, and he stops) Please, lie down! Ive got a sav that oughta shrink that right up.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Ross: (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Mr. Zelner: Its kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I cant figure out what this is?
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
Chandler: (nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.
Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
Monica: And youve never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot!
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Monica: You made a joke right? So I laughed.
Mike: Well hey, I wanna ask you about Monica's little "groomy" joke.
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Mr. Geller: My joke wasnt funny.
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) Its a joke. (They all laugh.)
Chandler: I made that joke up.
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: Its my joke.
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Ross: Its your joke.