words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
Rachel: Hey, Mon, if you were hoping to sleep with Joshua the first time tonight, which one of these would you want to be wearing. (Shes holding two frilly, lace nighties.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
Joshua: This is so nice. Thank you for doing this.
Joshua: Great! Oh, it all looks sooo good!
Joshua: Oh my God!
Joshua: Behind you?
Joshua: (getting up and backing away from they.) Is there ah, is there some way they can not be here. Its just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
Joshua: Yeah, its-its my only weird thing, I swear. And I-I-I wouldve told you about it, but I didnt know they would be here.
Joshua: So, all right.
Rachel: Okay. So, can I serve you a little ofWhat? What? What? (She sees that Joshua isnt relaxed.)
Joshua: Nothing I uh, its just that I know that theyre still out there.
Joshua: Okay, thats-thats not funny. Uhh.
Joshua: Oh, theyre working on this week, its a total mess. But uh, Im staying at my parents house, we could go there.
Joshua: Yeah, theyre out of town.
Joshua: Yeah-yeah, its this huge place, and-and its got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?
Joshua: They-they-they can smell fear.
[Scene: Joshuas parents apartment, Rachel and Joshua are entering.]
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
Joshua: Yeah, yeah, let me show you around. This is the uh, downstairs living room.
Joshua: Yeah, well, it wouldve been, but uh, my parents just moved here.
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
Joshua: Oh yeah, yeah uh, its down the hall and uh, second door to your left.
(She goes down the hall. Joshua goes to put the food away when his parents walk in.)
Joshua: Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here?
Joshua: Umm, this may be a little weird, but I-I-I got a date here.
Joshua: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didnt even get to Italy?
(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise. So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)
Joshua: Oh my God!
[Scene: Joshuas parents apartment, continued from earlier.]
Joshua: Uhh, Rachel, my parents
Mrs. Burgin: Hello. Well, Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.
Joshua: There you go.
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Joshua: No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you.
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
Joshua: No, no, no, shes nice but, yknow, it just it made me realize that Im just not, Im just not ready to be dating, yknow?
Joshua: But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?
Rachel: Oh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! (Pause) (Comes back inside) Yeah, well, that oughta do it.
Rachel: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshuas gone so you and Emily are free to go.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Joshua: Yeah! I mean youre-youre beautiful and smart and sophisticateda lot of this isnt based on tonight.
Rachel: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didnt call. I mean youd think hed be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Joshua: (coming in from a changing room) Okay!
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Joshua: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) Well, I just called Joshua
Joshua: My marriage like just ended, and Im really not ready to get into anything yet.
Originally written by Transcribed by Joshua Hodge
Originally written by Adam Chase. Transcribed by Joshua Hodge.
Joshua: Wow! That would be great.
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Joshua: Hi. (He has just returned.)
Rachel: Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.
Originally written by Betsy Bornes Transcribed by Joshua Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.
Joshua: Uhh, yeah, I think Im going to take-off too.
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Joshua: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
Joshua: Hi, Im Joshua.
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Joshua: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife
Joshua: What do you think?
Joshua: (turning around) Oh! You know what I need?
Joshua: Okay.
Joshua: Also large?
Joshua: Hi!
Joshua: All right, thank you so much for all your help.
Rachel: No-no-no, that not Joshua.
Joshua: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?
Joshua: Youre into hardcore S&M right?
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Joshua: Gloves?
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Rachel: Joshua.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job, she is waiting for Joshua and practising how to ask him out.]
Joshua: So (Holds out his hands as to say, "Where are my gloves?")
Joshua: Yknow, they ruin it for everybody.
Joshua: Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, its comfortable.
Joshua: Why not?!
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Joshua: Oh, no thanks.
Joshua: Hi!
Joshua: Okay.
Joshua: So, this was uh, really fun.
Joshua: You really dont seem like you do. Thats
Joshua: Need uh, need a little hand there.
Joshua: But
Joshua: Because I-I like you.
Joshua: Okay uh, however
Joshua: Im sorry, I, I just need a little time.
Joshua: Yeah.
Joshua: But
Joshua: No, theyre-theyre all true.
Joshua: Then uh, whats-whats this? (Shows her the real anti-theft device.)
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. Its just so frustrating!
Joshua: Nice uh, costume.
Joshua: Hey!
Joshua: Well, what was supposed to happen?
Rachel: Me, Fledermaus, great. I really(motions to Joshua.)
Rachel: Oh my gosh, Joshua!
Rachel: I know isnt it? Its like Im right there with Joshua.
The Cigarette Guy: Hi, Im Joshua, Im here to pick up Rachel.
Joshua: (coming back in) Im sorry.
Joshua: (sitting) You okay?
Joshua: Great!
Joshua: Do I?
Joshua: (entering) Hey, Rachel.
Ross: Joshua guy at that club, dancing and having a good time, the thought of it kinda yknow.
Joshua: I-I gotta say, I-I-I-Im not too sure I agree with that.
Rachel: Well, Joshuas coming in tomorrow and since I dont have the guts to ask him out, Im going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.
Joshua: I gotta go.
Joshua: What?! (Gunther is listening in.)
Rachel: Or Ill give them to my new boyfriend, Joshua.
Rachel: Well, I didnt see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
Joshua: (noticing her) Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?
Rachel: Yknow who doesnt even like dirty movies? My new boyfriend Joshua.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is waiting impatiently for Joshua.]
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldnt come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Joshua: Gloves. Brown, leather dress gloves.
Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, youre a real special lady, but my divorce isnt final yet and, and, and weve been on four days, so Im thinking "No, but thanks."
Rachel: Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.
Joshua: Whats up? Youre voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
(Mr. Waltham admires Joshuas butt as he leaves.)
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? Theres nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasnt for me and Joshua. Yknow, theyre not gonna get married anyway!
Joshua: Thanks. (He starts to leave) Maybe Ill see in the spring, with the uh, yknow, for the uh, bathing suits.