words in movies
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof, Mike Sikowitz, Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Jim & Tracy Lambers With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Mike (to the charity guy): Oh my God, I love your shirt!
Mike: Yeah.
Mike: Thanks for coming you guys.
Mike: Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch?
Mike: You both wanna do it? Uhm... there's only room for one.
Mike: Hey guys, how is it going?
Mike: No more so than acting.
Joey: Strike three! You only get one more, Mike!
[Scene: Wedding rehearsal dinner. Joey and Mike are talking.]
Mike: Yeah, yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad?
Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
Mike: Hey.
Mike: (looking around the room) This is... great...
(Mike enters the room).
Mike: Joseph.
Mike: (thinks a moment) Orchids?
Joey: (to Mike) Hello Michael.
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie.
(Mike and Joey come out of Joey's room)
(Mike walks in.)
Mike: Oh, you haven't picked yet. Oh good, 'cause I had an idea. I thought it would be fun if the third groomsman was my family dog. Chappy.
Mike: Hey, I forgot my scarf.
Phoebe: (Turning to Mike) What do you think?
Mike: I think I wanna get married to you today.
Mike: I guess.
Mike: Oh, no!
Mike: Well, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but, we could not let the box of rats ruin our lives.
Mike: My God! Aren't you freezing?
Mike: I love you too.
Mike: I do.
(Phoebe and Mike kiss)
Joey: Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife?
(Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
Chandler: So, where's Mike?
(Mike puts the ring on her finger)
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
Mike: Oh, it's just... It's up to you. It's your name. You've got to live with it.
Mike: You're a strange kind of grown-up.
Mike: Well... hey, the key works...! (he looks as if he doesn't want to believe what's happening)
Mike: So, what's new?
Mike: You really did that?
Mike: Ah! I missed you
Mike: Hey (He kisses Phoebe)
Mike: (afraid) You're kidding right?
[Scene: Phoebe is at Central Perk. Mike enters.]
Mike: Crap Bag.
Mike: Yeah, but you can't do that.
Phoebe:(not amused) Mike Crap Bag?
Mike: I'm not blowing her off, I actually just got off the phone with her, were going out tomorrow night, I mean I hope that's ok with you stranger from the coffee house.
Mike: Why don't you tell her my name?
Mike: Really?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are leaving.]
Mike: Oh! Why don't you introduce me?
Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
MIKE: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing.� Fascinating isn't it.
Mike: Oh, figuring out our wedding plans.
Monica: Hey! Where's Mike?
David: Allright... But... if I ever do come back from Minsk... (points at Mike) well, you just better watch out.
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Mike: Hey!
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
Joey: You know, the baby can't read, Mike!
Mike: (To Phoebe) I want one.
Mike: Seriously. Wanna make one of those?
Mike: Really?
Mike: I do love it, and I love your name. I love Princess Consuela.
Phoebe: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa (starts crying)
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Ross is helping with the packing, Phoebe and Mike are also there.]
Mike: You know, kinda think of it, the capital of Peru IS "vtox". (opens the kitchen cabinet) Oh god! Oh!
Mike: Hey, what's going on?
Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.
Phoebe: (To Mike) Oh, you just caught me off guard! Yeah, that would be nice.
Monica: (to Mike) Serve the ball, chump!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
Mike: Woo-wo-hey-hey-hey... Can we not talk about that right now?
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.
Mike: After you, miss Banana Hammock.
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Mike: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!
(Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.)
Mike: Mom, dad, thanks for dinner.
Mike: So you forfeit?
Mike: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...
Mike: It's a Speedo.
(David produces the ring. At the same time, Mike walks in, behind David)
Mike: (raising his glass) Thank you guys for having us over.
Mike: I heard that weddings are like a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
Mike: But please, let's just forget the whole thing.
Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)